Undiscovered
by horseaholic
Summary: Post Rent. Roger gets the surprise of his life when a stranger shows up at the loft and brings back all his high school memories. RogerOC, MarkMaureen relationship!
1. Chapter 1

Just a quick disclaimer before you begin this story: for one thing, I don't own RENT, Jonathan Larson does; for another, the story name is Adam Pascal's song. His, not mine. (I only wish.)

**Chapter 1**

* * *

Jaclyn Conway stood outside the loft, wondering if she really was doing the right thing. She was tracking down her sister's ex-boyfriend.

Jaclyn, though she preferred her nickname, Jackie, was tall, five-nine, and at 26 years old, she looked quite like Andy, except her eyes were darker, a midnight blue. Her hair color was the same, though, and many people often mistook her for her sister, especially if they knew Andy at one time or another.

But they couldn't do that anymore, because Andy Conway was dead. Jaclyn remembered the day, April 12, 1981, eight years ago, as though it were yesterday. It had broken her heart to get the awful phone call and have to attend her sister's premature funeral. Her father, of course, a drunken waste, hadn't attended. Jaclyn was angry beyond all reason with him. But he was in jail now, so she felt relieved. Neither her sister, nor anyone else, could suffer from her father's alcohol-induced wrath anymore.

Jaclyn checked the address on the piece of paper again, but by now, she had read it so many times, she had it memorized. Jaclyn was rich, which was how she could afford a private investigator in the first place. She sang on Broadway, in many different famous musicals, and made a living that way. If only she had known sooner what had gone on at home in her absence…

She'd run away from home after graduation, a month before her eighteenth birthday that June, a result of her father hitting her, and even once threatening her with a gun and a knife. Andy had begged Jaclyn to let her go with, but Jaclyn had refused, knowing Andy's education was most important.

Jaclyn couldn't wait anymore. She had to know who this man was who had made Andy's life worth living in her final few months. She walked into the building and up the stairs. Stopping at the door, she knocked three times. Her heart pounded with anticipation as she waited for someone, anyone, to answer. She jumped slightly when the door slid open in front of her.

There he was, standing mere feet away from her: the man her sister had loved for a painstakingly short time. He was tall, about six feet, and he had long, curly, dirty-blonde hair. But it was his eyes that mesmerized her the most, for they were startling green, like Kryptonite.

"Roger?" Jaclyn asked. "Roger Davis?"

"Y-yes," he stammered, "that's me. Can I help you?"

"My name is Jaclyn Conway," Jaclyn said slowly. "I'm here because…" Wait, why was she here? Looking into his eyes, which were pulling her toward him like a magnet, was almost making her forget. "Andy Conway was my sister."

Now Jaclyn understood why Roger was stammering like he was, and why his hands were shaking so badly: because she looked so much like Andy, it must be bringing back so many memories for him, painful or not.

Roger was completely silent for many long seconds. Then he spoke, realizing he looked like an idiot standing there like that. "I… I'm sorry. Come… come in… It's just, you look…"

"Like my sister," Jaclyn said wearily. "Yeah, I know." And that was all that needed to be said. She followed him into the main living area of the loft and he motioned for her to sit down. "Thanks for seeing me," she said. "Look, I'm sorry for bursting in on you like this, but…"

"It's fine," Roger said, "it's just… a shock, that's all." Jaclyn nodded understandingly. "So… tell me more about yourself."

"I sing on Broadway."

"You do?" Roger asked. "That's cool."

Jaclyn smiled. "Thanks," she said. "I lived in Scarsdale until I was 17, when I ran away to the city here. I'd finally had enough of my father."

"You, too, huh?" Roger asked her bitterly.

Jaclyn looked up at him. "Roger, please try to understand. Andy wanted to go with me when I ran away, but I told her no, that she had to finish her education first. If I'd had any notion of what was happening at home to her, worse than what had happened to me… I would have come home straight away and gotten her out."

"Would you?" Roger asked, more harshly than he'd intended.

"Yes," Jaclyn said, flinching at his tone. "She was very good at hiding it all from me. That's why I never knew about you until…"

Jaclyn paused, but Roger knew. "The accident," he said.

"Yes," Jaclyn said. "That's why I tracked you down. I wanted to know— meet— the man who had made my sister's life so worth living in her final months. It hurts me as much as you— if not more— that she's gone, you know."

Roger nodded. "I know," he said. "I'm so sorry, Jaclyn, I wish it hadn't happened."

"Me, too, Roger," Jaclyn said. "No one wishes this upon themselves."

After a moment, she stood up. "But I should probably go. Um, thanks for seeing me, Roger."

"Of course, Jaclyn," Roger said. "Come again, if you… if you want."

"I'll think about it," Jaclyn said. "Thanks, Roger. Bye."

"Bye," Roger said, and then Jaclyn left as quickly as she'd come.

"Who was that, Roger?" Mark asked, coming through the door from filming away from the loft, as Jaclyn was leaving.

"Her name is Jaclyn," Roger said emotionlessly. "She… she's Andy's sister, Mark."

Mark's mouth fell open. "Really?" he asked. "Wow, Roger, I… I don't know what to say…"

"You don't have to," Roger said. "Besides, we're just friends, if that. How can I be friends, even, with her, after I killed her sister?"

"Roger, you know you didn't," Mark said. He sighed wearily. They'd been through this so many times before. "The other driver was nearly asleep at the wheel when that deer came out of nowhere. _They _hit _you_, not the other way around. You did what you could to try and protect her."

"Yeah, and I failed, Mark," Roger said loudly, turning away from him.

"Roger, maybe the reason Jaclyn is here is because she's been hurting as much as you these last nine years. That's about all the guy sympathy I can give you."

"I'm not," Roger said emotionessly, looking down at him.

"Maybe she needs closure, too. You could help each other heal." Mark lowered his voice, making it higher-pitched, and he sniffled for effect.

"Maybe, but nothing more than that can come out of this, Mark," Roger said, looking down.

But Mark wasn't convinced. He knew Roger better than anybody, and knew that better things for him always started out this way.

* * *

OK, so right away, I apologize for keeping you readers waiting so long for this sequel. But I've been so busy, I haven't had hardly any time to write, and nearly no time to post anything at all. I guess you could call it a hiatus, but I do want to continue writing. I just won't be able to do it as much in the next several months. I hope this sequel is satisfactory. Please leave me a review about what you thought. We writers appreciate any feedback we get from readers. Thanks.

Until next time, lots of love,

Renthead07


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

* * *

A couple days later, Roger looked up one morning, as he heard a knock on the door. Going over to it, he pulled the door aside. Jaclyn stood there. She was beautiful as ever, and this caused Roger physical pain. He realized the physical pain was probably because his heart was fluttering at the sight of her.

"Hi, Jaclyn," Roger said, looking down at her. "What's up?"

"Come with me," Jaclyn said quickly.

"Why, is something wrong?" Roger asked.

"No. Just come on, we're going for a walk," Jaclyn said, a mischievous tone in her voice. Her eyes sparkled mischievously, just like Andy's always had. Roger's heart sped up.

Roger looked down at her suspiciously. "Well…" he hesitated. But her gaze was almost too much for him to resist. He sighed. "Oh, all right. Just let me put my guitar away."

"OK," Jaclyn said pleasantly, smiling happily. "I'll just wait out here."

"OK," Roger said, and he went into the kitchen area and wrote a note to Mark, explaining where he had gone. Then he put away his guitar and followed her out.

* * *

After a while of walking through Tompkins Square Park and talking to each other, Jaclyn and Roger sat down on a bench together by the pond. Jaclyn turned to face Roger and said something he'd been dreading the entire walk.

"She loved you very much, you know."

Roger looked down at her. After a long, painful pause, he said quietly, "I know. I loved her, too."

"You made life worth living for her, while she was living with my father." Roger nodded. "And you didn't treat her like she was some prize to be won, like Jordan did."

Roger nodded, remembering the fight he had had with Jordan— and would probably have lost, had it not been for Andy's interference. "I basically fought him for her, you know," Roger said.

"Yeah, she told me," Jaclyn said. "She called me whenever she could, when Dad wasn't around. You really freaked her out that day."

Roger almost laughed. "Jackie, I nearly freaked _myself _out," he admitted. "You two were close?"

"Close enough," Jaclyn said, and she looked at him suddenly again, "but not as close as I would have wanted. I regret every day, how much pain my leaving put her through. And I regret every day that she kept it from me, when I would have done something."

Roger looked at her sadly. "I'm so sorry, Jaclyn," he said. "I wish I could have done more to prevent the accident. I regret it every day, too."

"You tried," Jaclyn said. She looked up at him and became even more serious. "Roger, that day you finally woke up in the hospital, I heard you talking to your mom. You said you tried to protect her with your own body. You did what you could. What more could you have done?"

"I don't know, Jackie," Roger said. "I asked her if she wanted to pull over and wait out the storm. She said no, even though I said it was OK, that we could if she wanted to; but she insisted she wanted to get home and spend time with me. And I listened, but…" Roger's voice cracked and died, as tears started to fall from his eyes. He looked at her, somewhat scared. "Jackie, she was pregnant. Did you know that?"

Jaclyn was stunned. "No," she stammered, "I didn't. W-was it yours?"

"Yes," Roger said, "I found out what the baby was after I was released— my mom had found out."

"What?" Jaclyn asked.

"A boy," Roger said. He showed her a pendant and two rings that hung around his neck on a chain, bearing the name 'HAYDEN CHRISTOPHER'. "This is the first time in almost ten years that I've worn it. I haven't ever worn it around anyone, not even Mark, and he knows me better than anyone in this world. Hayden Christopher, I think, would have been our baby's name, which is why I have this."

"Oh, Roger…" Jaclyn said. "I'm so sorry. I… I had no idea." She put her face in her hands.

"It's OK, I know you didn't," Roger said, looking down at her. "Your reaction isn't nearly as dramatic as my mom's was."

"Your mom found out?" Jaclyn asked. "Was she angry?"

"Well, yes and no," Roger said. "Of course she was angry that I'd gotten a girl"— he paused, closed his eyes wearily, and after taking a deep breath, continued— "Andy pregnant… But at the same time, I lost a child and the girl I loved, all in the same moment. And my mom lost a grandchild. That leaves a hole that you think will never heal, especially for you, her sister, I'm sure." Roger looked at Jaclyn.

"Yes," she answered quietly, putting her hand on her chest, "it does."

Suddenly, something dawned on Roger. He looked at Jaclyn swiftly, his eyes blazing. "Wait a minute," he said. "It was you."

Jaclyn said nothing.

"It was you, that— that day I woke up," Roger stammered, stunned. "You were standing there in the doorway, watching my mom and I. I—" He paused and looked at her again, holding back his anger with difficulty. "Why didn't you say anything then?"

"I don't know," Jaclyn said. "I— I guess I could see that you weren't ready, that you were in such physical and emotional pain… I thought it was best that you didn't know who I was yet."

"And now, suddenly, you expect me to invite you into my home and listen to your story? How do I even know you are who you really say you are?"

"How can you doubt me?" Jaclyn asked. Roger gave her a skeptical look, but she knew she was right. Even though she was, he didn't move. "How can I prove it to you?"

Roger turned away from her again. "I… I don't know," he said. "I just… I need time to think this over." He stood up and walked away, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"Roger," Jaclyn said, "Roger, wait."

But he did not look back. Jaclyn sighed and sank onto the bench, defeated. "Andy," she said, looking up to the sky, "without you, what do we do? He's hurting so bad. I don't even know anything about him, since that day in the hospital, because he keeps pushing me away. But you can't tell me about him, 'cause you're not here. I don't know what to do, Andy. I need your help."

Jaclyn stood up and decided she would go back to the loft to see if Roger was there. She knew she didn't want to hurt him or herself anymore by bringing up painful memories. But she also knew that, only if they worked together, could they start to heal.

* * *

As always, don't forget to review. This is the last chapter I will be posting up for a while. I'll continue writing the chapters as much as possible. I haven't yet hit a block in the writing; it's just coming much more slowly than usual, with my lack of time. But I don't want to give up on this story, since, the second time around, its original was successful. Please tell me what you thought of this chapter; I always love feedback, no matter what.

Thanks to my newest reviewer, Murgy31, for your fantastic opinions and reviews! I look forward to more of that in the future, I really do. I very much enjoyed writing Crash. My other two ultimate personal favorites of mine are The Perfect Fan and Deviant Beauty; if you're interested in my stories, I highly recommend checking those two out first. Both have sequels, too (hint, hint, nudge, nudge, LOL. OK, OK, I said I wouldn't beg... LOL.)

To the rest of you, of course, thanks very much for your dedication, especially Rosablasifann08, whom I know is going to show up to review this story eventually, once her busy, busy theatre life slows down a bit, right, bud? And I hope to see my old friends and reviewers, Renthead621, notEASYbeingGREEN, broadwaylover07, and Viva La Vie Boheme 1991, among others, R&R for me, too. No rush, though, seeing as I won't be updating too terribly frequently. So, now that this author's note was probably too long, I'm shutting up, I promise.

Until next time, lots of love,

Renthead07


	3. Chapter 3

I know it's short. Sorry. I hope you enjoy it anyway.

**Chapter 3**

* * *

"Roger? Roger, are you here?" Jaclyn called, as she stood outside the loft door and banged on it. "Roger, open up, I know you're in there."

To her surprise, the door slid open. But it was not Roger who answered. "Oh, hi," she said, embarrassed. "Sorry. I'm Jaclyn. Is Roger here?"

"It's OK," said the man. "I'm Mark. Come in. Roger's not here, though, sorry."

"So he really did go for a walk," Jaclyn muttered to herself.

"What?" Mark asked, only partly hearing.

"Never mind," Jaclyn said. "Thanks for letting me come in."

"It's OK," Mark said. "So why are you looking for Roger? I thought you two went on a walk?"

"We did," Jaclyn said, "but it got to the point where he stormed off on me."

"Were you talking about Andy?" Mark guessed.

Jaclyn looked up. "Y-yes," she said. "You knew Andy well, too?"

"Not as well as Roger," Mark said, "but yeah, I knew her. In fact, I remember the day Roger finally asked her out. He came over to my house, all triumphant."

"Did he?" Jaclyn asked. "I wish I'd known." She sat down in a chair and put her head in her hands in frustration. "Why do I feel that my sister knew him so well, so easily, and yet, he pushes me away so much? I just want to be friends with him."

"Well, he's like that a lot," Mark admitted sheepishly, "not just with you, but with all his past girlfriends, few though there may be. And he's had a more troubled past than most."

"What do you mean?" Jaclyn asked. "Please tell me. I want to know."

Mark suddenly looked like he'd unintentionally said too much. Scratching his neck nervously, he said, "Well, Jackie, maybe you should hear this from him, not me. If you hear it from me, it might make him seem bad— which he isn't at all."

"Mark, how am I supposed to get to know him, when he won't even look at me straight or speak to me? He always runs off."

"That's Roger for you," Mark muttered, sounding annoyed. "And I reckon he's a bit scared of you."

"Scared of me?"

"Well, yes… seeing you that day made him feel like Andy was back from the dead. Frankly, I'm surprised Mo and Collins don't know yet. Since this is yours and Roger's business, I won't be the one to tell them, you and Roger will."

Jaclyn looked up at him. "They're friends of yours?" she asked.

"Some of the best," he said, smiling down at her.

"Will they hate me?"

"Of course they won't," Mark said. "But I can't tell you what their reactions are going to be like."

"Now I'm really nervous."

"Don't be. They loved Andy, I'm sure they'll love you the same, even if it takes time." He looked down at her again. "Does that comfort you?"

"Not really, but thanks for trying," Jaclyn said.

Mark smiled. "You're welcome," he said. "So when would you like to meet them? Seeing as Roger's being a stubborn son of a bitch, I figured I might as well help you."

"I don't know."

"Let's see if Roger's up to dinner with them tonight. You've given him time. He shouldn't still be being like this."

Jaclyn nodded. "OK."

At this point in the conversation, Roger walked into the loft. He took one look at Mark and Jaclyn, and he started toward his room. But Jaclyn stopped him.

"Roger, wait, please," she said to him. "Look, I'm sorry I keep bringing up my sister. I know it's a difficult topic for both of us."

She could have sworn she heard him whisper, "Difficult?" to himself, but she ignored this and went on.

"But we can't just avoid it. I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want to do. I know you think the same. I know you're a good man. But can't we be friends without this coming between us?"

Roger looked long and hard at her, as Mark watched behind Jaclyn. "Um…" he said, trying and failing to buy himself time to think. "OK."

Jaclyn's face lit up. "Thanks, Roger," she said. "I appreciate it more than you know." She looked at Mark and sent him a private smile of thanks. "Now, I suppose I'd better go. I'll see you two later. Oh, and I want to meet your other friends sometime, too."

"You will," Mark promised her, smiling. "See you later, Jaclyn."

"Bye, Mark, Roger," Jaclyn said, and then she left.

"Nice girl," Mark said, smiling. "Even if you don't like her, I do. She's very sweet."

"Mark…" Roger said, frowning at him. "You're not making this any easier by interfering."

"Who says I'm not?" Mark asked him. "If I hadn't said something, you might have shut her out forever, Roger." Before Roger could say anything back, he turned around and went into his room.

Mark's words from earlier were echoing in Roger's mind.

_Roger, maybe the reason Jaclyn is here is because she's been hurting as much as you these last nine years. Maybe she needs closure, too. You two can help each other heal._

Roger hoped Mark was right.

* * *

Next chapter will be up ASAP. I've kind of hit a block, but I'll keep trying and see if something comes to me. Chapter 4, in which I'm hoping Jaclyn gets to meet the Bohemians, might not be posted for a while; life itself, besides school, has settled down for me for a while. I hope to write more soon. I always appreciate ideas from readers— not just my beta reader, Rosablasifann08, either— so if you have them, leave them in reviews, OK? I would love to use other readers' ideas in my stories. Either way, leave a review, OK? Thanks.

Until next time, lots of love,

Renthead07


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

* * *

"Hey, Roger," Mark said, walking into the kitchen at around ten that night, "what are you still doing up?"

"I was thinking," Roger responded, not looking at Mark.

"About Jaclyn?" he asked.

"Yes," Roger said. "Now that we're OK with talking about Andy, I think I want to ask her out."

Mark was surprised, but pleased. "Really?" he asked. "That's cool, Roger. I'm happy for you."

"Thanks, man," Roger said.

"So when are you gonna do it, tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I think so; probably in the morning."

"OK. Well, good luck. I'm going to bed."

"OK, goodnight, Mark," Roger said.

When Mark left the room, Roger reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. It had Jaclyn's number on it. She had given it to him when they had been together last. He went over to the phone and dialed. He knew it was late, and he hoped he wasn't waking her up. But he had to do it now or he wouldn't sleep the night.

"Hi, Jaclyn?" he asked when she answered, just to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

"This is she," Jaclyn purred, adding a little extra breathy tone to the end of her phrase. "Who is this, please?"

"This is Roger Davis," Roger said.

"Oh, hi, Roger; what's up?"

"I didn't wake you, did I?"

"No, I was awake." Jaclyn looked down at all the pictures strewn across her bed. She had been trying to organize them without much luck. There were quite a lot of them. Some were Jaclyn and Andy's school pictures. Some were of both Andy and Jaclyn as children. There was even some of Andy and Jaclyn with their mother, before she died. There was Jaclyn at her senior prom… and Jaclyn realized with a pang that this picture had been taken about a month before she'd run away… There were also Jaclyn and Andy's senior pictures. It was the last picture Jaclyn would ever have of Andy. "I was just looking at pictures. Do you need something? Even for a girl like me, calls at 10:30 at night are uncommon."

"Well, let's just say I haven't had a lot of practice," Roger said. Jaclyn laughed and Roger's heart fluttered. He smiled. "I was wondering…"

"What?"

"Would you like to go to breakfast tomorrow?" Roger asked. "Then we could go to lunch or shop or whatever you'd like?" Roger paused and bit his lip, knowing he was rambling out of nervousness.

"You mean, like a date?" she asked.

"I suppose, yeah," Roger said awkwardly.

Her answer surprised him. "Sure," she said, "I'd like that. Then I have something I want to show you."

"You do?" Roger asked. "What is it?"

"I can't tell you, silly," Jaclyn gushed. "That's the point of a surprise."

"Of course it is," Roger said, trying very hard to keep the sarcasm out of his tone. "So I'll pick you up around eight-thirty?"

"You actually get up that early?" Jaclyn teased him.

"I do for special occasions," Roger replied, smiling.

"OK, eight-thirty it is, then," Jaclyn said, smiling as well. "But I'd better go."

"OK," Roger said, somewhat reluctantly. "Bye, Jaclyn."

"Bye, Roger."

Roger hung up the phone and went to bed. But it took him a long time to fall asleep. When he did, images of Andy and Jaclyn danced in his head until he woke the next morning.

* * *

Roger picked Jaclyn up the following morning and they went to breakfast together at the Moondance Diner. It was unusually empty and quiet and quaint this morning. But Roger liked that. It made him realize just how much precious life he wasted when caught up in the buzz of his life.

They went shopping and Jaclyn, in a flurry of boisterous spirits, tried on and bought a few new outfits Roger found to be rather sexy. One even reminded him of Mimi. While Jaclyn was purchasing her last outfit, he snuck away to a jewelry shop and bought her a pretty bracelet. When she was finished and they had begun walking along together, he showed it to her.

"Wow, Roger," she said. "This is so pretty. Where did you get this?"

"Oh, around," Roger said, smiling down at her. "Do you like it?"

"Yes, I love it. Thanks so much for it," Jaclyn said, smiling broadly at him.

"I'm glad you like it," Roger said. "So what do you want to do now? It's almost noon. We could go to lunch and then catch a matinee or something?"

"OK," Jaclyn said. "You sure know how to keep a girl interested."

Roger smiled. Then, before he could stop himself, he said, "I try my best, Andy."

Then he froze, realizing in horror what he had just said. He looked down at Jaclyn warily, wondering if she had heard. Judging by the look on her face, she had.

"Did you just call me Andy?" she asked.

"Yes," Roger replied, closing his eyes warily. Jaclyn began to walk away from him. "Jaclyn, I'm sorry. I screwed up."

"It's OK, Roger, I understand," Jaclyn said, but she would not look at him.

"I mean, you look so much like her…" Roger began.

"Well, if it's only that…"

"It is. I'm sorry."

"It's OK, I guess."

Roger suddenly felt rotten at Jackie's tone of voice. He, too, turned away, embarrassed. "I… I don't know what to say, Jackie, except I'm sorry."

Jackie looked up at him. "Well, maybe we should… you know, maybe this is enough for one day."

"What?" Roger asked, surprised. "OK, well… I'll take you home, then."

"Good," Jaclyn said.

They wordlessly walked back to the car and Roger drove Jaclyn home. Being a gentleman, he saw her into her flat and then he left.

* * *

"Hey, where have you been?" Mark asked, looking up from editing his most recent film, as Roger walked in the door.

"I took Andy to breakfast and then we went shopping for a while— all her idea, my treat," Roger said. He noticed the look on Mark's face. "What's your problem?" he snapped.

"You said Andy, Roger," Mark said.

Roger sank down into a chair in the living room and put his face in his hands. "Mark, why do I keep doing this? I keep calling her Andy, dammit! She noticed, too, and"— he held up his hands in defeat— "that's why I'm here so soon."

"You mean you left her?" Mark asked incredulously, staring at Roger.

"Yes, Mark, I did," Roger snapped, his voice coated with sarcasm. "No, of course I didn't. I dropped her off at home. What do you think I am, Mark, stupid?"

Mark looked at him steadily, though he was stunned at Roger's harshness. "Roger, you know I didn't mean that," he said.

Roger sighed. "I know," he said. "I'm sorry, Mark. I just don't know what to do. I'm so lost. Next thing I know, I'm going to be calling her Mimi."

"So here's what I can suggest you do," Mark began, but Roger interrupted him.

"Wait a moment— you, of all people, are going to give me dating advice?" he demanded.

"Roger," Mark said irritably, and that was all that needed to be said.

Roger shut his mouth. "All right, I'll shut up," he said.

"Good," Mark said firmly. "It's simple, really. Call her tomorrow and apologize, and tell her you want to try again."

"That's it?" Roger asked.

"Well, you said it yourself; I'm no good with dating advice."

Roger cracked a smile. "I'll try it," he said. "Thanks, Mark. So what are you working on?"

"Oh, it's nothing," Mark said quietly, and before Roger could see what it was and argue, he took the film out of his projector and put it away.

"Mark, seriously, what is that?" Roger demanded.

Mark was silent for a moment, and then he spoke. "It's porn." He looked up at Roger, his mouth twitching from holding back a laugh.

Roger was stunned at Mark's answer. He stared at him for a moment, and then they both burst out laughing.

"Jerk," Mark said affectionately.

"Dork," Roger said fondly, and they smiled at each other and Roger forgot all about the forbidden film.

* * *

Hey, everybody. I'm SO sorry this took so long to update! But school and life in general has been way too busy to do any writing at all. Sorry. But thanks to my new Wicked soundtrack that I recently bought, I've been getting inspiration! I realize some of you, maybe most of you, want Jaclyn and Roger to get together; but after losing a sister and lover, I don't think a romantic relationship will come too quickly for them. That's why I'm having them take it slow. It will speed up soon, though, I imagine.

Chapter 5 is already typed up and will be posted soon. Christmas break begins for me in four days, and I'm sure it will be insanely busy, so I don't know how much writing and updating I'll be doing, but I'll try to do some. After Christmas, however, I have to take my ACT and semester finals, and I've got college stuff to do. After all that is taken care of, for the most part, I aim to update more.

Oh, by the way, before I forget, the "forbidden film" that Roger and Mark argue over in this chapter will be discussed in future chapters. I will say this right now, it is most definitely NOT porn! But it's not what you think it is, either. You'll just have to wait and see what it is.

Wow, long author's note! I guess I had a lot to say. Don't forget to review, as always; I need reviews to keep writing. I will keep writing even if I don't get reviews, but feedback is awesome, awesome, awesome! So please don't forget to give it to me!

Until next time, lots of love,

Renthead07


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry I didn't update this when I said I would. I didn't have time. But Christmas vacation has officially started, so when I'm not working and computer access is available, I will try my best to continue updating. Oh, hang on, I forgot something. In this chapter, Jaclyn says she's currently playing Elphaba in _Wicked_. This is my new _Wicked _obsession showing through, I guess. Anyway, I _do_ realize _Wicked _was not theatrically adapted by Steven Schwartz until around 2003, but please work with me here. It's just a story and I can mess around with it as I please. Thanks. Enjoy this chapter. I'm still searching for a name for chapter 4, but if it never gets named, I guess that's OK, too. Continue on.

**Chapter 5**

* * *

_Roger hung up his cell phone as the line went dead and his conversation with Mark was forced to end… He leaned over and kissed Andy… The deer bounded out into the road and the car swerved into their lane… Then Roger heard a crash of metal and thunder._

Roger awoke with a start, sweating hard and panting, lying flat on his back in his bed. Judging by what little amount of light streamed into his room, it was just after sunrise. Roger didn't want to move. He felt rotten, like he'd let Jaclyn down completely. He hadn't meant to call her Andy, of course; that had been purely an accident, perhaps habit. But if it were, why had it happened? Did this mean he truly wasn't "over" Andy; that he hadn't moved on? The accident, after all, had been eight years ago…

Questions swarming through his head, Roger sat up. He swung his legs out of bed and climbed out. He got dressed and grabbed his jacket and left the loft, after quickly writing a note to Mark, telling him where he'd gone.

He went for a long walk to Tompkins Square Park, and there he stayed, sorting out his thoughts. How long he stayed, he really didn't know. But the sun had risen when he arrived back to the loft.

"Hey," Mark said, when he walked through the door, "I made breakfast."

"I'm not hungry," Roger grunted.

"Roger, you have to quit doing this to yourself," Mark sighed. "You don't sleep, you barely eat…"

"How can I sleep, Mark, with Andy and Jaclyn in my dreams? I've been dreaming about the accident again," Roger said.

"What, you have? Why didn't you tell me?" Mark asked, looking up at him, concerned.

"I… I guess I didn't want you to worry," Roger said, looking down at his best friend.

Mark shook his head, almost amused. "Roger, you know I'll worry about you till the day I die," he said.

Roger smiled and nodded. "I know," he said. "But what can I do, Mark? Every time I see Jackie, my thoughts go back to Andy. With that holding me back, how can we ever have anything more than just being friends, even if it's what we want?"

Mark was silent. Here, he was just about as lost as Roger.

"I think all you can do," Mark began, "is keep talking to her, Rog. After all, as long as you think about it, you won't call her Andy anymore."

Roger was about to reply, but the phone rang. As was tradition, nobody moved to answer it.

"_Speeeak_," said the answering machine, in Roger and Mark's obnoxious voices.

"Why do we still even have that voicemail?" Mark asked exasperatedly, looking at Roger, and they both laughed again until they heard the voice on the message.

"Roger? Roger, are you there? It's Jaclyn. Please pick up. I need to talk to you."

Roger didn't even glance at Mark as he went to the phone and picked it up. "Hey, Jaclyn, what's up?" he asked.

"I forgot to show you—"

"Oh, right, the surprise!" Roger said, clapping his hand to his forehead. "I forgot, too, it's OK."

"Well, would you still like to see it?"

"Yes."

"Can you come over to my place? We could have dinner and I could show you it."

"OK, just say when."

"Is six OK with you?"

"Sure," Roger said. "Thanks for calling, Jaclyn. I look forward to it."

"Me, too, hon," Jaclyn purred. "See you at six."

"Bye," Roger said, and he hung up, smiling.

"Another date?" Mark asked, looking up at Roger and smiling.

"Yep," Roger said. "We forgot about the surprise she had for me."

"So I heard," Mark said, smirking.

Roger blushed, but smiled.

"So when are Collins and Mo and Jo and everybody gonna meet her?" Mark asked.

"Well, I dunno," Roger said. "This is only our second official date, so I'd like to boost the success rate up a bit more first; maybe for Christmas, if she's up to it."

"Sounds good," Mark said. "Have fun tonight."

"I will," Roger said, and he smiled again.

* * *

Jaclyn looked up, startled, as she heard a knock on the door. Looking down, she gave herself a quick once-over and went to answer.

"Hi," she said to Roger, when the door swung open to reveal him.

"Hi," he said, grinning at her for the first time in weeks. "You… you look great."

"Thanks," Jaclyn said. She opened the door wider. "Come in, come in. It's getting cold out there."

"Thanks," Roger said, and he hung up his jacket and followed her into the living room. "This is a nice place."

"Thanks," Jaclyn said again. "I tried to clean it as much as possible before you came, but…"

"It's OK, I understand," Roger said. "I'm a musician. Nothing clean and tidy is natural."

Jaclyn laughed and Roger realized internally just how much he was beginning to miss that sound when she was away. Was he…? No, he dared not say it yet.

"So what is my surprise?" Roger asked. He sniffed the air appreciatively. "Something sure smells good."

"That's dinner," Jaclyn said, smiling. "It's actually a famous pasta dish of my mom's." She looked up at him curiously. "Do you… like pasta?"

"Dear, when you come from where I do, you learn to enjoy anything, especially good home cooking," Roger said earnestly, smiling at her. She laughed again.

"Well, I'm glad you're looking forward to it," she said. "It's called _sausage penne _or something like that."

"Excellent," Roger said.

"And before you ask again, the surprise is after dinner."

"OK, I can live with that."

They sat down at the kitchen table and ate the delicious pasta dish Jaclyn had made. Afterward, Roger waited for her as she went in her room and got the surprise, whatever it was. His eyebrows rose as he realized what it was.

"Pictures?" he asked her.

"Yes," she said, "of Andy and I. I thought you'd like to see some of her and me growing up."

"Sure I would," Roger said. "I only have a couple pictures of her, so you might have to tell me which ones are which."

"OK," Jaclyn said, smiling at him. She pulled out a picture that had Andy dressed up as a princess and Jaclyn dressed up as a witch. A beautiful woman stood behind them, hugging them close.

"This was Halloween," Jaclyn said. "She insisted on being Rapunzel, I think. I was the Wicked Witch of the West. She said it wasn't a costume sometimes. Right before she died, she and I exchanged letters about me going to play Elphaba in _Wicked_."

Jaclyn smiled and Roger laughed. "Sisterly love," he teased.

"This was taken shortly before Mom died," Jaclyn said, coming across a picture of Andy and Jaclyn with a bald woman lying in a hospital bed. Although the woman seemed frail, she was smiling and her eyes were young and bright.

"That's your mom?" Roger asked.

"Yes," Jaclyn said. She sighed and closed her eyes. "How I miss her sometimes. But I know she and Andy are both feeling no pain anymore, so that helps me. I throw myself into my work to make the memories less painful."

"Your mom was beautiful, Jackie," Roger said. He looked down at her. "Like you."

Jaclyn looked up at him, and to his surprise, there was tears forming in her eyes. "Thanks, Roger," she said, seeming both pleased and confused.

She continued to flip through the book and eventually came upon pictures of Roger performing with the Well Hungarians onstage.

"Whoa, Roger, look at your hair," Jaclyn said. "It was so short back then and completely bleached blonde."

"You haven't seen my yearbook picture from my first year of college," Roger laughed. "I had hair that was several inches long and also blonde, but a little darker than this. And it was curly. It was insane."

Jaclyn smiled and laughed.

"Andy must have taken these at the club in Scarsdale," Roger said. He tried to smile, but found he failed. "Oh, look, there's one of me and her, probably taken by Mo."

Roger and Andy leaned against each other, smiling to the camera. They looked very happy just to be with each other.

"I'm glad she didn't see me after she died; at least, I hope she didn't," Roger said. He looked heavenward for a moment and blushed.

"What do you mean, Roger?" Jaclyn asked, closing the book and putting it aside.

"I mean… Jackie, I can't be friends with you unless you know this, I guess," Roger began. He pulled up the sleeve of his shirt and Jaclyn saw for the first time the faint track mark scars on his left forearm.

"Shortly after Andy died, I met a girl named April Erickson. She was basically a rebound relationship for me, and, well… she got me started on doing heroin. Her dad used to beat her and her mom a lot. She moved out the day she could to get away from it, and she never got over the guilt she felt about leaving her mom to her father's wrath… like you and Andy, I guess, in a way."

He looked down at her, checking to see if he had accidentally offended her in any way by saying that; but she was looking at him steadily, so Roger guessed he hadn't.

"It's OK," she said. "I understand what you mean. Go on."

"OK. Well, believe it or not, she got me started on doing heroin," Roger said slowly. Then he paused, waiting for her reaction.

"Oh, my God, Roger," Jaclyn said, shocked. "She did? Why?"

"After what happened with Andy, and with her and her parents, she and I both just wanted to… forget. We wanted to make the pain go away," Roger said. "And it worked, too. It numbed our pain. But things went downhill from there. I almost OD'd on it once. April and I began getting HIV tests after that, and for a while, they were negative. We succumbed deeper and deeper into it until it was finally too late. Our results came back positive."

He paused in his story and looked down at her. She looked scared.

"Yes, Jaclyn, I'm HIV-positive. I'm not proud of it, obviously," Roger said, "but it's part of me now and has been for years. The results came back positive and only days after that April killed herself out of guilt. She slit her wrists. It was all just too much for her. From that day on, Mark and Collins and Benny— our landlord, ex-roommate, you haven't met him yet, and I hope you don't have to— got me clean and I haven't done any drugs since. I'm on good AZT meds for my HIV. I've quit smoking, too. I chew sunflower seeds instead. I drink responsibly, unlike Collins and Mo." He looked down at her again and said, "There, I said it. That's my story." He suddenly became rather uncomfortable. "I… I just thought it was time you knew. Maybe it'll help me to now screw up with you, like I did with Andy."

Jaclyn nodded understandingly. "I understand your reason," she said. She took the book again and pulled out the picture of Roger and Andy at the club. "Do you want to keep this one?"

"Yeah, thanks," Roger said, smiling at her. His heart sped up at the sight of her beautiful eyes. He couldn't resist them.

Before he knew what he had done, he had leaned in and met his lips gently to hers. Despite herself, Jaclyn was surprised at the feelings behind it. To Roger's surprise, she returned the kiss.

It only lasted three seconds, but to Roger, it seemed to last forever. When they parted, Jaclyn's hand went slowly to her mouth and her fingers rested gently on her lips in awe. Roger simply stared at her.

"Wow," she said quietly. "Why— why didn't you tell me?"

"I was afraid to," Roger admitted.

"Why?" Jaclyn asked. "You strike me as a guy who isn't afraid of anything."

"Except hurting the women I love, because I have so many times," Roger said.

"Roger, you don't have to be afraid of hurting me," she said quietly. "If you're feeling something, just… just acknowledge it." She looked up at him, her midnight blue eyes like a deep ocean. "I have."

Roger nodded. "I know," he said. "Well, I should go."

"OK. Take care of yourself, Roger," Jaclyn said. She walked with him to the door and then he left, his mind spinning.

* * *

"So how was the surprise?" Mark asked, as Roger walked through the door. Roger didn't respond. Mark frowned. "Roger? Roger, are you OK?"

Roger remained silent and seemingly dazed. Then he touched his lips where he'd kissed Jaclyn, and Mark understood.

"Oh, my God, Roger," he said. "You didn't really…?"

"Mark, I kissed her," Roger said, finally surfacing to conscious thought. "I— I don't know what came over me. I just did. She looked so beautiful." He looked down at Mark. "Did I do something… wrong?"

"No, Roger," Mark said quickly. "This is good, actually."

"It is?" Roger asked, confused.

"Yes," Mark said. "It means you're moving on."

"Oh, OK," Roger said. "I, uh, also told her I'm positive."

"You did?" Mark asked. "Well, what did she say?"

"Not much, but I told her I wanted her to know that about me before we could really be, uh… more than friends," Roger said.

"And how did you feel about telling her all that?" Mark asked.

"Well," Roger began, "relieved, I guess."

"How did she react?"

"She seemed scared at first, but then we talked about accepting it, and she seemed fine with it. Frankly, I'm surprised."

"Yeah, I bet. But it was successful?"

"All in all, I suppose so, yes."

"Well, good, I'm glad," Mark said. "See, I told you, eventually you two would get along fine. You just had a rough start is all."

"Ha, ha," Roger laughed sarcastically. "I'm trying to take it slow. I don't want to screw things up with her, now that things are getting more…"

"Interesting?" Mark suggested.

"Yeah," Roger said, smiling.

"I'm happy for you, Roger," Mark said.

"Me, too, Mark," Roger said, and he meant it.

* * *

So am I the only one who's been waiting for Roger to finally admit that he likes Jaclyn a lot, and vise versa? Maybe it's just me, who knows? They will take it slow in their relationship, but I had to speed things up a little, or else I think it would have dragged on and on. Don't forget to leave your opinions in reviews. I love feedback. I aim to update chapter 6 within the next couple of days; if I don't, sorry. But I'll try to.

Oh, quick note to Renthead621 (whom I haven't seen review yet, unfortunately): When Roger talks about his hair being "several inches long in college," I'm referring to your current display picture (as of 12/21/07.) It's insane crazy, but totally awesome, and I took inspiration from it. Hehe.

Until next time, lots of love,

Renthead07


	6. Chapter 6

I'm kind of sad that I didn't get this updated before Christmas actually occurred. Sorta takes the feeling out of it, I think. But I've been so busy with Christmas stuff (and I've only worked one day! Woo, LOL) that I haven't had a chance to write or update anything. Sorry. Enjoy it anyway. Jaclyn finally gets to meet the Bohos!

Oh, before I forget, I couldn't resist putting that Wicked reference in there… but I don't own it, I'm just renting it. You'll see. :) And I watched Rent last night (I got it on two-disc widescreen DVD for Christmas, YAY!) and I cried from Angel's funeral and _I'll Cover You (Reprise)_ to the end. Luckily, neither of my parents came in and saw me. Hehe.

**Chapter 6**

* * *

"Merry Christmas, Jackie," Roger said, smiling down at her as she opened the door of her flat, a few weeks later.

"Hi, Roger, Merry Christmas to you, too," Jaclyn said. She opened the door and came outside to join him on the porch.

"So are you ready to go look at lights and stuff?" Roger asked her.

"I thought that was after dinner?" Jaclyn teased him.

"It is," Roger said, smiling at her. "It looks like dinner and then lights and skating, and finally, meeting the Bohos at the loft."

He smiled at her, but was crestfallen when her face fell. "What is it?"

"Will they hate me?" Jaclyn asked, looking up at him.

"Why would you ask such a thing, Jackie?" Roger asked her, surprised.

"Well, because of Andy, and I don't know how close they were to her…" Jaclyn said nervously. "Be honest with me."

"Honest," Roger repeated, and when he noticed her beginning to shiver, he put his arm around her. They began walking and he spoke. "OK, you want honest." She nodded. "Maureen, a.k.a. Mo, was Andy's best friend, once she started hanging out with us. Mimi, Joanne, and Angel weren't around yet. We didn't meet them until last year. Mark's been my best friend since preschool and knew her, but only vaguely. Collins barely knew Andy at all until… well, until her funeral, which I missed entirely, because—"

"Yes, I know," Jaclyn said, looking down.

Roger lifted her chin with his hand. "But you know, you'll soon find out that these guys are some of the best people in the world. If you act normal, I'm sure they'll love you." He kissed the top of her head. "Just be yourself and you'll see."

"Right," Jaclyn said. "OK, I'll try. Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Good girl," Roger said, "and you're welcome." He smiled. "Now let's go eat."

Jaclyn smiled. "OK," she said, and she got into the car with him.

* * *

"Hey, Roger," Collins said, as Roger and Jaclyn entered the loft, after they had had dinner and driven around town, looking at Christmas lights together.

"Hi, guys," Roger said, smiling at them. "I want to introduce you to someone. This is Jaclyn Conway." He indicated to the Bohos. "Jackie, this is Tom Collins, Maureen Johnson, and Joanne Jefferson; and you know Mark already. You'd be able to meet Mimi, except she's down in Mexico with her family, and Angel passed away last year."

"Oh," Jaclyn said solemnly. "I'm glad to meet all of you."

"We're glad to meet you, too, Jaclyn," Collins said, smiling at her.

"Finally," Maureen said. "We've been wondering how long Roger was gonna hide you from us." She smiled warmly at Jaclyn and Jaclyn smiled back.

They continued talking well into the night, until finally, Roger noticed Jaclyn stifling a yawn.

"You should get some sleep," he sad quietly. "We can't let our little actress be nodding off on the job." Jaclyn nodded, agreeing. "You can sleep in Benny's old room, OK? He's our rich landlord who picks our pockets for a living."

Jaclyn laughed. "Don't they all?" she asked.

"I suppose," Roger said, "but he used to be our friend. He barely shows here anymore. I hope you don't have to ever meet him."

Jaclyn looked up into Roger's eyes and saw a look on his face that she'd never seen before: unadulterated loathing.

"You really don't like him, do you?" Jaclyn asked. Roger shook his head and Jaclyn looked at the others, in whose eyes she suddenly saw the same expression, especially in Collins' and Maureen's eyes.

"But we'll talk about them later," Roger said, looking down at her, his expression cleared. "Come on, dear."

"All right," Jaclyn said, and Roger carried her into the bedroom. "Roger, you don't have to carry me, you know," she protested mildly.

"Oh," Roger said, and he set her down on the bed, suddenly embarrassed and afraid he'd done something wrong.

"It's OK, I don't mind," Jaclyn said. "You're quite strong, actually. It's kind of nice."

Roger smiled. "Do you want me to stay with you until you fall asleep?" he asked. "I mean, it's a new place and all, and…"

"You're very kind, thank you, but no," Jaclyn said. "I think I'll be OK. See you in the morning."

"Sure," Roger said. "My room's on the right and Mark's is on the left, if you… need anything."

"I'll keep that in mind," Jaclyn said, smiling at him. "Goodnight, Roger."

"Goodnight, Jackie," Roger said, and he closed the door behind himself as he left.

* * *

OK, so shorter chapter than usual, I guess. Sorry if you wanted it to be longer. And I realize that Jaclyn's meeting the Bohos was probably a little rushed and awkward, but I didn't know what else to do. I'm trying to update this chapter and the next chapter before I leave in a few hours to go visit family for New Year's. Don't forget to review. I love feedback. I hope everyone has a safe and good New Year's. Mine will be packed with people and probably pretty busy, from the sounds of it. :)

Until next time, lots of love,

Renthead07


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

* * *

_He raced her to the car and they both got in… He noticed her shiver and got her a quilt from the backseat… He leaned over and kissed her… Heard her scream… Then his world went dark in a crash of metal and lightning… Her pale face lingered in his mind, when nothing else would…_

Roger awoke with a start, breathing hard and sweating. He rolled over slowly onto his side, feeling like he hadn't slept at all; when in fact, he'd slept all night and was having the same nightmare again. Only this time, it had been a little different; why, he didn't know. Roger sat up slowly and rhythmically cuffed the side of his head with his fist.

"Get out of there," he murmured wearily.

He went out to the kitchen and over to the coffeemaker and turned it on. He put in a coffee filter and poured in the beans and began to brew it. When it was done, he went looking for a cup and came upon his AZT bottle. He stared long and hard at it, thinking. He hadn't been positive yet when he'd had a relationship with Andy; for that, he was eternally grateful. That was one less thing he'd hurt her with.

Then he'd met April after the accident and she'd caused him to contract HIV by sharing needles with him when they shot up together.

He'd been positive and clean for a year when he'd met Mimi and she'd gotten him out of the loft. Being both positive and fearful for their lives might end soon, they hadn't been hesitant at all in their relationship, except once when Roger had tried to get Mimi to clean up and get off the heroin and he had failed. Mimi's health had progressively deteriorated after her overdose on that Christmas Eve a year ago, and she'd gone down to Mexico to spend whatever time she had left with her family. Roger hadn't heard a word from her since, and now with Jaclyn, his memories and HIV was holding him back from having a relationship with her.

"Roger?" a voice said from behind him.

Roger jumped and whipped around, startled, accidentally slamming the cupboard shut. He winced. "Oh, hi, Jaclyn," he said, blushing with embarrassment. "How— how did you sleep?" He was rambling and he knew it, but she'd caught him off-guard.

"I slept fine, thanks," Jaclyn said. She looked up at him. "Are you OK? You seem… rattled."

"I… uh… no," Roger stammered. "You startled me, that's all."

"Oh," Jaclyn said, "sorry."

Roger shrugged. "I'll get over it," he reassured her, smiling. "Do you want coffee?"

"I actually don't like coffee," Jaclyn said. "But if you have tea or something, that'd be great."

"Nope, sorry," Roger said, grinning at her, "fresh out."

Jaclyn laughed. "OK, then water will do just fine," she said.

"That we do have," Roger said, laughing.

Roger went over to the sink and filled a glass with water for Jaclyn. She accepted it from him and they sat down at the table. Jaclyn looked up at him.

"Roger, you know you don't have to be embarrassed about your HIV around me," she said. "If you did, do you think I would have accepted you as easily as I do?"

Roger was silent. Jaclyn was right and he knew it. "No," he said, "you're right. I'm sorry, Jaclyn, it's just hard. I mean, I'm positive, you're not." He looked down at her. "I guess that's holding me back. I don't want to hurt you again."

"Roger, that happened a long time ago," Jaclyn said. "And you know the accident was not your fault. I'm sure you've been told that over and over."

Roger nodded. "I guess I have," he said evasively.

"So why are you dwelling on it?" Jaclyn asked. "I'm not. Sure, I miss her every day— her voice, her phone calls— but it's something we have to live with. What else is there to do?"

Roger shook his head. "OK, I'm sorry," he said. "It's just… oh, never mind."

There was a long pause. Then out of the blue, Jaclyn said curiously, "Roger, tell me about Mimi and Angel."

Roger looked up. "Mimi and Angel?" he asked, sure he'd misheard. Jaclyn nodded. "Why do you want to know about them?"

"Because they were part of you," Jaclyn said, "and I want to know all about you. Can I?"

"Well… yes… I suppose," Roger said. He began his story and increasingly gained confidence as he told it to her. "Mimi was 19 when I met her. She was beautiful; beautifully tragic, in a way. She came and asked me for a light, probably so she could cook up her heroin. She claimed her heat had been shut off. From there, we only saw each other a few times, but…

"But at the Life a few days later, we found out that we were both positive and… I fell in love with her that night. We spent the summer away from each other, though, because I got angry after she told me she'd had a thing with Benny and I left her. During our time apart, I saw her about to use once, and another time I saw her buying from her dealer, and I got angry and left her…" He paused for a moment, remembering. "That dealer used to be my dealer." He looked up at Jaclyn. "Anyway, after that, she dropped out of rehab and started using again. It got her fired from her job, and she was one of the best dancers there." Roger almost smiled, but then his face fell. "Shortly before Christmas that year, Maureen and Joanne found her on the streets, living in the park. They brought her back to the loft and she, uh…" He closed his eyes and looked down. "She sort of died, right there in my arms."

"Sort of?" Jaclyn asked.

Roger looked at her for any sign of disbelief or mockery, but there was none. "She died, but was sent back… by Angel, she said," he explained.

"Oh. I understand," Jaclyn said. "And after that, she went to Mexico?"

"Yeah," Roger said, "and we haven't heard a word from her since." He looked down again. "I'm kind of worried."

Jaclyn lifted his chin with her finger. "But she's with her family," she said. "She's in good hands, right?"

"Yeah, I think so," Roger said.

"Well, then, I guess I should tell you not to worry. They'll call you or send you a letter or something if there's any change, good or bad."

Roger nodded. "I suppose you're right," he said.

For now, Roger felt relieved. That night, he slept peacefully, with no nightmares of the accident.

* * *

A few weeks later, Jaclyn spent the night at the loft again with Roger, Mark, and the Bohemians. Although she was slightly intimidated by Maureen at first, especially when Maureen became drunk, she gradually warmed up to Maureen. She got along well with Joanne most of the time, and she was very comfortable around Collins, who was always warm and kind to her. Then of course, there were Mark and Roger, who were already becoming fast friends with her, especially Mark, who was the more stable of the two.

When Jaclyn awoke the next morning, she went out into the kitchen and saw she and Mark were the only ones up yet. She walked quietly into the kitchen and Mark put a finger to his lips when he saw her. He pointed to the couch, on which rested a large lump of blankets, which was breathing. Jaclyn stared at it for a moment before realizing it could only be Collins.

"Is he OK?" Jaclyn asked, looking at Mark.

"Psh, yeah," Mark said off-handedly, "just sleeping off a hangover. It wouldn't be wise to wake him up before noon." Mark grinned at her.

"OK, I'll try not to," Jaclyn said, smiling back at him. "Is Roger still sleeping, too?"

"Yep," Mark said. He glanced at the kitchen table, on which there was a letter. "He's got mail when he wakes up."

"Oh? Who from?" Jaclyn asked curiously, though she knew it was none of her business. Her face fell when Mark's did. "Mark?" she prodded.

"It's from Mrs. Marquez and her family," Mark said, looking at Jaclyn. "Mimi's mother."

Jaclyn, remembering what Roger had told her about Mimi, was smart enough to realize this wasn't a good thing, especially judging by Mark's face. "Did… did she die?" she asked.

"I don't know," Mark said, lowering his voice. "I can't bring myself to open it. It's addressed to 'Roger Davis and family.' That's all of us. I could open it, but I think he'd be pissed."

Jaclyn looked up at him. "Should we wait?" she asked.

Mark paused for a moment, thinking deeply. "Yeah," he said after a moment, "I think we should. Not just Roger will want to see this."

Jaclyn nodded. "You're right," she said. She put her hand on his shoulder. "But you know that, no matter what that letter holds, if it's bad, we'll get through it, right?"

Mark nodded, his hands shaking nervously. "Right," he said. He looked down at his hands. "Hold that focus steady…" he murmured to himself, willing his hands to stop shaking. But they wouldn't, because he was pretty sure he knew what was lying ahead for them.

There was a pause and then Mark seemed to remember his host manners. "Do you want coffee?" he asked. Then he seemed to remember. "Oh, wait, you don't drink coffee, right?"

"Right," Jaclyn said, smiling at him. He got her a glass of water and a cup of coffee for himself. "Thanks."

They talked quietly for a while, careful not to wake Collins up, but eventually, they fell into drinking their coffee in silence. They were both thinking about what Roger's reaction to the letter would be.

Jaclyn and Mark both looked around when they heard a door open. Roger stumbled into the kitchen.

"Morning, Roger," Mark said, as Roger staggered over to the coffee Mark had made.

"Morning, Mark, Jaclyn," Roger mumbled. He looked at Jaclyn. "Did you sleep OK?"

"Yeah, I slept fine," Jaclyn said.

"How do you sleep so well in that uncomfortable bed?" Roger asked her. "If ever one of us sleeps in that bed, we practically don't sleep at all."

"Well, if you're really that uncomfortable with it, then I must just be really tired, I guess," Jaclyn said.

Roger grinned. "That I wouldn't doubt," he said. "We've been keeping you up late a lot." Jaclyn nodded and smiled.

"You got mail, Rog," Mark said suddenly, and he tossed the envelope to Roger.

Roger slit open the envelope with his finger and pulled out the letter inside, without looking at the return address. "But I— I never get mail," he said nervously, giving Mark a worried look.

Mark shrugged. "Just read it," he said.

Roger's eyes scanned the letter and Mark and Jaclyn watched as he paled and his eyes widened, the farther he read. Suddenly, when he seemed to reach the end, tears welled up in his eyes.

"Roger?" Jaclyn asked, looking at him, concerned. "Roger, what is it?"

"It— it's Mimi," he stammered, and tears ran down his face. "She… she's dead."

* * *

Ooh, cliffhanger, dun dun dun. Wanna know what happens? Well, send some reviews this way and I'll try my best to post up the next chapter by the end of the weekend. I've already begun working on it; I'm trying to finish it as fast as possible. I realize it may not be wise to leave it at a cliffhanger, but I've decided that's best. We'll see.

Quick note to Rosablasifann08: I know yesterday you mentioned in your review, you wanting to know whether Roger told Jaclyn he loved her because he really does, or because of Andy. Well, at this point, it could go either way. But I'm thinking I'm leaning more toward it's just because of Andy, to be honest. You and I discussed this yesterday and all the possibilities I've got going for future chapters. I'll keep you posted.

And just to warn the rest of you, starting around the 16th (after second quarter ends), I'm going to be taking my ACT and everything, so updating may be slowly then, if I don't already have the story finished (and I don't plan to have it finished by then, with what I have in mind for the end.) Please be patient with me about slow updates; I simply am much too busy to update as often as I used to, what with college entrance everything and all that. I'm still writing, though, I promise. But after I finish this story, I think I'm going to take another much-needed hiatus to writing. We'll see. Writing fan fiction on this site has been a huge part of my life for 6 years now; I don't know how easily I'll be able to leave it.

Don't forget to review. I always appreciate feedback. And we authors need it sometimes to continue writing; it's our smack, in a way. Besides, it isn't all a free ride. :)

Until next time, lots of love,

Renthead07


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

* * *

"No! No, no, no, no, no!" Roger screamed in anguish. He fell to his knees on the kitchen floor. Jaclyn and Mark rushed over, reached under her arms, and pulled him up into a chair. His hands shook and he dropped the letter. It floated to the floor. Mark could make out one line of Mrs. Marquez's handwriting.

_Roger, I regret to inform you this news. I'm sorry to have to say this, but Mimi has died._

Jaclyn bent down and picked up the letter. She read the first line and looked at Roger. "Oh no, Roger, I'm so sorry," she said, looking down at him.

For a moment, Roger was completely silent. Then he began to yell.

"She's dead, Mark," he yelled. "How could she be dead? She— she told me she'd begun to get clean. I—" His voice choked off.

Roger fell silent. Both Jaclyn and Mark knew Roger was not talking about the Christmas Eve they'd found Mimi living in the park and brought her back to the loft, where she nearly died. As Jaclyn gave Mark a worried look, he read the rest of the letter. "It— it says her body gave up in the end, Rog," Mark said. "She was using again and she was"— his voice lowered— "so, so thin for a long time. It must have all just been too much in the end."

After several moments, Roger calmed down. He looked at Mark. "You— you're right," he said. "But still, she's gone…"

"Roger, she's no longer in any pain, whether from her being thin or her attempt at getting clean— because from what I've heard, withdrawal sucks—" Jaclyn said, trying to comfort him.

Roger looked up at her with hollow, sunken, tired eyes. "It does," he said, his voice heavy with fatigue.

"And I didn't know Mimi at all, but from what you all have told me, she was a fierce friend who helped you see the light of day again, after April."

"Please don't bring April into this," Roger said darkly, his tone of voice pained.

"But—"

"Look, Jackie, you shouldn't be here," Roger said defensively. "You're right, you didn't know Mimi at all; so stop pretending like you did just to make me feel better, because it's not working." He looked at her through angry, hurt eyes. "I loved Andy. I would have married her if we'd both made it out of high school alive. We were both negative back then; I'd never gotten into any drug shit yet. Then Andy died and it was all I could think of to do to escape the pain. Mimi made me see the light after April killed herself, you're right about that. But she didn't last, either. Don't you see? Every woman in my life that I ever loved has ended up hurt, even dead. Can't you see I don't want that to happen to you? I really, really don't."

"I understand, Roger, and I appreciate it, really. But I'm not worried about that. I know you care about me and I care about you."

"Jaclyn, I've been thinking about this for a while now, and I need to tell you now or I'll never forgive myself. Maybe I'll never forgive myself for saying it, I don't know, but at least I will have been honest with you in the end. That day you came back to the loft looking for me, I fell in love with you because you looked so much like Andy. And we tried dating and all, and it was fun, but this just isn't working out. I can't be with you, because if I'm with you, I'm bound to hurt you. I don't want that. I want you to be happy, yes… just not with me." He turned away from her and would not look at her. "Please, go."

"But—" Jaclyn began helplessly.

"Go!" he yelled.

Jaclyn felt tears welling up in her eyes. She looked from Roger to Mark to Collins, who had just shuffled into the kitchen from the couch.

"Wha's goin' on?" he murmured sleepily.

Nobody said a word. Jaclyn looked at Collins one last time before she dropped something onto the couch. It was a red book. It had a smooth, red cover and said 'PHOTOS' on the front. Roger and Jaclyn had looked through it once before, but no one else knew about it but the two of them.

Jaclyn ran off, tears flowing down her cheeks. As she pulled open the loft door and ran downstairs and outside, Collins rounded on Roger. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he demanded, glaring at Roger. "What did you do to her?"

"I told her I don't love her," Roger said.

"_What?_" Collins said, aghast. "How could you?"

"What do you mean, 'how could I?''" Roger snapped. "I'm a big boy; I can take care of myself. I told her I don't love her because… Collins, if I get involved with her, she'll just get hurt, maybe even die. I won't take that risk with her!"

"Wow," Collins said, after a long, stunned pause. He looked very disappointed. "Of all things, Roger, I wouldn't have thought you'd choose that."

"Who asked you to interfere?" Roger snapped.

Then, before either Mark or Collins could say anything, he stormed to his room and slammed the door. Mark and Collins heard a click as it locked.

Collins looked at Mark, lost. They both didn't know how to help Roger now. No advice would change Roger's mind. He had a point: being with Jaclyn had its risks, mainly because of his HIV. But he still had potential with her, as long as he was careful. And he was always careful with the women in his life, after April; they knew that. He just couldn't see it. He was too afraid.

"He just can't see it, can he?" Collins asked Mark. "None of the girls who died, died by his hand; at least, not directly. He just can't see that..."

Mark shook his head. It seemed like Roger truly was never going to forgive himself for what had happened to Andy, especially in a close association situation to someone like Jaclyn, and it was destroying him. Now it had destroyed Jaclyn.

"Do we go after her?" Collins asked Mark.

Mark nodded. "Yeah," he said, "we can try." Collins nodded and began to walk away, but Mark grabbed him by the shoulder. "Collins… if she doesn't want to come back…"

"Don't force her to," Collins said. "Yeah, I know."

"Just make sure she doesn't get hurt, OK? I'll hang around here in case she does come back."

"I will, man," Collins promised, and then he left.

* * *

Collins searched everywhere he could think of for Jaclyn. He checked her flat, but she was not there. He checked back at the loft, but she hadn't come back yet.

"She's not here, Collins," Mark said. Roger had still not come out of his room and Mark had stayed behind, in case Jaclyn had come back, but she hadn't.

"Where else should I look?" Collins asked. "I've checked her flat, the Life, the Moondance Diner, the Cat Scratch Club, Tompkins Square Park… everywhere."

"Well, um, think of Roger," Mark suggested. "When he was having trouble with April and Mimi, where did he go? That's all I can think of…"

Then suddenly, it dawned on Collins. He paled as he looked at Mark. "Oh, my God," he said. "Mark, I think I know where she is."

"Where?" Mark demanded.

"I— I think— it if were at all possible, I think she may be in The Man's territory."

"_What?_"

"Well, think about it," Collins said, as he and Mark both rushed to the door. "She wanted to get to know Roger, but he kept pushing her away?" Mark nodded, waiting for more explanation from the philosopher. "Well, what's one of the first things he told her about himself?"

"About April and his drug use, you mean?"

"Yes. Only recently did he tell her about Mimi and Angel. She knew his HIV was holding him back from having a relationship with her, right from the start, when he told her about it. She isn't stupid; I'm sure she figured that out."

"Do you think she'll try heroin?" Mark asked, horrified.

"I don't know— maybe." Collins looked scared now.

"But why?"

"The same reason Roger did; to forget that he'd hurt Andy, and eventually, April; only with Jackie, Roger hurt her really bad this time, so it's the other way around."

"We've got to find her, Collins, and quick," Mark said desperately.

"I know, man," Collins said, as Roger came out of his room. He didn't say anything, but Collins did.

"Man, you are an ass, Roger," Collins snarled. "Now go back in your room before you risk someone else's life."

He pointed to Roger's room threateningly. Roger suddenly looked like he wanted to hit Collins. But before anything could happen, Collins and Mark left him standing there, silently fuming.

* * *

Jaclyn walked down the dark alleyway, shivering, both from cold and from fear. She knew by the sight of all the junkies and homeless people that she shouldn't be here. But in her distress, she'd wandered aimlessly, even though she normally knew Alphabet City and New York City by heart. Now she was lost and scared.

She walked part of the way down the alleyway and The Man walked up to her. "Hey, sweet," he said, "wanna buy some smack?"

"I— um—" Jaclyn stammered.

"Come on, it'll warm you up. It'll make you feel better," insisted The Man. "It'll make you… forget." He looked at her scared ocean-blue eyes with his own cold, harsh brown ones. Very slowly, he reached up and caressed her face. She did not stop him. She closed her eyes and tired to imagine it was Roger touching her, though she was shaking with terror.

"Well, do you wanna try it? For new clients of mine, first buy is free of charge. Is there anything you'd like to forget?" He looked down at her. "You look like someone hurt you real bad."

"They did," Jaclyn said. "Someone did."

"Who, if I may ask?" The Man asked her.

"His name is Roger," Jaclyn said. "He— he told me you were his old dealer."

Recognition flared in The Man's eyes. "Yes," he whispered, "I remember him now. Normally I don't care to remember clients, but he was... different. His cute little redhead girlfriend bought some for him and insisted he try it to forget a memory. I don't care how she did it; I just made money."

Jaclyn knew The Man wasn't talking about Andy; he was talking about April. If it was possible to hate a deceased person, Jaclyn hated April right there and then. She'd started all this trouble with Roger.

"Did he hurt you?" The Man asked seriously. Jaclyn nodded. "What did he do?"

"He… he told me he can't truly love me, since he was only in love with me because I look so much like my sister, his ex-girlfriend," Jaclyn said. She looked down. "My sister was killed in a car crash with Roger eight years ago. I… I think it was a few years before he started buying from you."

The Man nodded. "It probably was," he said. "So… do you want to try it?"

Jaclyn sighed. He was back to his original question. She reached into her purse and began to pull out money to give him. But he stopped her.

"No," he said. "Remember, I said first deal is free of charge?"

"Oh," Jaclyn said, "right." She quickly put the money back into her purse. He pulled out a small baggie somewhat bigger than a quarter and was about to hand it to her, when—

"Jaclyn, no!"

Jaclyn whipped around. Collins and Mark were running toward her. She looked from The Man to Collins and Mark, back to The Man again. Collins and Mark stopped in front of her and quickly pulled her away from The Man.

"Jaclyn, what are you doing?" Collins asked her quickly, alarmed.

"How could you?" Mark asked, looking at her, concerned as well.

"I— I…" Jaclyn couldn't come up with an excuse. Instead, she just let herself be escorted wordlessly out of the alleyway. She couldn't bring herself to look at The Man again. She knew he was probably furious.

They didn't say another word until they'd reached the loft. Roger was again in his room and they knew he wasn't going to come out.

"Jaclyn, what were you thinking?" Mark asked, after having her sit on the couch.

"I— I don't know," Jaclyn stammered. "Mark, Collins, I'm so sorry. I just… I just wanted to forget all that Roger had said to me. He said the heroin made him forget. I thought it would for me, too."

"It would, Baby girl," Collins said. "But it'll also make you forget how to love, how to laugh, how to smile, all your memories… all those things will be gone."

"But if they will be, then how come Roger is holding back from me because of Andy?" Jaclyn asked.

"I don't know, Baby girl," Collins said honestly.

Jaclyn looked up at Mark and Collins. "I'm sorry, you guys," she said. "I just don't know what to do anymore. I… I think, in order to help Roger, I have to leave." She shook her head. "I can't stay here anymore."

Collins and Mark were alarmed. "Where will you go?" they asked together, looking at her.

"I don't know," she said, "anywhere but here. I— I'll call when I get somewhere, but… but I can't stay here anymore."

Collins and Mark nodded. "We understand," Collins said. "But Baby girl, we just want you to be safe."

"I can take care of myself," Jaclyn said, trying not to sound defensive.

"We know, Baby girl," Collins said, smiling and he hugged her. "Just do what you have to do to heal and get better, and when you end up somewhere safe, call us, OK?"

"OK," Jaclyn said. She looked up at Collins. "Wait, what have you been calling me?"

"I called you Baby girl," he replied, blushing and smiling. "It's an affectionate term I generally call all the women in my live whom I care about."

"Oh, OK," Jaclyn said. "It's really nice."

Collins smiled. "I'm glad you like it," he said.

Jaclyn stood up. "Well, I'm going to home, boys. I've been here long enough," she said. She looked at them both. "And I should… thank you, I guess… for saving me tonight. The Man, or whatever he was called, he was being nice, but if he'd started doing something to me… Well, I don't know what I would have done."

"We're always here for you, Baby girl," Collins said, hugging her again. "You go home now, if that's what you need, OK?"

"OK," Jaclyn said. "I'm leaving in the morning."

"OK," Mark said. "We'll see you to the train or a cab or whatever you need, OK? Call us."

"Thanks, I will," Jaclyn said, and she hugged Mark as well. "Goodnight, you guys."

"Goodnight, Jaclyn," they said, and they watched her walk out of the loft one last time.

* * *

My apologies for not getting this up yesterday, like I'd originally planned. But there it is for you, chapter eight. I'm not sure how many more chapters there will be; there probably will not be many more. But I've got two different ideas for the ending to this story. I am still thinking about which of the two endings I want to use; I'm leaning toward one already. I'll post up the next chapter as soon as possible. It will probably be a time lapse of a year or longer. I'll see what I come up with and I'll let you know at the beginning of the chapter.

As always, don't forget to review. I want to dedicate this chapter to my beta, Rosablasifann08, for helping me so much with it. Thanks, chica, you rock. I know you're busy with your life, and still, you found time to help me out. Thanks so much. And in the next chapter or two (I'm guessing, one; we'll see. But I'm betting I want the next chapter to be the end), you'll find out what the movie was all about. It's not that big of a deal, really, but it still is part of the story. I'm sure you'll let me know what you think about it.

Quick notes to Murgy31 (I'm so glad you showed up!) and Misto4Ever (thanks for the new reviews!): Misto4Ever, I know you didn't want to see Roger get hurt. And really, the way I see it, in this story, he isn't the one getting hurt, it's more Jaclyn. With this chapter over, you won't have to see him suffer anymore for the rest of the story. Murgy31, I know how much you love Mark, so I think the ending to this story will interest you. As I said before, I've got two endings to consider. To keep the suspense high and the element of surprise open, I won't be giving any hints here, except that I think you'll like it in some ways, but might not in others. We'll see.

Until next time, lots of love,

Renthead07


	9. Chapter 9

I know I said there would be a time lapse of a year in the very beginning of this chapter, but there isn't. It's a little later instead. I can't think of a title (again.) Any suggestions would be appreciated and possibly used. Happy reading.

**Chapter 9**

* * *

The next morning, Mark and Collins saw Jaclyn to the train. She had decided to go to D.C. There, she was far enough away from Roger to make a difference, but close to Collins, Maureen, and Mark, her three best friends. She already had a job secured at the Kennedy Center, acting in whatever plays she could.

She looked up at Collins and Mark and hugged them both. "I think this will be one of the hardest things I'll ever have to do," she said, starting to cry.

"Promise you'll call or Email or something, so we know how you're doing?" Mark asked her, wiping away her tears with his thumb.

"I promise," Jaclyn said, and she meant it.

"Roger never picks up the phone anyway," Mark said reassuringly.

Jaclyn attempted a smile, but it came out as more of a grimace. The topic of Roger was still a sore subject for her. But it was, very slowly, getting easier.

"OK," she said. The train pulled into the station, its brakes squealing and its whistle blowing. Jaclyn hugged them again. "I don't want to leave you guys. You guys are two of my best friends."

"We don't want you to leave, either, Baby girl," Collins said. "But if it's for the best, then we understand."

"Tell Mo… tell her I said I was sorry I couldn't… you know… say goodbye?" Jaclyn said. She won't have any idea I've left until it's too late. Please don't let her kill Roger."

"We'll make her see straight," Mark promised her.

Jaclyn laughed. "Good luck with that," she teased, though she was crying.

Mark laughed and smiled.

"Well, I'd better go," Jaclyn said. "I'll call you both when I get to D.C. and get settled, OK? But I don't know how long it'll be."

"OK," Mark said.

"Good luck, Baby girl. God Bless," Collins said, hugging her as the conductor called for all to board. Jaclyn boarded, got her seat, and then waved to them as the train departed.

* * *

_Six months later…_

Settling into D.C. hadn't proved to be easy for Jaclyn. Although she was enjoying her new acting gig at the Kennedy Center, she had an even nicer flat than she had had in the East Village, and she'd made a few new friends with her costars, something inside her still ached for the East Village and the Bohemians. But something else had made her hate it even more.

Finally, she got a chance to call Collins, Mark, and Maureen. Collins sounded very excited when he realized it was her.

"Hey, Baby girl, how are you? How's D.C.?"

"Collins, should you really be saying where I am, with—?" she asked nervously. But Collins cut her off.

"Oh, Roger," he said knowingly. "He's at a gig, don't worry. He still doesn't know you left. He just thinks you're avoiding him." Jaclyn was silent and Collins realized he shouldn't have said what he had. "I just mean we aren't gonna tell him until he cares to ask, Baby girl, it's OK. I'm not faulting you."

"Thanks, Collins," Jaclyn said. "I'm sorry I haven't called in so long. I know you were probably worried."

"It's OK, you were getting settled in," Collins said. "I understand. I just waited; you know me."

Jaclyn smiled. It felt so good to talk to Collins; he always understood. Now if only she could tell him the whole truth…

"So what are you doing now, as to living arrangements and all that?" Collins asked her.

"I'm acting at the Kennedy Center. I live in a flat about six blocks away from there. I don't drive to work, since I live so close, since I can take the tram close to it when it's cold. I sold my car when I got here. Besides, I can take the tram to a lot of places or walk. I've made friends with my cast members, too, but no one will ever replace you guys."

"Aw, Baby girl…" Collins said, blushing and smiling. "I wish there was something I could do. Do you need money or anything?"

"No, I've got plenty of money," Jaclyn said. "I could even send some back to you guys, if you need it—"

"No, I'm fine. Mark's making five grand a segment with _Buzzline _and other news programs these days, and that's just them buying the rights to sell his work. He makes more once it sells and stuff, but he's still in the same old loft. He's such a dork; I keep telling him to move up, risk a little, but he won't. If he did, though, it would sure show Benny."

"Benny?"

"Our landlord; you never met him when you were here?"

"No."

"Lucky."

"Collins!" Jaclyn exclaimed, laughing though she was surprised. But she remembered the night Roger and Collins had talked once about Benny; remembered their faces, the unadulterated loathing she'd seen, and she knew.

"I wanna come home so badly," Jaclyn said. "I miss the city so much. I made a mistake in leaving. I followed my raging emotions, not my common sense."

"How do you know that, Baby girl?" Collins asked.

"I just do, Collins. I can feel it."

"When do you want to try to come home?"

"I don't know; another couple of months?"

"That long, if you hate it so much?"

"I'm guessing so, unless something comes up." Jaclyn cringed. She'd just lied to Collins and she knew it. Something had come up… She just was too big of a coward to say it to him over the phone, because she knew he'd worry too much…

"OK, Baby girl, whatever you want." Collins paused. "Mark and Mo miss you, you know."

"I know. I miss them, too, a lot. How did Mo react once you found out I was gone?"

"She completely freaked," Collins said.

"How bad was it?" Jaclyn asked nervously.

"The worst; she kicked Roger's ass, literally, hitting him and everything until we pulled her off. She was _pissed_."

"I can imagine," Jaclyn said. "But I'm not sure if I should feel bad or good about what she did to Roger."

"I understand, Baby girl," Collins said. She heard a noise on Collins' end. "Oh, it's Mark. Do you want to talk to him?"

"Sure, for a little bit, but then I have to go."

"OK, I'll get him. Hang on."

Collins got Mark and he picked up. "Hey, Jaclyn," he said, "how are you?"

"I'm OK," Jaclyn said. Then she cringed. She couldn't tell Collins; now she couldn't even tell Mark. What was wrong with her?

She talked with him for a little while, and eventually had to hang up. "I'll call again soon, OK? And I'll try to visit soon."

"OK," Mark said, "and call Maureen, will you? She hasn't slept a full night since you left. She's gonna have an aneurysm or something soon."

"I'll call her tomorrow," Jaclyn said. "See you around Christmas, OK?"

"OK," Mark said. "Bye, Jaclyn."

"Bye, Mark," Jaclyn said, and then she hung up.

* * *

Don't forget to review. Next chapter will be up as soon as possible. But I have semester finals this week and I'm starting to take my ACT on Thursday; plus, I'm also starting rehearsal for a musical I auditioned for, _L'il Abner_, so that will probably keep me pretty busy. And I have an honor choir this weekend that I'm not as prepared for as I should be… So I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as I can. It's already typed up part of the way. It was going to be in this chapter, but I decided to split them apart, since the entire thing was (so far) about nine pages and I'm not finished yet. I'll post it as soon as I can. Depending how things go, that may not be until next week. Please be patient with me in waiting for updates. I'm typing as fast as I possibly can, whenever I get spare minutes. Thanks.

Quick note to Renthead621, broadwaylover07, notEASYbeingGREEN, Viva La Vie Boheme 1991, and Murgy31: Where are you guys? I realize you've probably been really busy with your lives and all, but I miss all your reviews! I hope you'll show up sometime soon.

Until next time, lots of love,

Renthead07


	10. Chapter 10

Just a quick note before you begin this chapter: I haven't really ever liked the MoJo pairing that Jonathan Larson created. I mean, it's his, so yes, it's genius, but I haven't really liked it, ever since I first became a Renthead, to be honest. I play around with it (mainly because Joanne's so fun to annoy), but that's it. And I know, on my profile, I had said that it was practically illegal to change the sexuality of any Rent character, because what Jonathan Larson wrote is law... but lately, I've changed my mind on that, too. Maybe it's because I've seen so much MarkRoger slash around this site (not saying that's a bad thing, but they are both straight in the movie and play, after all, with April, Maureen to an extent, and Mimi.) I don't know why I've changed my views on that. But anyways, my point is, I've never liked the MoJo pairing that much (if you want a more in-depth explanation, PM me or something and I'll explain more), so in this chapter, I'm trying something new. Some of you might like it; some of you might not. Happy reading.

**Chapter 10**

* * *

_Two weeks later…_

Collins and Mark jumped as the loft door slammed against the wall. A completely hysterical Maureen came staggering into the room.

"Markyyy…" she slurred. "I need… to talk… to yooou…"

"Oh, my God, Maureen, sit down," Mark said, alarmed, and he forced her into a chair.

She looked terrible. She was obviously drunk, her hair was a mess, her make up was running, and she looked exhausted. She was crying, too.

"Maureen, calm down," Mark said. "Tell me what happened?"

"I'll tell you what happened," said an angry voice.

Joanne had entered the loft.

"Maureen went out last night without me and got so drunk, she cheated on me with both a man _and _a woman and can't remember their names. She was so wasted she can't remember doing it at all!" Joanne exclaimed.

"Joanne, calm down," Collins said, looking at Joanne. Then he looked at Maureen. "Maureen, is that what happened?"

"I— I can't remember!" Maureen cried. "How can _you_"— she pointed a shaking finger at Joanne— "accuse me of something I don't remember doing?" Before Joanne could open her mouth to retort, Maureen screamed, "Do you have it on tape or video or something?"

"No, I don't," Joanne said, "just eyewitness accounts and my own testimony. Then she got drunk this morning, before I woke up, so she really didn't remember. And why, you may ask; all because of Jaclyn."

"Jo, did she pass out at all last night?" Mark asked urgently.

"No," Joanne said.

"Did she have a hangover?"

"_No_," Joanne said irritably, "but I'm guessing she's gonna— one hell of one. And I'm not gonna deal with it anymore."

Maureen looked up, tears in her eyes and flowing down her cheeks. "What do you mean?" she asked. She leaned against Mark, shaking, and he put his arm around her.

"I mean, I'm sick of this, Maureen. I'm sorry. No, wait," Joanne paused and changed her mind, "then again, I'm not. I'm tired of having to always keep an eye on you. I want someone who will be completely faithful to me for the rest of my life; not some beautiful, cheating drama queen who promised that to me once and betrayed me not once, but twice." Tears welled up in her eyes. "We're over, done. You can pick up your things tomorrow."

And with that, Joanne turned around and stormed out the door. Mark didn't know what to do. Collins had barely been able to say a word in Maureen's defense, while Mark had comforted Maureen. Now Joanne was gone for good.

Collins put his arm around Maureen and both men held her as she cried bitterly. Eventually, she became very tired and they laid her on the bed in Benny's room to sleep off her major hangover.

Mark was wiping her forehead and neck with a lukewarm washcloth when Roger walked in, back from his gig. Mark put a finger to his lips and pointed to the bedroom. The door was open and Roger could see Maureen sleeping on the bed.

"What the hell happened to her?" he asked, concerned.

"We'll tell you later. She's completely trashed," Mark said.

"Why?"

"Because of…" Mark paused. He looked at Roger warily and decided it was time to tell him the truth. "She was upset because of Jaclyn."

"Why?" Roger asked.

"Because she left," Mark said, "and this has caused Maureen a lot of emotional problems. Jaclyn was her best friend, after all."

"Where did she go?"

"If we told you, would you even care?" Collins snapped.

Roger was looking angry again. "Try me," he said.

"Fine, I'll try you," Collins said. "She's in D.C.; has been for nearly two months."

"Oh, is that all?" Roger asked. "Why didn't she tell me?"

"Three reasons," Collins said. "One: you hurt her real bad that day she left. Two: she no longer trusts you and doesn't expect that to change, which I admit I find surprising. But I'm sure she's waiting for you to try to earn that trust back. Three: you would have said, 'Is that all?'"

Roger almost smiled. "Well, can I call her or is she coming to visit or what?" he asked.

"That's up to her," Collins said, feeling protective. "We'll ask her for you."

"OK," Roger said, shrugging. "So when is she coming to visit?"

"She's hoping to come home for Christmas," Collins said. "She says she hates D.C. She throws herself into her job so she doesn't have to think about leaving here."

Roger grimaced. "I need to apologize to her, Collins," he said. "If she hates it there, she should come home." He noticed the way they were looking at him and he frowned. "Look, I won't make her do anything she doesn't want to, OK? But we can at least be friends again, can't we?"

"You'll have to take that up with her," Collins said, raising his hands. "She can take care of herself."

"Fine," Roger said.

"Now, if you'll excuse us, Mo needs attention," Mark said. "Would you make yourself useful and help?"

"Of course," Roger said. "It's something good I can do around here, for once."

Collins and Mark smiled. Finally, it seemed, they were getting through to Roger.

* * *

"I can't do this, Marky," Maureen said, stopping and clinging to Mark nervously. They were standing on the front steps of Joanne's flat, about to retrieve her belongings, before she left Joanne for good.

"Maureen, don't say that," Mark said. "You can, you can." He pulled her close to him and was surprised and pleased when she didn't resist. "Look, I'm not gonna say I know how you feel, because I didn't understand your relationship, how close you were to her, beyond what I've seen." She looked up at him. "You know I don't mean anything by that, right?"

Maureen nodded.

"But if you need to talk at all, I'm here to listen. That's all I can offer."

Maureen nodded again. "I know," she said, and she sighed. She looked at the apartment. Though it was broad daylight, the front light was on. "Come on, let's just get this over with."

Mark nodded and knocked on the door. A minute later, Joanne answered. She didn't say anything except, "Good, you're here."

Maureen, Mark, and Collins walked past her, into the apartment. Maureen quickly gathered as many possessions into her arms as possible, and took it out to Collins' car. Collins' car wasn't new by any means, nor was it good-looking, but it got him from point A to point B and he had gotten it cheap not long before.

They had to make several trips, but eventually, they were done. Maureen seemed to be in shock, because even after Joanne slammed the door behind them and they walked to the car, she was silent. When she and Mark got to the car (Collins was inside the flat, speaking for a moment with Joanne), Maureen burst into tears just as Mark started the car.

"Maureen!" Mark said in alarm, and he shut off the car quickly. "What is it?"

"It's over, Marky," Maureen sobbed. "Me and Joanne, it's over. It's just a… a hard concept to grasp."

Mark nodded.

Then she looked up at him and said something he never thought she would say.

"Was it this hard when I left you?" she asked.

"Oh, Maureen," Mark groaned. He didn't think now was the time to ask this. But she insisted. "All right… well… no, it wasn't. I mean, I won't deny it was a shock, but… but I felt it was your decision, even if I was angry and hurt and upset. And I figured you left because I got caught up in my work. I was neglecting you."

He gently caressed her cheek with his thumb. "I never really got over you," he admitted. "I was always hoping you'd come back; just not under circumstances like this. I didn't want you to come back hurt, I wanted you to come back by your own decision." His voice dropped hesitantly.

"I wanna tell you something," Maureen said, looking up at him.

"What?" Mark asked.

"I never really got over you, either."

Mark smiled and Maureen leaned in. And for the first time in a long time, Mark's lips met Maureen's in a gentle kiss.

* * *

Hehe. I don't know if any of you wanted me to leave it there, but I've decided to end this chapter on a good note. Don't forget to review. I'll update the next chapter as soon as possible, but probably not until next week or later. Sorry, but life is gonna get really busy for me really soon. Please be patient for me as you wait for sporadic updates. I've got quite a bit written up, and it will be typed up and posted as soon as I can. Thanks.

Until next time, lots of love,

Renthead07


	11. Chapter 11

This chapter is dedicated to all my fellow Rentheads and Jonathan Larson. Though we Rentheads are suffering, we must stick together and ride this life obstacle out as one. Thank you, thank you so much, Jonathan Larson. May the angels lead you in. You said you were the future of musical theater... and you were right. It's a shame human greed is bringing your era, your legend to a close. Therefore, I present chapter 11, Coming Home.

**Chapter 11**

* * *

"Mark? Hello, Mark, what's with you?" Collins asked, waving his hand in front of Mark's face.

Mark, in a daze, blinked several times and resurfaced. "Huh? What?" He looked up. "Oh. Hi, Collins."

"You OK, man?" he asked. "You look like you got a lot on your mind."

"I… I do," Mark said sheepishly.

"About?" Collins asked.

"Maureen."

"Oh? What about her?" Collins asked.

"We, uh, we got together," Mark stammered.

Collins spit out what remained of the stoli he was drinking. "You— what?" he choked.

Mark thumped him on the back and he gasped for breath. "We got together," Mark said, his voice stronger this time. "Well, sort of. She kissed me in the car."

Collins let out a low whistle. "Wow," he said, "way to go, boy." He grinned. "So when's the wedding?"

Mark hit him on the shoulder. "Knock it off," he said defensively. "She needed help and I just happened to be there."

"I'm just playing with you, boy. Explain?" Collins asked, cocking an eyebrow in curiosity.

Mark rolled his eyes. He could already tell just how annoying Collins was going to be over the next several weeks. "All right, I'll explain," he surrendered. "We went to Jo's to get her stuff—"

"I know, man; I was there, remember?" Collins teased.

But Mark was not in the mood to be teased. "Will you shut up?" he said. "You were in the house getting the last of the stuff when this happened."

Collins nodded. "I was talking to Jo," he corrected, "but OK, I'll shut up. Go on."

"Well, we got in the car and we were waiting for you, and she burst into tears. She— she just broke down. It was kind of scary."

"I can imagine," Collins said understandingly.

"So I just… kinda took her into my arms and let her cry, and… Then you know what she asked me?"

"What?"

"She asked me if she hurt me or anything when she dumped me," Mark said flatly.

"Ooh," Collins said, pulling a pained expression. "What did you say?"

"I told her that, yeah, I was angry and hurt and upset, and that I threw myself into my work to keep my mind off it," Mark replied. Then suddenly, a loft look came over his face. "But I told her that I understand something now."

"What?"

"That I'd neglected her in working so much on my stuff," Mark said. "In trying to find my place in this world, I neglected her. I told her I was sorry."

Collins eyebrows shot up. "Wow," he said, "I'm very impressed, Mark."

Mark smiled and blushed. "So am I," he admitted. "Collins, she was scared, confused—"

"— because she was drunk, Mark," Collins interrupted him unexpectedly.

"— and I wasn't going to let her hurt herself or something," Mark finished firmly, glaring at him.

Collins smiled. "Good," he said. "I'm glad."

"Me too," Mark said, smiling and blushing again.

"Marky?" came a voice from behind them.

Mark whipped around, startled. "Maureen?" he asked, noticing she had awakened and was sitting up slowly. "Maureen," he said, and he rushed over to her, "are you OK?"

"Mm, I think I'll live," Maureen murmured.

"Can I get you anything," Mark asked, looking down at her with concern, "water or aspirin or anything?"

"Aspirin would be wonderful," Maureen said, nodding. A look of pain crossed her face. "Ow, bad idea… I've got a raging headache going on."

"I bet," Mark said, as he brought her two aspirin and a glass of water. "Promise me you'll never do something like that again, OK?"

"OK," Maureen said, "I won't, baby. Being with you can be my… my… what's the word?" She frowned as she searched for the right word. "Oh, I know. Sobriety; though I know it's gonna be hell."

"I'll be there for you every step of the way," Mark promised, smiling down at her and kissing the top of her forehead.

"Thanks, baby," Maureen said. Then she began to cry again.

"Maureen…" Mark groaned, and he put his arms around her again. "Easy, easy…"

"It's just hard, Mark," she cried. "I mean, I was with her for a long time and now… now all of that is gone. I just can't get used to it."

"Maureen, it hasn't even been 24 hours since she kicked you out, sweetie," Mark said, stroking her hair. "Of course you aren't going to be over it in that short of time." He looked her in the eye. "Stop worrying, OK? I'll take care of you."

"I know, baby," Maureen said, wrapping her arms around his. She smiled as he held her close.

* * *

A few weeks later, Jaclyn waited anxiously for Collins to pick up the phone at his flat. He sounded tired when he did. "Hello?"

"Hi, Collins," Jaclyn said.

"Hey, Baby girl," he said, sounding instantly more awake. "What's up?"

"I just wanted to call you and tell you I'm able to come home for Christmas," Jaclyn said.

"Really? That's great. I'm excited."

"Me too; it beats here anyway."

"You're flying in, right?"

"Yeah, I'm leaving on the twenty-second. That'll give me a day before Christmas to get settled in and everything."

"OK; and how long can you stay?"

"I can stay a week."

"Sounds great, Baby girl," Collins said. "I'll see you then, OK?"

"OK," Jaclyn said, smiling, "sounds great. Thanks, Collins. Tell Mark and Mo for me, will you please?"

"That shouldn't be too hard," Collins said, grinning.

"What do you mean?" Jaclyn asked suspiciously.

"You'll just have to wait and see," Collins teased her. "It's a good thing, I promise."

"Oh, my God, I think I know!" Jaclyn squealed excitedly. "Or, at least, I can guess! Why won't you tell me?"

"Why, can't you wait, like, four days?"

"Collins!" Jaclyn exclaimed, exasperated.

Collins laughed. "Calm down, Baby girl, it's OK," he said. "I'll see you when you get here, OK? Call me from the airport, I'll pick you up."

"Oh, all right, I can see I'm not going to win this," Jaclyn said grudgingly. "I'll call you when I get there."

"OK. Bye, Baby girl."

"Bye, Collins," Jaclyn said. Then she hung up, her excitement to return to the East Village in a few days mounting.

* * *

"Guess what, you guys!" Collins called, walking into the loft after Mark had thrown down the key and he'd let himself in. He found Mark and Maureen lying on the couch together and Roger sitting on the window seat.

"What?" they asked.

"Jaclyn's coming home for Christmas."

"Really?" Mark and Maureen asked eagerly. Collins noticed Roger even perked up a little.

"Yeah," he said. "She just called me. She's flying home."

"Good," Maureen said, collapsing back against Mark, who grunted. He put his arms around her flat stomach lovingly. "Maybe now I can relax."

"Or sleep through the night, maybe?" Mark teased. Maureen hit him on the leg. "Ouch, Maureen, I was just teasing. But you know it's true. Except for when she's called you, you haven't slept a full night since Jaclyn left."

"Yeah, well, I was stressed, OK?" Maureen said, and she sighed. "But she's coming back now."

"Mo, she'll only be here for, like, a week," Roger said. "Then it'll be back to the way things were."

"Who asked you?" Maureen snapped, instantly defensive. She scowled at him.

"But it's true; then she'll have to leave again, and you'll be the same way you were," Roger said.

"Roger Davis, if you say one more word, I swear, I'll beat you to a pulp," Maureen threatened him.

"Fine," Roger said, "but when she gets here, I have something for her."

"Oh, please," Maureen said, rolling her eyes. "Don't you dare try to regain something you never had."

"It's not like that, OK?" Roger snapped. "I just want to give her something I made."

"Oh, like what?" Maureen snapped, irritated. "Food? A song? God, I hope not, or she really won't ever come back."

"No, nothing like that," Roger said, swallowing the angry lump in his throat. "You'll see."

"Famous last words," Collins teased.

* * *

OK, so I decided to end this chapter here. It isn't exactly Jaclyn coming home yet, but I think I'm going to make that into two parts. I apologize for not getting it up before my busy honor festival weekend. But today I didn't have school, so I spent a lot of time writing it, wanting to update. The entire thing I've written today (and before this weekend) is actually nearly 20 pages long; not kidding. It was a hard decision, figuring out where to end this chapter. I wanted to end it on a high note, instead of a low one. Maybe that's because I'm in a low mood. I dunno.

Many of you may already know that Rent is ending on June 1, 2008. Honestly, when I read Renthead621's author note at the beginning of one of her updated chapters last night (at 1:30 A.M. Eastern Standard Time), I thought it was a joke. But I knew she wouldn't lie to anyone about something like this, especially fellow Rentheads. How I made it through my entire weekend of honor choir stuff without knowing, I don't know; but it was probably a good thing I didn't know. If I had, I wouldn't have been able to concentrate one bit and it wouldn't have turned out nearly as well as it did. I've started realizing it's true because of all the things on the Internet I've seen about it, especially at the video blog by Jeffrey Seller, telling of its closing. I think that's what made me realize the most that it was all real.

To me, this makes me feel almost like an 'unofficial' Renthead, since I will never be able to see it onstage at the Nederlander Theatre. I'm begging and begging and begging desperately to my parents (mainly my dad) to get me plane and Rent tickets for graduation (I graduate six days before the show ends forever.) I don't know if it'll happen, but until it does or doesn't, I'm gonna be hoping and hoping and hoping.

I'm sure, in the next few weeks, I'll throw myself into my life (and whatever I'm doing) to take my mind off of it. But every time I listen to the OMPS or the OBCR, my mind goes back to it. Being on this site, seeing as the only things I read these days are Rent fan fics, takes me back to it. But what to do? Eventually, this all will pass and we will all go on living our lives. It's like when there's a death in the family; eventually, the grieving lessens, and though you go your whole life missing them, it becomes easier to live without them, because you have to.

OK, so I didn't mean to preach, but my author note just ended up that way. Jeez, this could be an entire new chapter in itself. Sorry. When I'm in a mourning mood, I rant constantly. I hope you understand. Please don't forget to review. Especially at this particular time in my life (with school and my job and everything on top of Rent closing), I desperately need reviews, preferably good. Be nice. Thanks. I hope you enjoyed the chapter.

Until next time, lots of love,

Renthead07


	12. Chapter 12

Just in case you readers get confused, in this chapter, the flashback is from _Something of Ours_, chapter 2, _Three Little Words_. If you need a reference, you can go back and look. Oh, and I don't own the Taylor Swift song. But the reference has a double meaning; one for Jaclyn and the other for Roger (I'm sure you'll figure it out.) Here is the next chapter. It's probably the longest chapter I've ever written in my six years of writing fan fiction. Enjoy.

**Chapter 12**

* * *

Jaclyn looked around for Collins at LaGuardia Airport, as she came off the plane. When she spotted him, she grinned. She felt somewhat foolish running up to him in the terminal, like a cliché in those old movies she enjoyed watching. But when he wrapped his arms around her, she forgot all about that.

"Hey, Baby girl," he greeted her, hugging her close. "Are you doing OK?"

"Yeah, I'm all right," Jaclyn said. "I'm glad to be back."

"I'm glad you're home, Baby girl," he said.

"Thanks, Collins," she said, smiling at him.

As they drove back to the loft, Jaclyn looked curiously at Collins; he was smiling more than usual. "OK, what are you hiding?" she asked eagerly.

Collins silently shook his head, keeping his eyes on the road.

"Oh, come on… please?" Jaclyn insisted, giving him puppy eyes.

Collins laughed. "Sometimes you remind me a lot of Andy," he said.

Jaclyn was surprised at the sudden mention of her sister. But it didn't hurt her to talk about Andy anymore, especially not to Collins. "What do you mean?" she asked curiously. "I thought you didn't know her that well?"

"I knew her a little," Collins said. "After she died, I watched films of her and Roger that Mark had made. Since he didn't have his own projector at the time, he had to get them professionally developed. That, and the camera, took a ton of his money at the time and he was only a junior in high school." Collins looked at her as they parked in front of the loft and he squeezed her hand. "The films have disappeared since then. I don't know what Mark did with them. I've been hesitant to ask around Roger."

"That was probably a wise decision," Jaclyn said. "We'll ask him later, OK?"

"OK, sounds good," Collins said, and he squeezed her hand again. He looked down at her and saw she'd dyed her hair brown and her eyes were a different color; he guessed colored contacts were making them grey. "Baby girl, what did you do to your hair?" he asked.

"Oh…" Jaclyn began. "I, uh, dyed it."

"I can see that; and what about your eyes?"

"What about them?" Jaclyn attempted to pull an innocent face.

"They're, uh… different."

"Oh… yeah, they are, aren't they?" Jaclyn asked, trying to look innocent. "I dyed my hair and I'm wearing colored contacts."

"Yeah, but why?" Collins asked.

"Because… well, because of… Roger," Jaclyn admitted sheepishly. "I'm… I'm afraid he won't look me in the eye after what I did before I left."

"Baby girl, we never even told him what you did," Collins said. "What's most important is you didn't do it. We got there in time."

"And thank God," Jaclyn said. "But seriously, what if he won't even look at me?"

"Why wouldn't he look at you?" Collins asked. He caressed her cheek gently. "You're beautiful, Baby girl. He's been a fool to refuse you."

Jaclyn smiled. "Hey, did I just gain the affections of a gay man?" she teased.

"Yep, you did," Collins said, laughing. "Come on, let's do this thingy."

"OK," Jaclyn said, and they got out of the car.

From inside the loft, Maureen was watching Jaclyn and Collins from the window seat. When they got out of the car, she called excitedly, "She's here!"

Before Mark could respond, she ran across the room in two strides, and ran down the stairs and outside. Mark glanced at Roger and chased after her.

"Jackie!" Maureen squealed, running out to greet her. Suddenly, she hit a patch of ice and went crashing to the ground. Jaclyn, Collins, and Mark all laughed and helped her up, their faces alarmed, afraid she'd hurt herself.

"Oh, my God, Mo, are you OK?" Jaclyn asked, running up to her.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Maureen said, shaking her head and clinging to Mark for support.

"Are you drunk, Mo?" Jaclyn asked, smiling and trying not to laugh.

"No, I'm not, not at all," Maureen said, shaking her head. "I'm just happy you're here."

Mark and Collins noticed Jaclyn was thinner, paler, and more tired than the last time they had seen her. Collins met Mark's gaze and they both sensed something was wrong and resolved to ask her about it later.

"Did you have an OK trip?" Mark asked.

"Yeah, it was fine," Jaclyn said.

"Come on, let's get inside, out of the cold," Maureen said.

"Oh, my God, some sense!" Jaclyn teased, hugging Maureen as they went inside and climbed the stairs to the loft. Maureen laughed.

They reached the top of the stairs and Mark slid open the door. In the second before Collins, Maureen, and Jaclyn came behind him, he saw Roger get up from the window seat, where he'd been watching them, and walk slowly over to them. Then Maureen and Jaclyn entered in front of Collins, and Mark waited tensely as Roger and Jaclyn saw each other for the first time in over six months.

Jaclyn paused, staring at Roger with a kind of quiet intensity. The others watched them anxiously. Roger opened and closed his mouth several times, as though he was completely unsure as to what to say. Then—

"Hi," Jaclyn said, breaking the ice.

The tension in the room could almost literally be felt breaking. Mark, Collins, and Maureen sighed inaudibly with relief.

"Hi," Roger said, "how- how have you been?"

Mark, Collins, and Maureen waited for the fireworks, but they didn't come.

"Fine, I guess," Jaclyn said. "D.C. has kept me busy. It's good to be home, at least for a little while."

"It's good to see you," Roger said.

"Likewise," Jaclyn said. Then she cringed inwardly. Likewise? What, was she talking to a stranger? No, she knew Roger better than that… or so she'd thought.

"Is D.C. treating you all right?" Roger asked.

"I…" Jaclyn began. But then she paused. In front of Mark, Collins, and Maureen, who were anxious to hear all her stories about D.C., she couldn't lie to Roger. "It's a long story," she said heavily.

"Well, we have a lot of time, if you want to tell it," Roger said. He beckoned her and the others to the living room and they all sat down in chairs.

"So you've changed your mind, then?" Jaclyn asked him, when she sat down, "about…?"

"Oh, that," Roger said, sounding more heartless than he'd intended. "I, uh, wasn't talking about that…"

"I still want an answer," Jaclyn said firmly.

"Do you?" Roger asked, frowning.

Jaclyn nodded stubbornly.

"Fine, then. The answer hasn't changed. Now, can we please get back to your story?"

Jaclyn frowned. She opened her mouth, about to speak, but then suddenly, she paled dangerously and fainted.

"Jaclyn!" they exclaimed, and they caught her before she hit the floor.

"Oh, my God!" Maureen exclaimed.

"Collins, call 911!" Mark demanded.

He and Maureen held Jaclyn firmly until the ambulance came.

"Are you family?" the EMT asked.

"Yes," Collins said, before either Mark or Maureen could say anything. When they looked at him, confused, he muttered, "Good as any."

"We can only take one of you," the EMT said.

"Damn!" Collins exclaimed.

"You go, Collins," Mark said. "You'll be able to calm her down and… and all that."

"Right, thanks, Mark," Collins said. "See you in a bit, then."

Mark, Maureen, and Roger nodded, rushed to Collins car, and went to the hospital.

* * *

Roger sat next to Jaclyn's bed in a chair, holding her hand and caressing it with his thumb. They had been sitting in the room for about half an hour now. The doctor had been in shortly before and had reported that Jaclyn would be all right, but they didn't know when she would regain consciousness.

"Do you think she's all right? I mean, really all right?" Roger asked.

"Well, the doctor said she's stable; they just don't know when she'll regain consciousness," Collins said. "All we can do now is wait it out." He won't over to Maureen, who was huddled by herself against the wall and he hugged her comfortingly. Mark had tried to do the same thing earlier, in order to boost Maureen's confidence in him, but out of stress, she had refused. She, however, allowed Collins to do so. "Hey, easy, easy, it's OK," he soothed.

"Why do you suppose she fainted? Exhaustion? Overexertion?" Mark asked Collins, glancing at Roger.

Roger caught him looking. "Hey, don't look at me," he said, immediately defensive. "I practically welcomed her back like an old friend."

"Sure you did," Maureen muttered from within Collins' arms. She hadn't stopped glaring at Roger since they had arrived.

""Hey, you shut up!" Roger yelled at her.

"Hey, Rog, calm down, man," Collins said firmly, rising immediately. This was a smart move on Collins' part. With Roger sitting in a chair, Collins towered over him. "Look, if she comes to because of us being like this, she'll only be upset and things will go wrong. The nurses will be in here and will kick us out. That's the last thing we want. Can't you two get along for just a little while?" he asked.

"Fine," Maureen said, shrinking against the wall again. But only Roger heard her mutter under her breath, "Gonna kick your ass later, if you don't shut up."

Roger, getting angry again, rose quickly and walked out of the room.

"Where are you going?" Mark demanded.

"Just going to get some coffee," Roger snapped. "I'll be back later."

"OK," Mark said. He knew Roger would be back once his mind had cleared. This had happened too often to count.

* * *

Jaclyn opened her eyes to all white, so bright it blinded her for a second. For a moment, as her eyes adjusted, she thought perhaps she'd died. But lying on her back, she could feel her head resting on something soft— pillows, she realized— and could feel the soft beating of her pulse, so she knew that was not true.

Once her eyes adjusted, she saw Collins sitting next to her bed in a chair, and he was holding her hand. Mark stood against one of the walls and Maureen sat curled up cat-like in a chair. She noticed a movement at the door and saw Roger enter the room.

"Collins?" she squeaked.

"Hey, Baby girl, how are you feeling?" he asked, smiling at her and breathing a sigh of relief.

"I'm tired," Jaclyn said.

"That's understandable," Collins said. "What happened, though, Baby girl? Why'd you faint?"

Jaclyn was silent for a moment, perhaps for too long, for Roger said irritably, "Well, are you gonna tell us or what?"

"Roger!" Collins, Mark, and Maureen yelled at him.

Jaclyn glared at him, her cheeks reddening. Then she dropped the bombshell.

"It's called cancer," she snapped. She emphasized the syllables with two of her fingers. "_Can… cer_." She glared at Roger. "I wouldn't expect you to understand." She looked at Collins with tears in her eyes. "I'm so sorry. I tried to tell you… over the phone… and before this…"

"Oh, Baby girl," Collins said quietly, and he hugged her gently, "it's OK. I could tell something was wrong, but I didn't want to ask, in case you were uncomfortable about it. This was your 'story'?"

"Yes. Collins, I'm sorry," she cried. "I shouldn't have kept it from you… from any of you."

"Baby girl, it's OK," he said. "Are you doing anything about it? Treatment or anything?"

"I'm going to have surgery after New Year's," Jaclyn said. "It's breast cancer."

Roger was listening and he looked up, shocked at what she had said. The memory flashed through his mind.

_When Roger woke up, he realized it was way too dark to be evening. He looked down at his watch and received a shock: 2:30 A.M._

_2:30 in the morning?! __Roger's brain screamed at him. __Oh, shit, what is Andy's dad gonna do to her for my mistake?_

_Roger rolled over and shook her lightly. "Baby, wake up," he said._

_She groaned and stirred. "Roger," she whispered, "what time is it?"_

"_2:30 in the morning," he said._

_Andy sat bolt upright. "__What? __It is?" she asked. "Oh man, my dad's gonna kill me!"_

"_He'd better not, or I'll be a murderer, too," Roger said. "Baby, you don't have to keep going home to that bastard, you know. Come to my place. It isn't much, and my dad's a prick, but my mom is great. You'll like her."_

"_What about your dad?"_

"_I can handle him. Don't worry, baby, he won't lay a finger on you. He'd have to get through me first."_

"_I take it that's pretty difficult?" Andy asked, as they stood up and she clung to his arm._

"_Most of the time," Roger said, "unless he's really drunk; then he's big, bold, and loud. But never mind that, baby, what about your mom?" he asked. "What's she like?"_

_Suddenly, Andy's face fell. Roger looked at her. "She died, Roger, when I was ten," Andy said, looking up at him._

_Roger was horrified. "Oh my God," he said, hugging her close. "Baby, I'm so sorry. I had no idea."_

"_I know," Andy said. "It's OK. Only my closest friends at school, my dad, and now you, know. It's just me and my dad. She died of breast cancer."_

"_I'm sorry, baby. What can I do to help?"_

"_You don't have to do anything," she said. "I'm OK, really. It was a valiant struggle for her that she finally lost. She never gave up until the end, either. It destroyed my dad to see her so frail and weak, when she was always so strong for him. He never used to drink until she died. Then he consumed himself in it because he felt guilty. The alcohol made him violent, and… well, you know the rest."_

"_Baby, I don't know what to say…" Roger stammered._

"_Just hold me, Roger," she said, snuggling herself close to him, as they walked to his car. "I feel secure, like nothing's wrong, when you hold me."_

"_So do I, baby," Roger said, as he kissed her. "Come on, we'll go to my place."_

"_What about your dad?" Andy asked again._

"_Let me worry about him, baby," Roger said. "You just be you." He smiled down at her._

"_OK," Andy said, leaning up to kiss him._

"Jackie," he said, "did you… did you say it's breast cancer?"

"Yes," Jaclyn said, blushing, "why?"

"Because… because Andy told me about your mom… and how she died," Roger said. "It was when we'd first started dating, and I had wanted to meet her parents, and she had wanted to meet mine."

Jaclyn smiled. "I remember," she said. "She called me that night. She was so excited. You made her so happy, Roger. I hope you know that."

Roger smiled for the first time in weeks. "I know," he said, nodding.

"And yeah, I knew there was a possibility about getting it because of Mom," Jaclyn said. "That's as close a relationship as possible for a hereditary disease like this. But I took care of myself— I ate right, I exercise like mad— I don't understand why it happened."

"Baby girl," Collins said, taking her hand, "you said you're going to have surgery, right?" Jaclyn nodded. "Well, that's the most aggressive treatment; it should make a huge difference."

"Yeah, but I won't be… normal," Jaclyn said, looking up at him.

"Baby girl, no matter what your shape or form, as long as you're healthy and happy, that's normal enough for us," Collins said. Jaclyn smiled appreciatively.

"When do you get released, tomorrow?" Mark asked.

"Yeah, they aren't going to make me spend Christmas here," Jaclyn said, "since I'm stable and everything. I just had a weak moment."

Collins and Mark nodded. "We're glad you're OK," Mark said, squeezing her hand.

"Me too," Jaclyn said, smiling at him.

* * *

"Well, good haul this year," Mark said, looking around at the presents he had received from everyone that Christmas morning.

"And now that that is all done," Roger said, "I have a present for you, Jackie."

Jaclyn looked up at him suspiciously. "You do?" she asked.

"Yeah," Roger said, and he got up from his chair. "Hang on, I'll go get it."

"OK," Jaclyn said, glancing at Mark. He shrugged. He knew nothing more about it than she did.

Roger came back a minute later with something large and square, wrapped in Christmas paper. He brought it over and she began to open it, looking at him.

"Don't open it too quickly," Roger said. "It's kinda fragile."

Jaclyn nodded and proceeded to finish opening the present carefully. She gasped as the remaining paper fell away.

It was a collage of pictures of her, Andy, and Roger; not just from the past eight years, but from years before. It was done by hand and beautiful.

"Wow, Roger," Jaclyn said. "This is amazing. You made this?"

"Yeah," Roger said modestly, blushing. He handed her the red book of pictures they had looked at before their first kiss… before everything.

"Where did you get this?" Jaclyn asked, looking up at him.

"I don't know if you realized it, but you forgot it that… that day you left," Roger said. "Mark and Collins found it on the couch after you left. I would have sent it back to you, but I had no word from you at all, so I couldn't. I just kept it safe until you came back."

"Well, thank you for returning it to me," Jaclyn said. "And thank you very much for the collage. I love it."

Roger smiled for the first time in days. "I'm glad you like it," he said.

"I have something for both you and Roger," Mark said. "Hang on, I'll get it. Collins, turn on my projector for me, will you?"

Jaclyn glanced nervously at Maureen. She smiled and squeezed Jaclyn's hand encouragingly. "Trust him on this," she whispered.

"I'm trying," Jaclyn whispered back.

"Sure, man," Collins said, and he wheeled it to the center of the room and did so. A minute later, Mark came back with a film in his hands.

"This is a project to both Jackie and Roger," he said again. "Since it is a combination film, I got it professionally developed. I think you two will like it."

Jaclyn smiled. Of all the people in the world, she trusted Collins, Mark, and Maureen the most. She was excited to see what Mark had on the film.

Mark put in the film and started it. Words appeared on the screen.

_Teardrops on My Guitar: A Mark Cohen film_

Then the images began. Roger and Jaclyn both watched in awe as pictures of the two of them and Andy appeared on the screen.

_Andy and Jaclyn played with their mother as children. Their mother was beautiful, with long red hair and beautiful blue eyes. It was obvious from whom Andy and Jaclyn had gotten their beauty._

"Aw, look at you, Jackie; you were so cute," Collins said quietly to Jaclyn. "You and Andy were both adorable." Jaclyn chuckled.

"Mark, how did you get those?" she asked.

"Andy showed us these film strips years ago," he said. "I asked her if I could get copies made and she said yes, so I did."

"That's awesome, Mark," Jaclyn said. "I'm glad she let you do that."

Mark smiled.

_Roger played his guitar happily at the club with his high school band, the Well Hungarians, and Andy stood in the crowd, watching him perform. He was obviously on top of the world with his girl watching him live his dream._

Roger, seeing this, glanced at Mark. He hadn't known Mark had filmed that. "I should have known," he whispered.

"Roger, be quiet," Maureen shushed him, whacking him on the top of the head. There was no sound to the movie, but they all wanted to enjoy it regardless.

_Roger had bruises on his face and his lip was bleeding, but he was standing next to Andy, smiling victoriously. It was right after he had gotten into the fight with Jordan Maguire, the night he had (quite literally) won her heart._

Roger smiled, remembering.

_Jaclyn sat at the notorious Life Café table with the Bohemians the night she had met all of them and began a lifelong friendship._

Jaclyn looked over at Collins and smiled at him. "Thank you for always being there for me," she whispered.

"Of course, Baby girl," Collins whispered back, and he kissed the top of her head.

Eventually, the film ended and the screen went dark. Jaclyn had tears in her eyes.

"Wow, Mark," she said. "That was amazing. When did you do that?"

"I've been working on it for over eight years," Mark replied. And that was all that needed to be said.

"This has been one of the best Christmases I've had in years," Jaclyn said. "Thank you, guys. Thank you."

* * *

I want to thank Rosablasifann08 for helping me out with the forbidden film part. I know you've been dying to see what was on it, girl. And now you know. :) I was trying to put it into earlier chapters, but it wasn't working out; I just had to wait for another time. It's weird how, sometimes, chapters seem to write themselves, eh? This chapter is actually about 13 pages long. I hope you enjoyed it.

As always, don't forget to review. Next chapter will be posted up as soon as possible. I have no idea when, though, but I'll try to get it up soon. And I also said that this story was going to end three chapters ago, LOL… yet, here we are. :) I have no idea when the story will end. I had an ending in mind, but that's changed now. Once I figure out what kind of new ending I want, this story will finish and I think I will go on a long-awaited writing hiatus for a while. I feel I need it, but I will return someday, never fear. :)

Until next time, lots of love,

Renthead07


	13. Chapter 13

Hey everybody, I apologize for the lack of an update. But lately, I've been juggling about seven different balls of life (OK, maybe it's just me, but does that sound odd to you? LOL) and haven't had a chance to type up what I've got written. I'm working on the story as fast as I possibly can, though, I promise. And now I'm updating! Yay! Listening to Adam Pascal's music has helped give me inspiration a lot lately and get me through a hard time (I'm going through a sort-of breakup. If you want to know more, just message me and I'll explain.) I don't own his CDs yet, but I plan on buying them as soon as my next credit card bill comes and I pay it off. :) So my sort-of breakup and many other things have been on my mind lately. I hope you like this chapter. I'm renting the title from Adam Pascal's song, even though it only has a very small relation to the chapter itself. Enjoy. :)

**Chapter 13**

* * *

Jaclyn held Collins' hand nervously, as she was being wheeled from her hospital room to the operating room. "Collins," she said, her voice shaking, "I'm scared."

"I know, Baby girl," Collins said, looking down at her and squeezing her hand gently. "But you're in the hands of some of the best medical staff in the country. It'll be fine."

"I'm afraid something will go wrong and I won't wake up to tomorrow," Jaclyn said. Tears formed in her eyes and Collins gently wiped them away with her thumb.

"Baby girl, if there's anything I know about you it's that you're a fighter. Look at what you've overcome: your mom's death; your dad and all that he brought upon you; Andy's death; Roger"— Jaclyn smiled and rolled her eyes— "and now this. This is just another obstacle in your life. You'll overcome it, just like the rest." He smiled at her. "When they go to put you under, just think 'I can do anything', because you know you can."

Jaclyn nodded. "You're right," she said. Then she looked up. "Collins?"

"Yeah, Baby girl?"

"Will you be there when I wake up?"

"Of course I will. Maureen and Mark and the others will be out in the waiting room, waiting to see you once they move you to a room."

Jaclyn was satisfied. "OK. I love you, Collins."

"I love you, too, Baby girl."

Collins had to leave then, because they had arrived at the operating room. Collins squeezed Jaclyn's hand one last time and smiled at her before they wheeled her in and he disappeared from sight.

As the anesthesiologist placed the mask over her face and she began to fall asleep, Jaclyn did what Collins told her to do.

_I can do anything. I can do anything…_

* * *

Jaclyn didn't know where she was when she awoke to a hand shaking her shoulder gently. She stirred slightly, but felt a flash of pain, so she lay still again. The anesthesiologist, satisfied that she was awake, walked away and she was wheeled away.

"Collins…?" she slurred groggily.

"I'm right here, Baby girl."

And though she was too tired still to open her eyes and look at him, she felt his hand holding hers and knew he was there, as he had promised.

When they got to her room, she said hoarsely, "Collins, please stay with me…"

"I will, Baby girl. You sleep. I'm right here," she heard Collins say. Then she let the exhaustion take hold of her and she drifted into the awaiting darkness.

* * *

Jaclyn came to a few hours later to hearing voices talking quietly around her. She couldn't quite make out what they were saying, but when she opened her eyes, she saw Collins, Mark, Maureen, and Roger standing around her bed.

"Hi, guys," she whispered. Her voice wasn't working right; why, she wasn't sure. She guessed it was a side effect of the anesthesia and would wear off soon enough.

"Hey," they said together, and they all breathed sighs of relief.

"How are you feeling, Baby girl?" Collins asked.

"I'm tired and I can't talk very well," Jaclyn said.

"Yeah, that's a typical side effect of anesthesia," Collins said. "Most likely, your voice will come back quicker than your energy. Do you want to hear the news of the surgery?"

Jaclyn's eyes widened and she tried to sit up quickly in her eagerness. "Yes," she said breathlessly. Then she winced and collapsed back onto her pillows. "Ouch. Bad idea…"

"Don't try to sit up too quickly, Baby girl," Collins said, firmly but gently. "You'll only hurt yourself."

"Yeah, I kinda figured that out the hard way," Jaclyn muttered, frowning with annoyance.

Collins chuckled. "You'll be out of here soon enough," he said.

Jaclyn sighed. "I hope so," she said. "Anyway, you were saying?"

Collins smiled. "They said they got it all," he said, "and that there will be no need for chemotherapy or radiation. But you will have pills and stuff to take for the next five years."

Jaclyn rolled her eyes. "Spectacular," she muttered.

Collins laughed. "Hey now, none of your infamous pessimism; at least you're gonna be OK," he said sternly.

Jaclyn nodded. "You're right," she said. She sighed and lay back against her pillows. "Man, I can't wait to get outta here."

"You will soon enough, sweetie," Maureen said gently, taking Jaclyn's hand.

Jaclyn nodded. "I know," she said. She smiled at them. "Thank you guys so much for being there for me… not only through this, but with… everything. I know you had plenty of reasons to walk away from me from the beginning."

"Baby girl, we would never do that," Collins said.

"And for that, I'm very grateful," Jaclyn said honestly. Tears welled up in her eyes and spilled over. Maureen and Collins gently wiped them away with the pads of their thumbs and hugged her.

Roger slowly came over to her and for once, he was looking her directly in the eye. Jaclyn looked up at him. "Are you OK, Roger?" she asked.

Roger didn't shake or nod his head. Instead, he looked down at her and stammered, "I… I'm sorry… for everything I've done to you..."

Then, without looking at them or saying another word, he tore from the room.

Jaclyn looked up at Collins, confused. "What was _that_ all about?" she asked nervously.

"Well…" Collins began slowly, and he sounded like he questioned his own thoughts, "I think Roger's finally come to."

"What do you mean?" Jaclyn asked.

"Well… maybe after almost losing you to this, even though he didn't, he's realized something… whether it's just that he should start treating you nicer… or maybe it's something more."

Jaclyn smiled. "Maybe," she said, hoping this was possibly true.

"He'll be back," Collins promised her.

"I know," Jaclyn said, and she sighed. Collins, Maureen, and Mark wrapped their arms around her and she was embraced by her true family.

* * *

"Hey, Mo," Jaclyn asked, going over to her a few weeks after her return to the loft from the hospital. She'd put off her return to D.C. even longer, in order to recover from her surgery. But she knew she had to go back eventually or make another decision, as to where she wanted to live permanently. She was still torn between the East Village and Washington, D.C. "Can you help me with something?"

"Sure, sweetie, what is it?" Maureen asked.

Jaclyn looked at her best friend, thinking for a moment before she spoke. "I want to write a living will."

Maureen paled and her eyes widened. "W-what?" she stammered. "Why do you want to do that? Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong," Jaclyn assured her. "But if I relapsed, even if it's ten years from now, I would want everything, like assets and my money, to be in order. Relapsed patients usually die— I'm just taking a precaution, in case that happens to me."

"Well, that's rather pessimistic of you," Maureen snapped suddenly.

Jaclyn looked at her, surprised, and Maureen's face fell. "I… I'm sorry, Jackie," she said quietly. "It's just… this makes it feel like I'm losing you all over again… I'm not strong enough… I know I may seem like it, but really, I'm not… I've lost so many people already… If I lose you…" Tears formed in her eyes and spilled over.

"But this is for the best, Mo," Jaclyn said. She wrapped her arms around Maureen comfortingly and they sat down on the couch together. Maureen leaned against her. "And you're not losing me, sweetie. The surgery made sure you won't, since they said they got it all."

Maureen nodded, but tears flowed down her cheeks nevertheless. "How can you be so calm about all this?" she asked, looking at Jaclyn.

"I don't know," Jaclyn admitted. "I guess I just think about Mom and Andy a lot and that helps me; knowing that it's most likely I'll live, even if they didn't."

Maureen nodded again.

"So back to the will," Jaclyn said. "If you go with me for support and whatnot— and you do want to, right?" Maureen nodded. "OK. But you'll have to spend a few hours with Joanne, since she's one of the only lawyers I know in this city. Silly, I know… but can you handle that?"

Maureen nodded. "Yeah, I think so," she said.

Jaclyn noticed Maureen's uncomfortable look, but felt convinced enough. "OK. But if you aren't, I'm sure Mark or Collins will step in and go."

Maureen shook her head. "No, no, I'm sure it'll be fine," she said. "I just wish you didn't have to do this."

Jaclyn sighed. "Me too, Mo," she said quietly. She leaned back and they lay on the couch together, Maureen's head resting lightly on Jaclyn's flat stomach. Jaclyn played gently with Maureen's silky hair and soon, exhausted, both had fallen asleep.

* * *

So there you have it: unlucky chapter 13. I did want it to be longer, but I'm struggling, as to what to write next. To me, chapter 13 is always unlucky; I'm almost always left in a block during and after writing it… and that's not superstitious, it's practically fact. But I really wanted to show more of the closeness between Jaclyn and Collins, and Jaclyn and Maureen. I hope you liked it.

Yes, Jaclyn is going to write a living will; but as she says, only as a precaution. After that, though, besides her deciding between East Village and D.C. (and she will have to decide), I'm not sure where I want to take it. Any ideas sent to me will be seriously considered and possibly used, with giving the credit to the original author.

And my beta is out of town for the weekend (if I remember right), so I'll just have to talk to her next week about more ideas; and I don't expect or need a review until she returns home (it's OK, chica; really, I don't mind at all.) Good luck with your theatre auditions. :)

As always, don't forget to review. I love, love, love feedback. :) Your guys' opinions and views really matter to me. I hope you know that.

Until next time, lots of love,

Renthead07


	14. Chapter 14

I don't own the Adam Pascal song, but I think it fits the chapter. Rosablasifann08, the secretary's name is for you! That's all I'm going to say. Read on to find out more. :)

**Chapter 14**

* * *

"Aw, look at that, how sweet," said a calm, deep voice quietly.

Jaclyn opened her eyes a crack and saw it was Collins speaking. She and Maureen were still on the couch, Maureen breathing deeply in sleep.

"Yeah, I'm sure they're both exhausted," said another male voice quietly.

Jaclyn didn't have to open her eyes this time to know it was Roger speaking. Still, his words surprised her, especially after what he had said to her that day in the hospital. But she didn't reveal she was awake yet, in case she heard something important.

"Hey, look at this," Roger said, and Jaclyn heard him picking something up. A paper rustled and she heard him read, "'Dear Ms. Jefferson'— wait, Joanne?" He paused. "What does she want with Jo?"

"Who knows?" Mark said, and he shushed Roger quickly and gestured for him to continue. "Keep reading."

"OK. 'I wish to make a living will, due to recent health complications. If anything were to happen to me in the near or far future, I want everything, my assets, money, etc., to be in order. And it's only right that any possessions of mine, in absence of blood kin, go to my best friends, Tom Collins, Maureen Johnson, Mark Cohen, and Roger Davis.' Wait, what?" Roger paused again, shocked. "She wants to write a living will? Why, is something wrong again? I thought the surgery worked and she was out of those woods?"

"Yeah," Mark agreed nervously, a little too loudly.

"Guys, guys, calm down," Collins said quickly. "Look, let's just wait till they wake up and we'll ask then, OK? I bet it's just a precaution. And you know, I think it's a very good idea and very smart on her behalf. She would have told us if something was wrong."

"Oh yeah," Roger said testily, "kinda like when she didn't tell us about her cancer until she ended up in the hospital, huh?"

"Roger!" Collins and Mark exclaimed at him.

"Well, it's true," Roger said, folding his arms defensively across his chest. Collins and Mark were silent, angry at him. "Fine. Do what you want." He swiped his hands angrily to the side. "I don't care."

Jaclyn heard Roger walk over to the window seat, and a moment later, pluck out _Your Eyes _defiantly on his guitar, singing the words softly. She stirred and opened her eyes. "Collins?" she murmured.

"Hey, Baby girl, how you doing?" Collins whispered.

"I'm tired and kinda… squished," Jaclyn said. She smiled weakly.

"I can see that," Collins said, smiling back at her. "Do you want me to wake her up and get her to move?"

Jaclyn shrugged. "Don't you think that might be a _tad _bit dangerous?" she asked, somewhat sarcastically.

Collins shrugged neutrally. "Not with me, I don't think," he said.

"But my legs are asleep."

"Well, in that case…" Collins moved forward to wake up Maureen. "Mo, sweetie, wake up." He shook her gently.

"Mm, no…" Maureen murmured, and she began to roll over onto her right side, jabbing Jaclyn in the stomach in the process. Partially-numb pain shot through Jaclyn's "asleep" legs.

"Ah, Mo!" she squealed, and she pushed Maureen off her. Maureen went crashing to the floor.

"Ahhh!" she screeched, and then she hit the floor. She looked up and scowled at Jaclyn, rubbing her back. "What was that for?"

"I'm sorry, Mo," Jaclyn said, trying not to laugh, "but I needed to get up. My legs are asleep. Are you OK?"

"Mm, yeah, good enough," Maureen muttered, shaking her head. "What's up?"

"We, uh… we found this," Mark said uncomfortably, and he handed her the document. "You don't have to tell us everything, but are things OK?"

"Oh, that," Jaclyn said off-handedly, blushing. "It's nothing, just a precaution. I'm fine, honest."

"What are the chances that it'll come back?" Mark asked.

"The doctors couldn't tell me," Jaclyn said, "so it's just a good idea, I think."

After a moment of silence from the others, Collins spoke up. "I agree," he said.

Jaclyn smiled appreciatively at him.

"Well, if it's what you want," Mark said, taking a sleepy Maureen into his arms, holding her close, and kissing her cheek, "then we're with you to the end."

"Thanks, you guys," Jaclyn said, smiling at them. And she meant it.

* * *

"Maureen, I honestly think it's a good idea if you sit this one out," Jaclyn said, on the verge of annoyance, looking at Maureen as she put on her jacket.

"But why," Maureen protested, "when all I want is to help?"

"I know you do, sweetie, but I don't want to overwhelm Jo more than I already probably will," Jaclyn said.

"You know, that's what Mark and _she _said when we went to _Buzzline _and he got his big break into being a huge filmmaker," Maureen argued testily, her cheeks reddening. She put a heavy emphasis on the word 'she.' When Maureen was angry these days, she never could say Joanne's name.

Mark stepped forward to interfere, but Maureen had him backing away slowly with one threatening finger pointed at him. "No, you stay out of this," she said firmly to him.

"But Maureen…" Mark protested weakly.

"No, Mark," Maureen said flatly, and he was silenced.

"Maureen, you haven't even seen Jo once since she, uh, threw you out that day. I just don't think you're ready to face her," Jaclyn said.

"Oh, so now the truth comes out!" Maureen yelled. She spun on her heel and went storming into Mark's room and slammed the door.

There was a moment of stunned silence. Then Roger let out a low whistle and murmured, "Wow." He looked at Mark. "Are you gonna go to her?"

Mark seemed to come out of a stunned daze. He immediately jumped to his feet, very startled. "Oh," he stammered, "I— um— yes." Clearly, he was more shocked than the rest of them. But he went to his room, where Maureen had gone, went in, and shut the door behind himself.

Jaclyn looked up at Collins. "Will you go with me?" she asked him.

"Of course, Baby girl," Collins said, smiling down at her.

"Thanks," Jaclyn said. She looked at Roger. "Do _you _have anything to say?"

Roger merely shook his head.

Jaclyn put a hand to her forehead. "I think I'm going to go lie down for a while," she said.

"Are you OK?" the two men asked in unison, immediately concerned.

"Yes, I'm fine; just a little light-headed, that's all," Jaclyn said. Roger and Collins followed her to her bedroom nevertheless, however. And without even changing into her pajamas, Jaclyn lay down on her bed and fell asleep, exhausted.

* * *

Jaclyn awoke to a gentle knocking on the door. She rolled onto her back and called, "It's open."

Maureen poked her head in the door and said, "Can I come in?"

"Of course, Mo," Jaclyn said. She craned her neck around, looking for a clock. Finding none, she sat up and asked, "What time is it?"

"About one in the afternoon," Maureen answered. "You've been sleeping all morning."

Jaclyn started to panic. Certainly, she'd missed her appointment with Joanne. Maureen saw the look on her face and assured her, "Don't worry. Collins took the letter to…" She paused for a moment, and then went on. "Anyway, he said you'd call and reschedule. She understood."

Jaclyn noticed Maureen still couldn't say Joanne's name and she knew she'd made the right decision in not letting Maureen go along with her, had she gone to see Joanne at all, after the morning's events.

"How are you doing, Mo, after last night?" she asked.

Maureen was silent for a moment. Then she burst into apology.

"Oh, Jackie, I'm so sorry," she said, flustered. "I'm such a fucking drama queen that I totally overreacted, and I know it, and I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

"I know. It's OK. But you're right, you, uh, did overreact… a lot," Jaclyn said. "You scared the shit out of Roger and Mark, and they've known you for years. Collins didn't say a word."

Maureen shook her head. "I was so stupid," she muttered.

"You were not," Jaclyn said, "at least, not really." She smiled and pulled Maureen into a hug. "Collins will be great. I know it. Please try to understand. I'm only worried and looking out for you."

Maureen nodded. "I know," she said. "Can you forgive me?"

"Yes," Jaclyn said. "By the way, how did Mark calm you down? I've never seen you like that, and of all people, he was the one that had to handle it. Collins told me about when I left, but…"

"Did he tell you about how I kicked Roger's ass like Mike Tyson?" Maureen asked, and she laughed. It was a good sound to hear. She grinned evilly at Jaclyn. "Like you can't guess," she teased.

After a moment of shocked silence, Jaclyn burst out laughing. "Oh, my _God_," she exclaimed, "you're kidding, right?" Maureen shook her head. Jaclyn's mouth fell open. "Wow, I'm… very impressed."

Maureen smiled. "So was I," she said. "It was… amazing."

Jaclyn smiled and hugged Maureen again. "Well, I'm glad. It was at least a way to take out your anger, right?"

Maureen grinned again. "Yes, totally," she said.

"Good. Hey, do you want to grab some lunch? I'm starving," Jaclyn said.

"Would I?!" Maureen said happily, and they walked out of the room together.

"Hey, girls," Collins said, when he saw them walk into the living room. "Where are you off to?"

"We're going to breakfast," Jaclyn announced, grinning. "We'll see you boys later. Collins, _please _stay sober today," she added firmly. "I'm calling to schedule a meeting with Jo this afternoon and I will need you at your best."

Collins laughed. "OK, Baby girl, I will," he promised, grinning. "Have fun, you two."

"Oh, we will," Maureen said, grinning, and they left.

"Wow," Roger said, looking at Mark and Collins. "What do you suppose struck their fancy today?"

Mark failed to hold back a laugh. Roger and Collins caught it. They looked at him expectantly and demanded, "What?"

Mark quickly explained. No sooner had he finished that Collins and Roger burst out laughing.

"Shut up," Mark said, blushing deeply. "It was"— a dreamy expression came over his face— "amazing."

"Wow. Good for you, Mark," Collins said, and he made his infamous whip-lashing motion. Mark blushed and smiled.

* * *

"Hi, Jaclyn Conway and Tom Collins, here to see Joanne Jefferson," Jaclyn said to the receptionist, walking up to the desk.

"Is Ms. Jefferson expecting you?" the receptionist, whose name was Katie, asked.

"Um, no, but we're friends of hers," Jaclyn said.

"One moment please," Katie said, and she buzzed Joanne, "Joanne, Jaclyn Conway and Tom Collins here to see you."

"Send them in," came Joanne's voice.

"You can go in," Katie said. "Follow me, please."

Katie led them down a short, white hallway and into the first room on the right. The name on the door said 'ATTORNEY JOANNE JEFFERSON'. "There you go," she said.

"Thank you, Katie," Jaclyn said, and Katie left. Jaclyn looked at Collins nervously, took a deep breath, and they went in together. "Hi, Joanne, thanks for seeing us."

"You're welcome," Joanne said, her voice somewhat stiff. "What can I do for you two today?"

Jaclyn wondered for a moment why Joanne was acting so distant and cold, but she didn't blame her, after what had happened between her and Maureen. "I want to draw up a living will," she said. "I wrote to you about it."

"Yes, your letter," Joanne said. "I reviewed it and I've already got everything drawn up. All you have to do is make sure it's right and approve of it."

Jaclyn's eyebrows rose. "Really?" she asked. "That's… well, that's great. It's a lot less complicated than I thought it would be."

"Well, it helped that you had told me ahead of time," Joanne said, and she lowered her voice, "and it also helps that I'm your friend. So go ahead and read it and see what you think."

"OK," Jaclyn said, and she read it. A couple minutes later, she looked up at Joanne. "It looks good to me. Thank you." She handed back the will to Joanne.

"You're very welcome," Joanne said. "Now, as your lawyer, I'll tell you it will be completed in about two weeks." She lowered her voice and leaned forward on the desk. "But as your friend, I can say I wish you the best of luck and I know you'll be fine. We all have faith in you."

Jaclyn smiled. "Thanks, Jo," she said.

* * *

A few weeks after hers and Collins' visit to Joanne, Jaclyn found herself forced with having to make a decision. Her recovery time away from Washington, D.C. was running out and she either had to return to D.C. and her job— but not really a life— or a different job in New York City and Roger and her other friends and the life she once had, that she would return to and start over.

"Mo," she said, putting her head in her hands, in her room again with Maureen, "I don't know what to do."

Maureen looked confused. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"I have to decide soon whether to go back to D.C. or stay here," Jaclyn said.

"What?" Maureen said, alarmed.

"I'm sorry, Mo, I know you've become used to me being here now, but I do have to decide," Jaclyn said. "I mean, I took emergency sick leave for this surgery, but since the surgery worked and I'm OK, and I'm still deciding whether to do chemotherapy and radiation, I have to go back sometime. My understudy, Anna, can only cover for me for so long."

"But I thought you liked it here?" Maureen whined.

"I do. Mo, please try to understand," Jaclyn said. "I do want to come home, but… at least for a while I need to return to my job. I'm only renting a flat; it shouldn't take too long to get everything in order so I can come home for real."

"Is this because of Roger?" Maureen demanded out of the blue.

Jaclyn was surprised. "No," she said, "no, not at all, actually. It was a long time ago that I made a decision based on my feelings for him. This time, I'm being completely realistic."

Maureen was silent for a moment. Then she asked quietly, "Are they still there?"

"Are what still there?" Jaclyn asked, looking at her.

"Your feelings for him," Maureen said.

Jaclyn sighed. She didn't know what to say to that. "I…" she began. She looked at Maureen, who was looking anxious. "I… guess. I mean, I don't think we could ever have a real relationship, after all we've been through, but… oh, I don't know. I guess I am willing to give him another chance, if he's really ready to prove himself to me. I mean, he seemed very sincere when he apologized to me that day in the hospital. It was like he finally realized something."

"OK, so it's settled," Maureen said, instantly perking up. "You're coming home."

"Maureen…" Jaclyn protested. But Maureen jumped off the bed and ran out of the room, giggling, before Jaclyn could stop her. Jaclyn made to go after her, but she easily tired these days, and Maureen was already in the living room when she stopped the door from slamming shut and swung it open.

Roger stood there. Jaclyn froze, unsure of what to expect from him. But before she could open her mouth to speak, he did.

"I… I guess I wanted to apologize," he said.

"What do you mean?" Jaclyn asked, confused.

"Just about everything I've… done to you," Roger said. "Collins and Mark told me what happened… that night you left. They said… they thought it was time I knew. They hoped you'd understand."

Jaclyn gasped. "They did?" she asked nervously. "W-what did you say?"

Roger sighed. "I'm just glad they got to you before anything happened," he said. "I know firsthand how hard smack can be on a person. And I'm so sorry, Jackie, that I brought you so low and caused you that much pain, that you'd be forced to even think about making a decision like that to get away from it all. I really am sorry."

Jaclyn looked at Collins and Mark and sent them a dark look. But then she looked into Roger's Kryptonite-green eyes and saw no trace of a lie. Or fear. "Well… apology accepted, then," she said.

Roger smiled and sighed with relief. When he smiled at her like that, she could literally see the tension leaving his body.

"So… will you go for a walk with me?" he asked, turning slightly and smiling sideways at her.

Jaclyn, remembering the day she had spontaneously asked him this and expected him to simply trust her, and he had agreed, nodded. "OK," she said, smiling.

Roger smiled back and she followed him through the living room. She glanced at Collins and Mark, who smiled at her, and she grabbed a coat from a hook on the wall as she followed Roger outside and shut the door behind herself.

They walked down the street a few blocks and came to Tompkins Square Park. "Remember the last time we were here?" Roger asked her.

"Yeah," Jaclyn said. "We were talking about Andy and you told me about the son you lost in the accident. And you found out it was me in the hospital that day."

Roger nodded. "Yeah," he said. After a moment of reminiscence, he looked down at her suddenly. "Hey, why is your hair brown? And…"

He paused and Jaclyn ceased the moment to tease him. "And?" she asked, fluttering her eyelashes playfully.

"And… your eyes are different," he stammered. He was obviously somewhat uncomfortable with this conversation, but she kept it flowing.

"Are they?" she asked, feigning innocence. Inwardly, however, she was thrilled he finally noticed. "Really, I never noticed?"

"Jackie, come on," Roger said seriously, "be serious. Tell me why everything's different about you."

_It's about time you noticed, dork, _Jaclyn thought. _I've only been home for almost three months._

"Oh, OK," she gave in, and she took a deep breath. But when she began to speak, she found she could not look at him. "I… I changed my hair and eye color because… I thought, after I left… if you found out and then I came back… that you wouldn't be able to look at me properly, not just because of Andy; in fact, not because of Andy at all anymore, but because I almost made the decision you _did _make at one point in your life, and I was ashamed of it. I changed myself to try and change the fact that I'd done that… to hide myself, I guess."

"Jackie," Roger said, and he lifted her chin with his thumb, "you don't have to hide from me. We've both made mistakes and paid for them. But that's all behind us now. Of all things, I'm the one saying that, so you really should listen." He laughed and smiled at her and she smiled back. "We can"— he looked her straight in the eyes— "start over. Besides, I'm looking at you now, realizing just how big of a fool I was to ever refuse you."

Jaclyn smiled and he pulled her into a gentle, tender kiss in the falling snow.

* * *

OK, so I got Jaclyn and Roger back together again… finally. But I had so much fun teasing Roger with that last part, it really worked out that way pretty nicely. And I admit, I've wanted to get them together for a long time, but it wasn't working out, so I didn't force it. I wrote this last night while waiting for someone to call me back (alas, she never did; she knows who she is, LOL, but that's OK), and I guess I was inspired; not sure what inspired me. I hope you guys liked this chapter. I know I've got Maureen overreacting a lot about Jaclyn leaving and stuff, but I just felt that was like her to do (drama queen and all), so I put it in.

As always, don't forget to review. I love feedback. Oh, and before I forget...

Who's going to RE_N_T and Wicked at the Nederlander and Gershwin Theatres after graduation, between May 29 and June 2nd? I AM! YEAH, BABY! YAY! SQUEEE! I'm SOOO seriousfuckinly excited (thank you, Adam Pascal), I can't even believe it! It's gonna be SO hard to get through these next few months, while waiting to go see it! My mom is going with me; we're flying out on May 29th. I can't wait! And ZOMG, if ANY of the Original Broadway Cast come back to reprise their roles, or just are THERE in SOME WAY and I get to MEET THEM, my dream will come true and I will be able to die happy when I get old! I will make sure to take LOTS of pictures and bring them back to show all of you! SQUEEE!

Until next time, lots of love,

Renthead07


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

* * *

"Jaclyn. Jaclyn, hello? Jaclyn, what is with you?"

Maureen's voice broke sharply through Jaclyn's mind. She blinked several times and looked up. "What?" she asked.

"I've been saying your name for five minutes. What's with you?" Maureen asked, clearly annoyed.

"Roger," Jaclyn answered.

Maureen rolled her eyes. "What did he do now?" she demanded.

"_He _didn't," Jaclyn said, "_we _did."

Maureen's eyes widened. "Wait, _what?_" she said, caught completely off-guard. "You did _what?_"

"Maureen, relax, it's not what you think," Jaclyn said. "We didn't have sex or anything." She almost laughed. "I can't imagine why you'd think we _would_, at the rate our relationship is going… But we did go to the park and he apologized. He was very sincere and…"

"What?" Maureen pressed her eagerly.

"He kissed me," Jaclyn said.

"_What?_" Maureen practically yelled. Then she said flatly, "That bastard."

"What?" Jaclyn looked at Maureen, surprised. "Maureen, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Well, I mean, after all he did to you, suddenly now he wants you back?" Maureen said, very hot-under-the-collar.

"I guess," Jaclyn said, shrugging. "I'm willing to give him another chance, but he has to prove himself to me. I think he will."

Maureen sighed. "Well, as long as it's on your terms and not his," Maureen said, and she seemed to deflate greatly, "then I'm happy for you and I wish you the best of luck."

Jaclyn smiled. "Thanks, Mo," she said, hugging her. "I'll be OK. We've both changed a lot since I left and came back. It'll probably be easier this time. We won't take each other for granted and we've got nothing to be afraid of this time."

"OK," Maureen said, "I can handle that. What else did he say?"

"He suggested I change back my hair and eye color," Jaclyn said.

Maureen nodded. "You should, I agree," she said. Jaclyn raised her eyebrows. Maureen smiled. "We want our old Jackie back."

"You're right," Jaclyn said. "OK, I'll do it."

Maureen smiled and hugged her back. "Good," she said, "I'm glad."

"Me too, sweetie," Jaclyn said.

* * *

"Maureen, would you calm down, please?" Jaclyn asked exasperatedly. "You _know _I'm only gonna be gone for a couple weeks max."

"I don't want you to go at all," Maureen said, throwing her arms around Jaclyn.

"Now Maureen, stop being such a drama queen," Jaclyn said, rolling her eyes. "I'm only going back to figure out my final rent payment on the flat and let Anna know she's being promoted."

It took a moment for this phrase to sink into Maureen's mind. When it did, her mouth fell open and she said, "You mean you're moving back for sure this time?"

Jaclyn smiled. "I'm sure gonna try," she said. It wasn't quite a promise, but it was close enough.

Maureen let out a shriek of happiness. "So where are you gonna stay?" she asked eagerly. "Are you gonna get your own place or are you gonna stay with Mark and Roger or what?"

Jaclyn laughed. "I'm not sure yet," she said. "Calm down, Mo. It won't be for another couple of weeks, at least. I still have to decide."

Maureen sighed. "Yeah, I suppose you're right, as usual," she said grudgingly.

"Good girl," Jaclyn said, smiling.

* * *

This time, when Jaclyn walked up to the 'A' train, she wasn't alone. She hadn't been alone before— Collins and Mark had been with her— but she had felt alone. This time, however, Maureen and Roger were with her as well, so she felt extra special.

She hugged Maureen, Collins, and Mark, and came to Roger last. She felt slightly awkward, but hugged him, too.

"I'll be back in a couple weeks," she promised to all of them, stepping back, "as soon as I get everything worked out in D.C. to come home for good, OK?"

"OK," they said together. The train whistled and the conductor called for all to board. Jaclyn smiled again and boarded. The train started to move, and a minute later, her friends were lost in the steam of the train.

* * *

_A few weeks later…_

Mark and Roger jumped as the phone rang. As was tradition, neither moved to pick it up before their notorious, obnoxious voicemail picked up.

"Speeeak."

"Hi, Mark, Roger, it's Jaclyn—"

Both of them rushed over to pick up the phone. They wrestled with it for a second; then Mark got it. "Hey, Jackie, what's up?" he asked, as Roger scowled at him from a few feet away. Mark laughed silently.

"I'm coming home this weekend," she said.

"Really?" Mark asked. "That's awesome. Where are you staying?"

"Actually, for now, I'm staying with Collins at his place. He called about a week ago and offered and I took him up on it," Jaclyn said. "I wanted to give you guys some space from me being there all the time, too."

"Jackie," Mark said, Roger listening beside him, "you know we like having you around."

"I know," she said.

Roger saw Mark was distracted for a split-second and seized the moment to steal the phone from him. "Jackie, guess what?" he said.

"What, Roger?" she asked curiously.

"I'm auditioning at CBGB's shortly to try and get a slot to play for them," Roger said, grinning.

"Really? That's awesome, Roger. When is your audition?" she asked.

"It's not for two weeks yet, but I'm still practicing a lot. I can't blow this, you know?" Roger said. "There are no callbacks, so I've only got one chance to get it right. I'm going to try to do the best I can."

"That's great, Roger. I'm excited for you. You'll do great, I know you will. Performing is in your nature," Jaclyn said.

Roger smiled. He was glad to have Jaclyn's support back again.

"I'm going to go now," Jaclyn said. "I'll see you guys this weekend, OK?"

"OK, bye, Jackie," they said. Mark and Roger looked at each other, both curious to see what she had in store for them.

Mark noticed Roger's hands were shaking when he hung up the phone.

"Roger, you OK?" he asked.

Roger looked down at his hands and quickly stuffed them into his pockets. "Yeah, I'm fine," he muttered, blushing. "I'm just… just nervous about this upcoming audition."

Mark, while not convinced, let the excuse slide for now. He would ask Roger about it again if he caught it again.

* * *

"Jackie!" Maureen squealed, running toward Jaclyn as she drove up to the loft that weekend.

Jaclyn smartly put down her suitcase and other luggage, seconds before Maureen plowed into her with a huge hug. "Hi, Mo," Jaclyn said, laughing and smiling at her. "Did you miss me?"

"Did I?!" Maureen said, laughing. "And _where the hell_ did you get your car?!"

Jaclyn grinned. "I bought it in D.C.," she said, smiling at Maureen, "only I couldn't bring it back until I knew I was coming back to East Village for sure." She looked at Maureen slyly. "Do you like it?"

It was a bright yellow 1993 Porsche 911 Turbo. Maureen's hands were literally twitching, aching to drive it. "Do I… _like it_?" she stammered. "Are you _kidding me_? I mean, do you know how likely this is to get _stolen _around here because it's so beautiful? Can I drive it, please, please, please?"

Jaclyn laughed. "We'll see, maybe later, Mo," she said. It wasn't a promise, but it was close enough. "I'm surprised that you, of all people, like it that much. I would have thought cars were more of Roger's thing."

"It is," Maureen said, "but I'm not stupid. I know when good taste comes along."

Jaclyn smiled. "I know you do," she said, hugging Maureen.

It felt incredibly good to be home with her family for good at last. And if she had her way, she wouldn't ever leave it. The group walked away, together again.

"We should go to the Life and grab a bite to eat," Collins suggested, as they walked with Jaclyn inside.

Jaclyn laughed. "Collins, with you, it's always food or partying," she teased him.

"I know, but what's a better life than that?" he teased, laughing. "Come on, please?"

"Oh, OK, let's go," Jaclyn said, smiling happily.

When they arrived at the Life, they settled in at their usual tables. The maitre d, used to their sudden appearances over the years by now, didn't even bother telling them to leave. Maybe it was because he knew they had money now, thanks to Mark's jobs with _Buzzline _and other major news companies, and Jaclyn, a new face to the maitre d, was with them, so he figured she had money to pay, if they didn't.

They only needed one table this time, and they all sat down. They ordered wine, beer, and stoli, and then Collins decided to make a toast.

"To our dear friend, Jaclyn, who, through all she's been there, has finally come home to the East Village, and to us, for good," he said. "And she's got a kick-ass car now that we're all aching to drive, but we promise to keep Roger away from it." He grinned.

Roger scowled at him. Collins laughed. Jaclyn smiled up at him and raised her glass. "To Jaclyn," the others said in unison, and they clinked their glasses together in cheers.

* * *

This is the end of chapter 15. I'm not sure when I will tell you what's going on with Roger (the shaking hands thing), but I promise I will reveal the reason eventually. For now, though, you'll just have to wait. :) Don't forget to review. I love feedback.

Until next time, lots of love,

Renthead07

P.S. I know I recently changed my name to PascalBaby, so maybe you're wondering why I don't sign off that way. Well, I'm so used to writing Renthead07, it literally just flows off my hands now. It's hard not to write it, in a sense. But that doesn't mean I'm going to go back to it, because, well, I admit it, I got bored with it. Eventually, maybe if I start another story, I will sign myself off at the end of each chapter as PascalBaby. We'll see. :)


	16. Chapter 16

I don't own the Adam Pascal song. Oh, and see if you can catch the Anthony Rapp reference once Roger returns back to the loft with Jaclyn after his audition at CBGB's. That's all I'm going to say. Here is chapter 16.

**Chapter 16**

* * *

A few weeks after Jaclyn's official return home to East Village, she and Collins spent the night at the loft and hung up with Mark, Maureen, and Roger. They spent most of the night partying and drinking and belting out songs at the top of their lungs. Jaclyn had never had so much fun. She crashed in her old room and Collins crashed on the couch.

The next morning, however, she woke with a pounding headache. She immediately staggered out into the kitchen to get some aspirin and a glass of water, barely able to think or move, and she saw Roger sitting at the kitchen table.

"Hey," she said softly.

Roger jumped. "Oh, hi," he said, looking up at her, concerned. "Are you OK?"

"I'll live," Jaclyn said, and she got a glass out of the cupboard and filled it with water. "Can you show me where you keep the ibuprofen? I've got a raging headache going on." She pressed her head into her hands, trying to make the pain lessen.

"Sure, sit down, I'll get you some," Roger said. Jaclyn sat down and he quickly went into the bathroom and got some ibuprofen for her. "Here you go." He handed her the two pills.

She quickly swallowed them down with the water. "Thank you. So… some party last night, huh?" she asked.

"Definitely," Roger said, smiling at her. "But it was worth it."

"Hey, how come you don't look as shitty as I feel?" Jaclyn asked, looking up at him through glazed eyes.

Roger almost laughed, but then he shrugged. "I guess I'm used to it," he said. "We used to get drunk and party all the time when Mimi and Angel were alive."

"Oh. Yeah, I suppose you're right. When I was in D.C., I never went out with my friends. I was practically a recluse, a—"

"Self-imposed exile?" Roger suggested.

Jaclyn looked up at him. "Yeah," she said. "Where did you come up with that?"

"Mark, Collins, and Benny used to call me that, when I was like the way you were in D.C. Believe me, I know what's it like to live like that," Roger said. "After April died and before I met Mimi, I literally never left the house. Mimi convinced me to see the world again as it really was."

Jaclyn nodded. "D.C. was a waste of my life," she said. She shook her head and winced. "Ooh, bad idea." She noticed Roger's hands were shaking, making the fork he was holding chink quietly against the table. "Roger, are you OK? Your hands are shaking," she said.

"Huh? Oh." Roger looked down and quickly put his hands on his lap under the table, blushing. "Yeah, um, I'm fine."

Jaclyn looked up at him. "You know, if something's wrong, you can talk to me," she said.

Roger nodded. "I know," he said.

Jaclyn could tell he was blocking something from her, but she didn't press him further. "Do you want to go for a walk?" she asked. "I know it's early, but it might help you relax and me to clear my pounding head. Plus, we won't wake Mark and Maureen and Collins up. I heard Mark and Maureen were up all night."

"Were they?" Roger asked, grinning at her. She nodded and winced again. Roger almost laughed, but he remembered Collins was asleep on the couch. "That, I would have liked to have seen."

"I wouldn't have," Jaclyn said, and she laughed quietly. She stood up and held out her hand. "Come on."

"I'm coming," Roger said, taking her hand, and they both grabbed coats and left.

* * *

"Hey, Mark?" Jaclyn asked. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure, Jackie, what's up?" Mark asked.

"Have you noticed anything weird about Roger lately?" she asked.

Mark nodded. "You mean how his hands shake?"

"Yes, that," Jaclyn said. "Are you worried at all?"

"Not really," Mark said. "I'm keeping an eye on it, but no, not really. I think it's just nerves of his."

"Has it ever happened to him before?" Jaclyn asked, looking over at him.

Mark raised his eyebrows as he thought about it for a moment. "No, it hasn't, but I don't think it's a reason to worry," he said. "If it gets worse, we'll ask him about it, OK? But for now, let's just let it be nerves."

Jaclyn sighed. "Well, OK," she said. And although she was not convinced, she let the subject drop.

* * *

A few days later, Roger was sitting on the window seat, playing his guitar part to _Book of Endings_, his newest song he'd written, when he felt his hands start to shake again. Still, it wasn't too bad yet, so he played through the shaking and it sounded fine. He was going along just fine, playing the chords perfectly and effortlessly, when suddenly, his hand twitched violently and he hit a wrong chord.

"Damn it!" he exclaimed.

"Roger," Jaclyn said, walking into the living room, from where she'd been making coffee in the kitchen, "is everything OK?"

Despite living with Collins temporarily, until she got a place of her own, Jaclyn still spent a lot of time at the loft, especially since she knew something was up with Roger and wanted to find out what it was, since he wasn't telling her.

"Everything's fine," Roger said sharply. Jaclyn looked at him, surprised at his tone of voice, and he immediately felt ashamed. He looked up at her, his Kryptonite-green eyes burning with embarrassment. "I'm fine… really."

"Well, OK," Jaclyn said, and she poured two cups of coffee and set them on the table. "Here's some coffee if you want it."

"Thanks," Roger said, getting up from the window seat and going over to the table. He took the cup into his hands and drank from it. It was fresh and hot, so he drank it slowly and tried to savor it. A few minutes later, his hands started to shake again, making the coffee in the cup splash around, and a few drops of it burned his hand. "Ouch!" he hissed in pain, and he quickly set down the cup.

"Roger, is everything all right?" Jaclyn asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Roger said. "I just… my hands shook for a second there and the coffee splashed on them."

"Let me get you some burn cream," Jaclyn said. Without waiting for an argument, she went into the bathroom and got it out of the cupboard. Unscrewing the cover from the container, she took some out with her fingers and took his hands in hers. He groaned softly at the pressure, as she gently rubbed it onto the burn on his hand, but she was being careful, so it didn't hurt.

"This shaking… it's been going on for a while now," Jaclyn said hesitantly to him. "Are you nervous about something?"

"No," Roger said.

Jaclyn finished putting the cream on his hand and put the container back in the bathroom cupboard.

"How do you do that?" Roger called after her.

"How do I do what?" Jaclyn called back from the bathroom.

"Always be there when I need you, even if it's just for something like a burn." He looked down at her through soft, tired eyes.

Jaclyn came back out to the kitchen and sat next to him. "I don't know." She shrugged. "I guess you're just lucky, or maybe it's a sign, huh?"

She grinned at him, expecting him to laugh, but he was staring silently, hard, at the wall, determined not to look at her. She sighed and gave up and went into her old room. If Roger wasn't ready to talk about what was going on, she wasn't going to force him. She knew she couldn't. She had to wait until he was ready to talk and that was that.

* * *

Roger was sitting on the window seat, a few weeks later, tuning his guitar. He was preparing for an audition at CBGB's and he knew he couldn't do anything wrong, or he would not get the slot.

"Are you nervous for your audition, Roger?" Jaclyn asked.

Roger looked up at her and, by instinct, almost said no. Instead, he said, "Yes."

"You said there are no callbacks, right?"

Roger nodded.

"But you've practiced and you're ready and everything, right? You've got a playlist and everything you can perform for them?"

"Yes, songs I've written that I want to record on my new CD, if I get signed. Some of these songs were written before I even met Andy."

"Wow, that's really cool. So I'm a conservative actress, it seems, and you're a conservative musician."

Roger looked up at her. Even when she didn't mean to, sometimes she read him so well. "Yeah," he said. Jaclyn smiled at him.

"Good luck," she said. "It's tonight?"

"Yeah, it's at seven."

"Would you mind if I came and watched you audition?"

"I don't know if they'll let you, but you can come if they do. If they don't let you watch, you can meet me afterwards and I'll tell you how it went."

Jaclyn smiled. "OK, cool." She put her hand on his shoulder. "I think you'll do fine."

Roger smiled at her. "Thanks," he said. Mark walked into the living room as Roger began to tune his guitar. But his hands began to shake again, and he was having a hard time tuning it. "This won't tune."

"So we hear," Mark teased him, drinking from his coffee cup.

"Shut up," Roger said. "I can't blow this. I may have a hit song out there, but right now, I'm still unsigned. I need this record deal."

"I know you do," Mark said. "Roger, you'll do fine. I know you will."

Roger smiled at him. "Thanks, Mark," he said.

* * *

"So, Rog, only a few more hours until the audition," his backup vocalist, Brandon, told him, smiling. They were doing a last-minute practice session, though they didn't really need it.

"Yeah," Roger said, looking down, "only a few more days."

"Are you nervous about the audition?" his drummer, Dominic, asked.

"Yeah, I am," Roger admitted, blushing. "Are you guys?"

"Sure we are," his guitarist, Travis, said. "But whatever happens, we'll stay with you."

"I know," Roger said, smiling at them. "I'm just…"

"Worried that the shaking will happen again," Dominic said, looking at him.

Roger looked up at him. "Yeah," he said, "I'm worried about that; really worried."

"If it does happen, just try to play through it," Travis said. "And if you can't, well, if we can only do one or two songs, they'll just have to be happy with that. It's all we can do since this shaking thing is unpredictable."

Roger looked up at Travis sharply, looking for any sign of fault in his face, but there was none. He was simply stating a fact and Roger knew that.

"Have you gotten the shaking checked out yet, to make sure it's not something bad?" Brandon asked.

"No, not yet," Roger said. "I want to wait until after the audition. You know, in case whatever is wrong can only be fixed with something like… surgery." He looked down and closed his eyes. He couldn't bear the thought of needing surgery, if this shaking was a bad thing, something he couldn't fix himself. If the surgery was botched, it might ruin his hands, and he maybe could never play the guitar again. That would ruin his whole life.

"Well, no matter what you choose, we'll be behind you the whole way," Brandon said, smiling and patting Roger on the back.

"Thanks, guys," Roger said, smiling weakly at them. "I may need it."

* * *

Backstage at CBGB's that evening, Roger took a deep breath, in an attempt to stem his nervousness. His hands were shaking again, but he clenched them together, hard, and they relaxed when he released them. Dominic, Travis, and Brandon were walking around behind him, also trying to contain their nerves.

"Roger?" a voice said from behind him.

Roger whipped around and his hands shook slightly again. It was Jaclyn. "Oh, hi," he said. "You— you're not supposed to be back here, you know."

Jaclyn rolled her eyes. "Maybe not, but I wanted to wish you good luck," she said, smiling up at him. Before he could react, she kissed him. It was firm, but brief, and there were no actual romantic feelings behind it. He knew it was merely a kiss of good luck. "Well," she said, blushing and grinning giddily, "good luck. I'll see you in a bit."

"OK," Roger said, and Jaclyn turned around and left.

"Who was _that_, Rog?" Brandon asked curiously.

Roger narrowed his eyes at him. He hadn't told the band much about Jaclyn. He had never been comfortable with the topic of her, especially after she'd left for D.C. But now she was back and he knew he had to tell them something or they would never leave him alone.

"She's a friend of mine," he said simply.

Travis's eyebrows rose. "She looked like more than a friend," he said.

Roger almost laughed. "Oh, that," he said, looking away. "She's… very touchy-feely when it comes to friendships." He shrugged.

The boys grinned and whistled.

"Hey, shut up," he said defensively. "She knows I don't want a real relationship with her, or I'll only ever hurt her. We… we already tried that."

The boys' eyebrows rose. "Really?" they asked. "What happened?"

"I'll tell you later," Roger muttered. "Let's just do this first, OK?"

"OK," they said, smiling, but he knew they would corner him about it later.

"We're ready for you now, Roger. Are you ready?" one of the producers, Larry, asked him, walking up to him.

"Huh? Oh," Roger said, startled, and he turned to face Larry. "Yes, I'm ready."

"OK, then you guys are on in two minutes," Larry said.

"Thanks, Larry," Roger said. He swung his guitar around to the front and walked into the room with the boys a minute later.

There were three judges sitting in chairs behind a table, two men and a woman. Their nametags said 'Nathan', 'Charlie', and 'Katie.'

"Hello, I'm Nathan Finster and welcome to CBGB's. This is Katie Williams and Charlie Knight. Roger Davis, right?" asked the first judge.

"Yes," Roger said. "And this is my band, Mute. My drummer, Dominic"— Dominic rose his sticks crossed above his head in greeting to the judges— "my guitarist, Travis"— Travis nodded at them— "and my backup vocalist, Brandon"— Brandon nodded and smiled at them.

"It's nice to meet all of you. And what have you got to play for us today?" Nathan asked.

"First, I've got a song I wrote, called _Your Eyes_. It's dedicated to my ex-girlfriend, Mimi Marquez." He looked at them. "She— she died of AIDS a few years ago."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Katie spoke up, looking at him sympathetically. "Go right ahead, whenever you're ready."

"Thanks," Roger said, "but first, I have to be honest with you guys about something." They looked up at him and he quickly said it, before he was overcome by nerves. "I'm HIV-positive, too. I'm the only one in the band that is." He looked down so he wouldn't have to see their reactions. "But I'm on good meds and I take good care of myself, a lot better than I used to. I don't think being positive will affect my performance at all, unless I somehow get really sick."

"I'm sorry you're sick, Roger, but it's good that you take good care of yourself," Charlie said. "Good for you." Roger smiled appreciatively at him. "Thanks for being honest with us."

"Of course," Roger said, and he strummed his guitar once. It was in tune. He turned around and looked at Dominic, Travis, and Brandon. "You guys ready?" They nodded. "OK, then here we go."

He played _Your Eyes _on his guitar first, so he was by himself, since he had obviously never written any backup band accompaniment for it. His voice, while soft and slightly shaky at first, grew stronger with each word. He closed his eyes and the images of the judges disappeared from his mind and were replaced with Mimi, her eyes, her long hair, and her bright smile. Even though all he could see was her face, and he knew she was imagining it, she seemed to be encouraging him and cheering him on.

He had to admit to himself, he was surprised when he hit the last note on his guitar passionately and sang Mimi's name without mistake. His hands never shook. When he was finished, he opened his eyes and saw that Katie had tears in her eyes.

"That was beautiful," she said, wiping a stray tear from her eye. "Sorry," she said to the other two judges, who were chuckling at her emotion.

"Thank you," Roger said, smiling at her, glad he'd touched somebody where it really mattered.

"What will you play for us next?" Charlie asked.

Roger thought about it for a moment, and then it came to him. "I wrote a song called 'The One That Got Away'," he said. "I wrote it almost eleven years ago when…" His voice choked up, surprising even himself. He took a deep breath and spoke again. "I wrote it almost eleven years ago when my girlfriend at the time died in a car crash." He looked at the three judges. "I write songs about my feelings… mostly my feelings about the people in my life, especially the women I've grown to love." He smiled, thinking of Andy, April, Mimi, and Jaclyn. They smiled back at him.

"Go ahead," Nathan said, gesturing for him to begin.

Roger nodded, pulled his guitar off his shoulders, set it down, and pulled a harmonica out of his pocket.

"Oh, you play harmonica with it, too?" Charlie asked.

Roger nodded. He glanced at the judges once, to make sure they were ready. Then he nodded to the band and Dominic beat out four counts, and they began to play. Only a few measures into it, Roger found himself feeling extremely comfortable with the familiar song, tapping his foot and rocking his head to the gentle beat. He played the first high pitches of the song without any error. Then he slid down to the low notes of the harmonica. Brandon joined with him in vocal harmony.

_I can't help it but I wait all night  
__Can't help it but I wait all night without you  
__Sunday morning didn't turn out right  
__I came into the morning light without you, ooh  
__You left on the 'A' train  
__Not even time to say  
__Goodbye to the one that got away_

_I can be far away  
__You won't be left behind  
__As long as you remain my friend  
__The easier I see the light of day_

He was on the second verse when his hands started to shake. He tried to play through it, but he couldn't hold the harmonica steady. Then suddenly, his hands went numb and he dropped it, the last note played incorrectly as the harmonica fell from his lips to the floor. He glanced back in horror at Dominic, who gave him a confused look and, while still keeping a steady beat going, mouthed, _What are you doing? _Roger shrugged nervously, picked it up, wiped it off quickly with his shirt, and tried again to continue and play through it. But this shaking episode was the worst it had ever been, and he couldn't continue. Dominic, Brandon, and Travis stopped playing as well.

Roger looked up at the judges and paused for what seemed like forever, and he said to them, "I-I'm sorry. M-my hands are shaking really badly. I don't think I can continue. I-I'm sorry."

"That's fine," Nathan said. "You did your first song so well you made Katie cry. That's got to mean something." He grinned at Roger. Katie laughed. Roger smiled back nervously. "You've got so much emotion and everything. I can tell you're a true musician and that you know what you're doing. Don't worry, you're just nervous. We see it all the time. I think we've heard enough for now, though, to start making a decision." Nathan stood up, as did Katie and Charlie. "We'll give you a call regardless, OK?"

"OK. Thank you so much," Roger said, his cheeks burning. He shook their hands and then he quickly left the room.

Jaclyn was waiting for him when he walked out. "Hey," she said, looking at Dominic, Travis, and Brandon behind him, "how did it go?"

Roger shook his head, pressing his mouth closed. "Not here, please, OK?" he muttered. "I think I might be sick if I open my mouth again."

"OK," Jaclyn said understandingly, shooting Dominic, Travis, and Brandon a worried look. Roger nodded at them in thanks and she thanked them herself, and then she left with him.

* * *

Roger sat down wearily on the couch when he and Jaclyn got back to the loft. Jaclyn sat across from him. She didn't press him for information. She waited for him to speak. Finally, he did, but his voice didn't seem to be working properly. "Jackie, it…" he began, but his voice cracked and died. Jaclyn quickly got him a glass of water and he drank it all in two gulps. "It was… a fuckup."

Jaclyn raised her eyebrows. "Really?" she asked. "It can't have been that bad."

"No, it was," Roger insisted. "I did _Your Eyes _first and it was excellent. I even made the woman judge cry." He looked up at her. She was smiling. "But then I looked at the judges and… and the shaking started again. I don't know if it was my nervousness that triggered it or what, but…"

"Your hands shook again?" Jaclyn asked.

"Yes," Roger said, looking at her. "It was the worst episode yet." He looked down. "I had to stop… and I'd had a couple more songs I'd wanted to do, too. Damn it!" he yelled, closing his eyes and putting his head in his hands.

Jaclyn put her arms around him and held him. He didn't stop her. "Oh, Roger," she said, "I'm sorry. Did they say anything else?"

"They said they'd heard enough to start making a decision about considering me or not for the slot," Roger said. "I did _Your Eyes _just fine— great, in fact, they said— but I totally fucking blew _The One That Got Away_. I don't think I'll get considered."

"Actually, I beg to differ, if you don't mind," Jaclyn said. Roger looked up at her. "They told you they were going to think about it, right?" Roger nodded. "Maybe it's just me, but that sounds like a consideration to me."

"You really think so?" Roger asked.

"Yes," Jaclyn said, smiling at him. "Just give it a little time and then we'll see."

Roger nodded. "OK. Thanks, Jackie," he said, looking at her, "not just for your support through this, but for everything. I've been a complete jackass for a long time, and you've been everything in a friend I could hope for. I'm really glad for that."

Jaclyn smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "You're welcome," she said, smiling at him. Roger smiled back at her.

* * *

Wow, already I am at chapter 16. I honestly wasn't anticipating the story to be this long. I really thought I'd have it finished before 10 chapters or so. Isn't it strange how, sometimes, stories almost seem to write themselves? But I guess the inspiration has kept flowing (luckily; I hate writer's block with a vengeance!) and I've just kept writing and deciding to post.

In the next chapter, you will most likely find out what's wrong with Roger's hands shaking all the time. If you haven't already guessed what's wrong, then I'm not going to tell you just now! You'll have to wait for the next chapter to be posted and you will find out then. :) I know, I'm so evil. :) But I have fun, too. :)

Oh, by the way, for those of you who haven't read Anthony Rapp's book, _Without You: a Memoir of Love, Loss, and the Musical, RENT_, the Anthony Rapp reference in this chapter is the word "fuckup." It's what he calls his original audition for RENT, when he sang REM's "Losing My Religion". During his audition, he actually accidentally skipped a verse, but he went on and sang through it and was actually called back to re-audition... and the rest is history!

I'll post chapter 17 up as soon as possible. Don't forget to review. I love feedback like Collins loves stoli, if that gives you any idea. :)

I just realized I haven't said thank you in a while to those who have reviewed for me so far: rosablasifann08, Renthead621, Murgy31, chocolateluvr, lovelive22, Misto4Ever, and Viva La Vie Boheme 1991, especially rosablasifann08, who has been there for me, not only through all my Rent stories, but since I started writing fan fiction. We've known each other for a little over a year, but yet, we are as close as they come and I really wish I could have met you when I was in Kentucky for a few days; it's too bad we couldn't. Thanks so much, anyway!

Oh, and Viva La Vie Boheme 1991, thanks so much for your review! It made me very happy, because I was surprised you hadn't shown up yet. Now I know why, though, LOL, you and your silly forgetfulness to review, LOL. Thanks for finally reviewing!

Until next time, lots of love,

Renthead07

P.S. I'm currently hating because it won't let me put the apostrophe in the chapter title CBGB's! It's stupid that way. Oh well, LOL.


	17. Chapter 17

I just thought I'd mention something really quick before you begin reading this chapter. The room number in this chapter has a real meaning. It's not just a random number. It is the numerical day of the year that RENT ends forever: day 153 of 366 (this year's a leap year, remember.) Oh, and I think I forgot to mention in the last chapter's A/N, the name Nathan is derived from Jonathan and his last name, Finster, was one of Jonathan's two cats, just in case you missed that. :) I apologize for the shorter-than-usual chapter. I wanted it to be longer, but this is the only way it works out. That's all I'm going to say. Here is chapter 17.

**Chapter 17**

* * *

A few days later, Roger jumped as the phone rang. Neither he nor Mark moved to answer it until Roger heard who it was on the answering machine. Mark had to fight to keep Maureen from answering it; even so many years later, they still screened their calls.

"Hi, this is Nathan Finster from CBGB's," Nathan said. "I'm calling back to speak to Roger Davis about—"

Roger picked up the phone as quickly as he could and the answering machine beeped as it shut off. "Hi, Nathan," he said, "it's Roger. You were saying?" Roger paused for a moment and listened to what Nathan had to say. A few minutes later, his mouth fell open and he looked at Mark in shock.

"What?" Mark and Maureen asked eagerly. But Roger brushed them away, hanging on Nathan's every last word.

A minute or so later, Roger hung up and he was grinning so wide, he looked like he'd won the lottery. "What happened?" Mark demanded excitedly.

"I got the slot!" Roger yelled excitedly. Mark beamed at him. Maureen let out a shriek of happiness.

"That's awesome, Roger, I'm so happy for you," Mark said.

"I have to tell Collins and Jaclyn everything," Roger said, and he immediately picked up the phone again. Maureen hugged him happily. Finally, again, their lives were really starting to pick up.

* * *

_A few months later…_

Collins and Jaclyn were jarred awake in the middle of the night by the phone ringing. Both scrambled out of bed and ran into the hallway from their rooms. Collins motioned for Jaclyn to grab the phone, since she got there first. At first, she was confused as to who was calling.

"Hello?"

"Jackie?"

"Mark?"

"Yes. Jackie, you and Collins have to get over here," Mark said. "There's something wrong with Roger."

"What?" Jaclyn said, shooting Collins an alarmed look. "What's wrong with him, Mark?"

"I don't know," Mark said, starting to panic. "He just suddenly went all strange and started shaking. He keeps screaming that he can't feel his hands or something."

"Oh, my God," Jaclyn said, paling. "Did you call 911?"

"Yes," Mark said, "I called 911 right away, because I thought he was having a seizure or something. I'm going with him in the ambulance. But I had to let you and Collins know. Meet me at Bellevue, OK?"

"OK," Jaclyn said. "We'll pick Maureen up, OK? We'll be right there."

"OK, thanks. Bye, Jaclyn," Mark said, and he hung up.

Jaclyn turned to Collins. "We have to go to Bellevue," she said. "Mark said something's wrong with Roger. He's already gone with Roger and the ambulance by now; I bet Maureen's freaking out completely."

"What did he say was wrong?" Collins asked.

"He said Roger started shaking all of a sudden and that he's screaming that he can't feel his hands," Jaclyn relayed quickly.

"Do you think he's having a seizure or a stroke or something?" Collins asked, as Jaclyn rushed into her room to get dressed.

"I don't know," Jaclyn yelled through the closed door, "but we have to get there fast. But if he was having a stroke, would he be able to scream? When you have a stroke, you can't speak, because one side of your body goes all numb..." As she came back out into the hallway, Collins was already dressed. "Will your car start?"

"I don't care if it does or doesn't," Collins said. "I'll hail a cab. You get a jacket on, OK?"

"OK. Thanks, Collins," Jaclyn said, smiling at him. He smiled back briefly as he pulled his long brown coat on and ran outside to hail a cab.

* * *

The cab drive over to the hospital was only a few blocks, but to Jaclyn, Collins, and Maureen, it felt like an eternity. When they finally arrived, they quickly paid the cab driver (a little extra, since they'd told him to pick up Maureen) and rushed into the waiting room.

"Roger Davis," Jaclyn said.

"One moment please," the secretary said, and she looked up Roger's hospital room, "room 153."

"Thank you," Jaclyn said, and she rushed down the hallway, Collins and Maureen behind her. She entered the room quickly, but Collins prevented the door from slamming. "Mark?" was all she said.

Mark put a finger to his lips and looked up at her. He stood and beckoned for them to follow him out to the hallway. They did.

"Mark, what's going on?" Jaclyn asked.

"You just missed the doctor," Mark said. "He told me he wanted to wait until you guys got here, but he got paged away on another emergency. They tested for stroke and seizure, but didn't find anything like that…"

"What is it, Mark?" Jaclyn asked. "What's wrong with Roger?"

Mark looked at her, Maureen, and Collins, his features paler than usual. He was blinking several times, as though trying to hold back tears. Then he dropped the bombshell.

"It's Parkinson's Disease."

* * *

Ooh, cliffhanger. Dun, dun, dun. Wanna know what happens? Well, send some reviews this way and I'll post up the next chapter as soon as possible. I'm already starting to work on chapter 18 (wow, is it that already? Wow.) I realize Roger's Parkinson's is progressing much, much faster than normal (is there such a thing with something like Parkinson's?) The only reason that is, is because I don't want to drag it out. I hope that's OK with you and that it doesn't seem too rushed, even if it, realistically, is unusual. Please don't criticize me for doing that. Thanks. And I'm trying my best to research Parkinson's and I did in fact find that AIDS victims sometimes get it, so it works for Roger's ailment. I'm interested to see your guys' reactions to that.

Don't forget to review. I love feedback. Thanks.

Until next time, lots of love,

Renthead07


	18. Chapter 18

The chapter title doesn't really have a meaning in relation to the chapter. I just really like it. The song itself, by Adam Pascal (whom I'm only renting it from) makes me cry every time I listen to it. But it's all good, because I love him. :)

Oh, and I should also mention that, it's ironic that Jaclyn is staying with Collins these days, because back when Andy was alive, after she got emancipated from her abusive father, a while before she died, she was staying with Collins! I just found that concidence funny, and I thought you might, too.

I may be ending this story in a chapter or two. We'll see just how well my muse cooperates. Just wanted to let you guys know. Here is chapter 18. :)

**Chapter 18**

* * *

Jaclyn, Collins, and Maureen stood in front of Mark, staring at him in horror. "Parkinson's," Jaclyn squeaked, her voice shaking, "w-what does that mean?"

"Isn't that the disease that old people get?" Maureen stammered, just as stunned.

"Usually," Mark said quietly, "but it can happen to young people, too. It's rare— really rare, in fact— but look at Michael J. Fox. He was diagnosed when he was thirty. Roger's almost thirty."

Maureen shook her head. "Yeah, but Roger takes good care of himself. What could have caused it? We never saw him as getting something like this…"

"I know, Mo," Mark said, "and you know… more famous people than just Michael J. Fox have it or have had it; the doctor told me Adolf Hitler; Deborah Kerr, who starred in _The King and I_; George Roy Hill, director of _Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid_; and a couple others have all had it or do have it."

"Wow," Jaclyn and Maureen said together, and they looked at each other, surprised.

"I never knew that," Jaclyn said.

Mark smiled weakly. "But even though there's no cure, there is treatment," he said. "I bet, after he calms down from hearing the news, he'll opt for the treatment; anything to get him back the use of his hands."

Maureen nodded. "Yeah, you're right," she said. "He's gonna be a mess, isn't he?"

Mark nodded solemnly. He was afraid of that, too.

Suddenly, the nurse-call noise shrieked above their heads. They cringed at the noise, but they knew this meant Roger was awake.

"Come on," Mark said, "let's get back in there. It'll make him feel better if we're in there with him."

The others nodded, agreeing, and followed Mark back into the room. Roger turned his head and looked at them as they walked in. He looked very confused.

"Guys," he asked, his voice cracking, "what happened? What's wrong with me?" He looked around, his expression frightened. "I haven't been back here since…"

He couldn't finish his sentence, but they all knew he wanted to say Andy's name. He'd been in the hospital several times since the day Andy had died, but only once had he been the victim then— now it was twice.

They knew the news would destroy him.

"Roger…" Mark began hesitantly. "Maybe we shouldn't tell you right now… you need to rest…"

"No, Mark," Roger objected immediately. "Don't you pull that on me! It'll only make it worse if I don't know what's going on, you know that." Mark nodded. He did know that. "Tell me what's wrong."

Mark sighed and looked at him nervously. "Roger," he said, "the doctor said… the hand shaking and the weakness and the loss of control of your hands… it's Parkinson's disease."

Roger paled and tears formed in his eyes. "Oh, my God," he said, and he wiped away the tears furiously before they could fall down his face, "P-Parkinson's? B-but don't only old people get that?"

"Yes, usually," Mark said. "A case like yours is rare."

"But w-why do I have it?" Roger stammered. "My hands are weak… they shake… I guess I should have known… I mean, look at Michael J. Fox, right?" Mark nodded. "I can't even fucking play guitar anymore!" He slammed his fist down on the nightstand next to his bed. "Playing guitar is my life! Damn it!"

"I'm sorry, Roger," Jaclyn said quietly, looking at him. She looked like she was about to cry.

Roger wouldn't look at her.

"Rog, you know, there's treatment," Mark said, desperate to calm Roger down. If Roger's heart rate and blood pressure got too high, the alarms would start beeping, the nurses would be back in, and they would kick them out. Then Roger might get even more upset.

"We figured you would opt for any treatment possible," Mark said. "That's the best thing to do."

Roger nodded. "I suppose you're right," he said. "But Mark, I only just got the slot at CBGB's a few weeks ago. It's been going great, playing for them. I have to play for them. I worked so hard to achieve this. You know that."

"I know," Mark said. He sighed. "All we can do for now is tell Nathan at CBGB's what's going on and see what we can do. We'll start treatment, since you agree to do it, and we'll see if that helps."

Roger nodded miserably. "OK," he said, and he lay back on his pillows. "Mark, what do you think could have caused me to get it?"

"I don't know, Rog," Mark said. "But the doctor said your HIV causes the dopamine receptors in your brain to go all wacky or something. For now, that's the only reason he can come up with."

Roger nodded and sank back against his pillows again, raising his hands in defeat. "Great," he muttered, "so I've got April to thank for this?"

Mark sighed again. "I guess so, Rog," he said. "But we'll try our best to help treat it, OK? The doctor said you can take a pill that'll help it and if you watch what you eat and exercise regularly, that'll help, too. There are quite a few things we can try."

Roger nodded. "Yeah," he said neutrally. And that was all that had to be said. "When do I get out of here?" he asked the others.

"They'll let you go tomorrow, since they know it wasn't a stroke or a seizure," Mark said. "You really scared me, Rog."

"I know," Roger said, looking down. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have hidden this from you guys." He looked at Jaclyn. "You knew what was going on first. It was stupid of me to keep it from you. You tried to be there for me."

Jaclyn shrugged. "I understand," she said. "You were embarrassed about it. It's OK. At least we know you're OK now, instead of that you had a stroke or a seizure or something."

Roger nodded. "Yeah, but I'm still sorry," he said.

Jaclyn nodded. "Apology accepted," she said, smiling at him. He smiled back.

* * *

A month after his diagnosis, Roger knocked on Mark's door and poked his head in, after he heard Mark call to him to come in. "Hey, I'm going for a run, OK?" he said.

"OK," Mark said. "Be careful."

"I will," Roger said, smiling at Mark before he closed the door and left.

Roger had only started running a few weeks ago, but already he had found that it eased his tension and the shaking of his Parkinson's was slightly less. And after he had his breathing regulated, he found he could just run and his mind would enter a kind of Zen phase. He rarely knew where he would end up, unless he really did have somewhere he needed to go; he tried to look at it as just venturing onto a new path every day that he might never be able to walk down again. He just went where his feet took him. And when he was done, the total physical exhaustion relaxed him so much that he almost always slept better than usual.

Today's run took him to Tompkins Square Park. When he got there, he found a bench and laid down on his back on it and watched the clouds float by. He tried to imagine what shapes they made. He picked out what looked like a rabbit lying down, a cat, and even a guitar.

He thought about everything that had happened to him in his life over the years; how he'd been raised by his mother, Lu, and overcome his abusive father, Jake's alcohol-induced wrath, quite like Andy with her father; Andy's death; his heroin use with April, her death, and his painful withdrawal; Mimi's death; meeting Jaclyn and her bringing back all his painful memories from high school on; his brief relationship with her; finding out Jaclyn had breast cancer and helping her battle that and overcome it; then him getting Parkinson's Disease and now having to figure out how to deal with that.

He'd overcome a lot, he knew that. He also knew he had to start giving himself some credit. He usually gave all the credit to the people around him, the people in his life, but he did deserve some, too.

Roger felt a feeling of restlessness come over him and he sat up. He knew he should go back to the loft sometime, or sooner or later, Mark would begin to worry about him. So he stood up, took a deep breath, and started to walk home.

* * *

Jaclyn walked up the stairs to the loft and knocked before she slid open the sliding door. As she walked in, she called, "Hello?"

She didn't get a response right away, but Mark and Maureen walked out of their room. Mark didn't have a shirt on and Maureen was in her bathrobe. Jaclyn didn't have to ask what they'd been doing seconds before she'd walked in.

"Hey, Mark, Mo," Jaclyn said, smiling at them, "where's Roger?"

"He's out on a run," Mark said. "Maureen and I have been coming down really hard on him to try and stay positive about his Parkinson's. Running is his way of escaping it, I guess." Mark smiled. "He doesn't know it yet, but I'm really proud of him."

Jaclyn nodded and held up a plastic bag she'd brought with her. "I brought him some Bach remedy stuff that might help him."

"Bach remedies?" Mark asked.

"Yes, they're herbal remedies that help things like impatiens for impatience"— she held up impatiens— "and mimulus, for facing specific fears, which, in Roger's case, would be his Parkinson's"— she held up mimulus— "honeysuckle to help him live the day"— she held up honeysuckle— "and larch to help him find joy and peace."

Mark and Maureen still looked skeptical, but she knew they were willing to help her out. "It'll help, I know it," Jaclyn said. "My mom was into them when Andy and I were little. For a while, they even helped her with her cancer."

"Do you use them?" Maureen asked.

"Oh yeah, every day," Jaclyn said. "Lavender and chamomile calms you down, for one thing. I drink that every night."

"So you just put them into a drink and drink it with it?" Mark asked.

Jaclyn nodded. "Yes," she said, "but with something like impatiens, if you put it with caffeine, they'll cancel each other out and it wouldn't be worth it to use it. Know what I mean?"

Mark nodded. "OK," he said, "we'll try some of these with Roger later. But Maureen and I were gonna go get the week's worth of groceries. Do you want to come with us?"

Jaclyn noticed the guitar resting on the window seat and she got an idea. "Um… no, thanks," she said, looking back at Mark and Maureen. "I… I think I'll pass this time."

Mark and Maureen nodded, looked at each other once, and got dressed. Then they left to go get the groceries, after saying goodbye to Jaclyn. As soon as she saw them walk down the street and away from the loft, she crossed the room and sat down on the window seat. She slowly reached over and caressed the guitar gently. Then, before she could lose her nerve, she grabbed the guitar and slid the strap over her shoulders. She strummed the strings with the pick that was attached to the strap and checked if it was in tune. Being Roger's guitar, it was bound to be. It was.

But she still felt doubtful and began a mental battle with her subconscious.

_Do you really think this is gonna help Roger? _her subconscious asked her.

_Yes, _Jaclyn thought, _it will help him. Eventually, he'll lose most or all of his hand control, right?_

_Right; so?_

_So… if I learn how to play guitar as well as he does, I can play instead of him… he can still sing and Travis can still back up him on guitar, and Brandon on vocals, but I would be playing the guitar for him. I don't know if he'll agree to that, but maybe he should be surprised. Otherwise, he might be too stubborn about letting me do it._

_Maybe you shouldn't do it all. Mute doesn't have girls in it._

_Oh, quit being sexist. I'm only trying to help him._

None of the Bohemians knew, but Jaclyn had done at least one productive thing while in D.C.: she had learned how to play guitar. Of course, she wasn't as good as Roger and Travis, but she was already pretty good.

She went over to the phone and picked it up. She dialed Information and asked for Travis' number.

"Hey, Travis," she said, when he picked up, "it's Jaclyn. I think I may need your help with something…"

* * *

Haha, I guess I'm on another cliffhanger high. :) I'll update the next chapter as soon as I can. There may be several time lapses in it; I'm not sure yet. Please be patient with me while I juggle my senior year, two jobs, my fast-upcoming musical (performance nights are March 13, 14, 15, and 16), and writing this. I am writing the chapters as quickly as possible.

As always, don't forget to review.

Until next time, lots of love,

Renthead07


	19. Chapter 19

I don't own the Adam Pascal songs in this chapter. I'm merely renting them (pun fully intended, haha.) Here is the last chapter of _Undiscovered_. Enjoy.

**Chapter 19**

* * *

Roger was in a rehearsal at CBGB's, playing a new single they were working on, _Model Prisoner_, when his hands started shaking again. Try as he did to play through it, the shaking spell gradually worsened and he had to stop playing.

"You OK, Rog?" Dominic asked, concerned. The boys were used to the fact that Roger now only stopped playing when he had to; and it could never be sure when he had to. They were just concerned that he might be in pain and that would scare him.

Roger nodded and took off his guitar with Travis' help. Travis set it on the floor and Roger looked at them, his cheeks burning.

"I-I'm sorry, guys…" he said. "I-I really have been trying to play through it, but it just keeps getting worse, especially when I get nervous…" He looked at the boys. "What are we gonna do? Do you think we'll lose our slot because of this?"

"No," Dominic said immediately, catching Travis and Brandon's gaze, "we won't. We can't. Nathan's been very understanding about all this. You told him about it shortly after we got the slot, but you said you'd play your heart out until you couldn't anymore. Plus, he said his decision was firm."

Travis and Brandon knew Dominic was talking about Jaclyn helping them out in secret by learning Roger's part on the guitar, but Roger wasn't going to know about that until he had to, or until they surprised him. They knew, if he found out too soon, he would become stubborn and refuse Jaclyn's help. He was sometimes too independent for his own good. But at the same time, they knew he could become too _dependant_ for his own good, especially with this condition.

Roger nodded. "I know," he said. "I sure hope not. It would have all been because of me…"

"Hey now, none of your infamous self-pity," Travis said firmly. "We'll figure something out."

Roger nodded mutely. "I hope so," he said.

They all turned as they heard a door open. Jaclyn walked in. "Hello, boys," she said, smiling at Brandon, Travis, and Dominic.

"Hi, Jaclyn," they said in unison.

Jaclyn caught Travis' eye and he went into the back storage room to get something.

"What are you doing here, Jackie?" Roger asked.

"I came to watch you guys play," Jaclyn fibbed, looking at Roger and hoping her expression didn't betray her secret.

"Jackie, you know we only practice from seven to nine," Roger said.

"Oh, right," Jaclyn said, playing dumb.

After a moment of awkward silence, Roger said, "Well, guys, we're done, if you need to go." He looked at Dominic and Brandon. "Where's Travis?"

"He's getting something from the back storage room," Dominic replied. He'll be along."

Roger shrugged and looked at Jaclyn. "Do you, uh, need a ride home?" he asked her.

"No, thanks," Jaclyn said. "Travis is gonna give me a ride home later."

Roger looked surprised and slightly suspicious, but still, he nodded. "OK," he said. "Let me or Mark or somebody know when you get home, OK?"

"OK, I will," Jaclyn said, and she smiled at him before walking away.

"Look, guys," Roger said, lowering his voice and looking at Brandon and Dominic when Jaclyn was out of earshot, "take care of her, OK? She and I may not have a romantic relationship going, but she's still a good friend. She and I have both been through a lot together."

Brandon and Dominic nodded. "We know," they said.

"Don't worry, man, we got it under control," Dominic said, patting Roger on the back and smiling. "You go on now."

Roger smiled at him and nodded. "All right, later," he said, and he turned around, picked up his guitar, and left.

Jaclyn turned around after she heard the door shut after Roger left. "Is he gone?" she asked.

"Yeah," Dominic said, smiling at her. "Do you still wanna practice?"

"Yes," Jaclyn said, "absolutely. Hey, Travis," she called to the storage room, "the coast is clear."

Travis came out of the room, grinning. "You're a sneaky little devil," he teased her.

"I prefer demoness, if you don't mind," Jaclyn retorted, laughing and pretending to swish her tail in midair with her hand.

Travis laughed. "OK, well, let's see how well you do," he said, and they started to play.

* * *

A few weeks later, Jaclyn, Brandon, Travis, and Dominic finished their rehearsal. Jaclyn had again given Roger the excuse that Travis would give her a ride back to the loft later, so Roger would leave, enabling them to practice together in secret. The bands biggest night of the spring season at CBGB's was coming up fast, the college students' spring break (she knew Roger had way too many college fan girls to count) and Jaclyn didn't know when she might have to step in for him. She knew, however, that she would have to, so she intended to be as prepared as possible for Roger's sake.

"Hey, Travis," she said, when they were putting away the equipment, "can I ask you something?"

"Sure, Jackie," Travis said, as he took the guitar from her, put it in its case, and put it in the storage room, "what's up?"

"You don't… mind that I'm playing for Roger… instead of you, do you?"

Travis looked at her, surprised, and then, to her surprise, he laughed.

She looked at him, confused. "What are you laughing about?" she asked.

Travis regained his composure and looked at her. "Sorry," he said. "I'm just really surprised you would ask something like that."

"Why are you surprised?" Jaclyn asked. "I'm curious."

"Well, because, do you have any idea how good you are?" Travis asked. "You'd only taken lessons in D.C. for six months, and already you're almost as good as me and Roger. You're amazing."

Jaclyn smiled appreciatively. "Wow," she said, "thanks, Travis."

"Besides, I know you're doing a good thing for Roger by doing it, and we're helping you help him, and that's that," Travis said. He smiled at her. "It's OK, really."

"Are you sure?" Jaclyn asked, worried.

"Yes," Travis insisted, "it's great. For one thing, it was your idea."

Jaclyn nodded, regarding this. "Yeah, I guess it was," she said.

"And another thing, you're a girl," Travis said. He grinned at her.

Jaclyn was surprised again. "What's that supposed to mean?" she asked curiously.

"I don't mean anything by it," Travis said, recovering quickly and shaking his head. "I just mean that I find a female guitarist sexy."

Jaclyn laughed. "Why, thank you, Travis," she said, smiling at him.

"No problem, babe," Travis said, smiling up at her. Jaclyn laughed. Travis was always so sweet to her, and he had a sense of humor and was very laid-back. She liked that so much about him. She started to walk away to see what else she could do to help disassemble everything, when he said, "And hey, you know what?"

She turned around and looked at him. "What?" she asked.

"Before this idea of yours, we were only just a band—"

"— with some fame attached—"

"— and after you leave the band, whenever that happens, we will still be just a band; and yeah, we're kinda famous." Travis grinned at her and they both laughed. "So don't you worry your pretty little head about it, OK?"

Jaclyn smiled. "OK, I'll try not to," she said. He smiled back at her and they walked out of the room so he could take her home.

* * *

The long-awaited night of the college spring break performance at CBGB's had arrived. Roger and the boys were playing their new single, _Model Prisoner_, when Roger felt his hands starting to shake. The tremor wasn't as bad as he had had in the past, so he played through it and managed to finish the song. But with every shake, he felt his cheeks flaming with embarrassment and his confidence plummeting.

Finally, he had to stop. He looked back at Dominic, Travis, and Brandon, his heart pounding. He spoke to them on his headset, but they didn't respond, and he figured his headset wasn't working properly.

_Damn it, _he thought, _not now! Please, not now!_

"G-guys," he stammered, pressing the small button on the right side of his headset. If he pressed this, he could speak to the boys without the audience hearing. When they didn't look at him or respond, he knew they couldn't hear him. He wanted to signal them, but he knew the audience would notice.

He knew that tonight, somehow, amongst the screaming girls and hooting, crazy boys, the show much, somehow, go on.

But how? If he couldn't play, what was the point of them having a slot, especially to play during one of CBGB's biggest nights?

Offstage, Jaclyn was watching Roger anxiously with painful sympathy. She knew she had to go on eventually, but she didn't know when. And she knew the timing had to be right. Only she, the boys, and Nathan knew she was here.

"Travis," she said into her headset, pressing the button, "when do I go on? Roger looks like it's happening again and he's about to lose it, in case you haven't noticed."

Travis looked over at Roger and then looked at Jaclyn, surprised. For some reason, he obviously hadn't noticed. "Sorry, Jackie," he said. "He looks like he's talking to us or something and I don't hear anything. I think his headset isn't working. You'd better make an appearance." Jaclyn made to enter onto the stage, but he said, "But before you do, can you get a new headset out of the storage room for him?" Jaclyn nodded and went to go get it. "And Jaclyn, hurry!"

Jaclyn nodded and rushed to the storage room and grabbed a new headset for Roger, and walked toward the stage entrance. Then she walked on.

At first, it seemed as though Roger couldn't believe what he was seeing. He stared at her as she came onstage with a guitar over her shoulder and a headset on.

Before he could say anything, she handed him the new headset. Then she turned to the crowd. "Sorry about that, everybody," she said to the audience. "I guess Roger had a little technical difficulty." The audience laughed, to Roger's surprise. "How are you guys doing tonight?" Jaclyn asked them.

The audience cheered and Jaclyn looked at Travis, Dominic, and Brandon, who were smiling at her. She grinned at them, looked at Roger, who was looking confused, and then looked at the audience.

"Now, you may all be wondering who I am and what I'm doing here. So, introductions… I'm Jaclyn Conway and a friend of Roger's. We've known each other for about a year and a half now. My sister was his high school sweetheart, but unfortunately, she was killed in a car accident on April 12, 1981. Long story short, I tracked Roger down and we became friends.

"Well, you all know that recently, Roger was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease, which he has been trying very hard to positively live with, and for that, I think he deserves a big round of applause."

She clapped her hands together, and within a few seconds, the audience joined her, cheering and clapping. "We're all proud of him for doing what he has to positively deal with what might have instead been something that destroyed his passion," she went on. She walked upstage. "Now, he doesn't know it yet, but for the past several weeks, I've been working really, really hard with his band in secret to get where they are in performing for you guys. I wanted to help him and this seemed like the best way I could think of. I know you guys have been his fans since, well, forever, but I'm not trying to replace him. I'm only trying my best to help him and I hope you guys are OK with that."

Judging by the applause and cheers that followed her little speech, they were OK with it. She looked up at Roger and asked, "Of all people, though, are _you _OK with it?"

For a long moment, Roger was still and didn't respond. Then he nodded. "Yeah," he said, "I'm OK with it." He looked at the audience. "So you guys are OK with a girl joining Mute?" The audience cheered again and Roger looked at them, and then at Jaclyn, his eyes twinkling. His shock at first in seeing her was now gone. "But maybe she should show us what she's got first?" he teased, grinning at Jaclyn.

The audience cheered and Jaclyn laughed. "All right," she said, grinning, and she looked at Travis, Dominic, and Brandon. "What should we do for them, guys?"

"Well, why don't we do that new song you showed us a couple weeks ago?" Travis asked her on his headset.

"Oh, _Rhyme and Reason_?" Jaclyn asked him on her headset. "OK, that sounds great. One second, though." She turned to the audience. "This is a song I wrote for Roger and Andy while I was in D.C. for about six months, trying to find myself. When I discovered I had a health scare— breast cancer— I realized that I really shouldn't take my family here for granted."

While she was saying this, she noticed the door in the back of the building opening. To her shock, Mark, Collins, and Maureen walked in. For a moment, while they found available chairs in the first row, she couldn't speak. Then she swallowed past the lump in her throat and spoke.

"And wouldn't you know it," she said to the audience, "they just walked in, fashionably _late_"— she gestured to Mark, Collins, and Maureen in the front row and gave them a teasing look— "Mark Cohen, Tom Collins, and Maureen Johnson, everybody."

Maureen was obviously ecstatic at having the spotlight turned on her, but all three of them were even happier— albeit, very surprised— that Jaclyn was doing this for Roger. They beamed at her as she went on.

"And, well, with that said, if it's OK with Roger, I'd like to dedicate this next song, the song I wrote while in D.C., _Rhyme and Reason_, to my sister, Andy Elizabeth Conway." She looked at Roger, who nodded and smiled at her. "This song's for you, Andy. May the angels lead you in?"

_It's so cold  
__Let's take flight  
__Well, we won't need a net  
__Hold on tight  
_

_A new ride is unveiled  
__And we won't need to try  
__So there's no way to fail_

_A desperate look in our eyes  
__Holding onto one another  
__Holding on for all our lives  
__Just letting to discover  
__Ah, yeah, oh_

_It's OK to realize  
__Being born into nothing  
__No one and nowhere  
__It's all a surprise_

_A desperate look in our eyes  
__Holding onto one another  
__Holding on for all our lives  
__Just letting go to discover_

_That love don't need a reason  
__And love don't need a rhyme  
__I'm standing here pleading  
__And you just cover your eyes  
__Yeah_

_A desperate look in our eyes  
__Holding onto one another  
__Holding on for all our lives  
__Just letting go to discover  
__That love don't need a reason  
__And love don't need a rhyme_

_I said love don't need a reason  
__And love don't need a rhyme  
__I'm standing here pleading  
__While you just cover your eyes  
__Yeah, oh_

_It's so cold  
__Let's take flight  
__It's so cold  
__Hold on tight_

Roger joined in with her in tight harmony during the second chorus. Although he was shocked— he had never known she could sing, let along so well— he felt himself unconsciously wanting to join her. Singing was in his blood and it felt almost unnatural not to sing with her. So he was.

They hit the last words in tight harmony and Jaclyn sang the last words softly, bringing the song to an end. Before she knew what was happening, as the crowd cheered, Roger came over and hugged her gratefully. She looked up at him and saw he, overcome with emotion, was crying. Finally, it seemed, he had come to truths and had closure about Andy's death so long ago. She beamed at him and wiped the tears away with the pad of her thumb.

Then she took his hand and they walked to the front of the stage just as Travis and Dominic exploded into the opening driving chords of _Book of Endings_. Jaclyn grinned and squealed excitedly and she felt her blood start to pump and her adrenaline starting to rush. She gestured to Roger and they both started dancing around the stage and singing the first words, a tribute to his fans.

_Ice is forming around her broken heart  
__4 this morning, she wrote him one last time  
__Journal entry #42409  
_'_He just needs some  
_'_Well, he needs a bit more time'  
__I know you take your time  
__As you whittle me that card  
__But I want you to know  
__I just put in new alarms_

_I don't wanna be a book of endings  
__Take a little time  
__I'm just pretending  
__Every single one of you haunt me every night  
__I don't wanna be the scars I'm bearing  
__I'm just a little shy of not quite caring  
__Every single one of you haunt me every night_

In the beginning of the song, Jaclyn felt not only a connection to the screaming fans— this was, after all, Roger's playful stab at his crazy stalker fan girls— but also a connection to Roger, about what had happened before she had run away to Washington, D.C. and everything had turned upside down and had to slowly be righted again. And now, she felt it all finally was.

_Like soldiers marching  
__One by one they vie  
__For attention  
__A blessing in disguise  
__Friends forever, 'cause I've seen you 15 times  
__I deserve you, every second of your time  
__I know 'Hello, how are you?' don't seem like much to you  
__But I wrote you this song and I owe it all to you_

_I don't wanna be a book of endings  
__Take a little time  
__I'm just pretending  
__Every single one of you haunt me every night  
__I don't wanna be the scars I'm bearing  
__I'm just a little shy of not quite caring  
__Every single one of you haunt me every night  
__Every night  
__Every night  
__Yeah_

_I don't wanna be a book of endings  
__Take a little time  
__I'm just pretending  
__Every single one of you haunt me every night  
__Yeah, I always make you cry  
_'_Cause I'm just that kind of guy  
__Never know the reason why  
__Never know the reason why  
__Never know the reason why_

The song ended and she walked with Roger to the front of the stage and beamed at the audience. Then Jaclyn laughed as Maureen, Collins, and Mark jumped from their chairs onto the stage before the security guards could react. Jaclyn was distinctly reminded of Maureen's story about her protesting of Benny's treatment of the homeless and the Bohemians back in 1989, but she was happy they could come be with her and Roger onstage regardless.

She finished the last rocking chords with the boys and was surrounded by her family in a massive hug. She was flying high and nothing could bring her down off her Cloud Nine. It was hard to believe that, a little over a year ago, she had been undiscovered.

* * *

_Sing! Music is an outburst of the soul. – Frederick Delius_

Hey, everybody, guess what? It's over. I'm pretty happy with the ending overall, I think. I was imagining Jaclyn singing with Roger in my head while I was writing it.

Some of you may also be wondering about Mark and Maureen's and Maureen and Roger's relationship. Well, I tried my best to prove that Mark and Maureen would be a good post-Rent pairing, since I'm a huge Mark/Maureen shipper, and I think they never should have broken up. But I probably didn't do as well with proving that as I could have, because it a new thing for me and kind of against Rent rules. But fan fiction is born of something already in existence, so I tried, I really did. I hope you liked what I came up with.

In the end, with Maureen, instead of her helping with Roger in her kind of unhelpful way, she really just needed to stay out of the way, watch from the sidelines, and try to be normal for once. That's why I didn't put her in to help out in the last couple of chapters. And while I always saw her as helping Roger out after Mimi's death, she's Jaclyn's best friend, so she was always going to take Jaclyn's side on the subject of Roger, post-Washington D.C. They're still friends, though, and I hope I proved that with this story.

Oh, also, some of you may have been wondering about a hinting of Jaclyn/Travis romance in this chapter? Well, I considered that, to be honest, but I really did like them as friends in the end. Travis is a very laid-back guy (based on a good friend of mine in real life) that would be there for Jaclyn and support her throughout her working toward helping out Roger in the end. There is no true romance between them. They are simply a very good girl-guy friendship dynamic I played around with for a while. Sorry if I led you on. I wasn't intending to. I hope you liked them as much as I did.

I guess that's the extent of my thoughts for now. I don't know when I'll be posting up a new story next, especially with graduating in 94 days from today and starting a six-day-a-week summer job on June 3rd, right after I get back from New York City (who's going to see RENT and Wicked at the Nederlander and Gershwin Theatres for graduation? I AM, YEAH, BABY!), so I simply may just not have any time. But I'm updating now, so in true Elphaba and Glinda-like fashion, "I hope you're happy!"

I'll try my best to come around and read and review for you guys, since I'm looking forward to more chapters from all of you (especially Renthead621, Rosablasifann08, and broadwaylover07.) So perhaps you guys and I can believe this isn't goodbye after all. Keep checking back to see if I've got more new stuff!

As always, don't forget to review. I love feedback and it isn't necessarily always a free ride. We writers always appreciate hearing what our readers think of what we write, so go on and do it. :)

Until next time, lots of love,

Renthead07


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